DSOT: VOLUME 4
This collection of Tigernet wisdom was collected in the week immediately prior to the Tigers’ first game of the year, so there was a LOT of built up excitement. So much excitement that many Clemson fans became stuttering dolts unable to put together coherent posts. So, yeah, they sounded a lot like Fighting Gamecock Forum posters or Adam Sandler’s Excited Southerner character. I’ve decided to highlight some of the more undecipherable posts from T-net and provide the best translation I can.
The Tigernet Translator
Here’s a guy who said to himself, “Hey, me, I really have nothing to contribute to this thread, and I’m so excited I shat myself, but I really want to type words into the interweb. Here goes.”
“If Scott Rhymer wasted your time with today’s article, you’d be well advised to stop reading this post now.” – Stop reading this post now.
“I have nothing to contribute, except ‘Go Tigers.’” – I have nothing to contribute.
“I have no insight, no real commentary, no criticism, just cheer. I’m excited. I say, I’M EXCITED." – MAN I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOIN ON BUT THIS TYPIN ON THE INTERNETS SHIT IS FUCKIN AWESOME.
“Whoever. Anybody. Everybody. Can you feel that right there. WOOOOOOO” – I think this is also Paris Hilton’s motto.
NEXT. NEXT SONG. NEXT SONG.
Wow. I don’t even know how a person would make this sentence. It’s not like he just missed a word or two here or there, there is a small pileup at the beginning of his sentence. Ideas are running red lights in this small brain of his. These are the type of people who have 3,700 posts on Tigernet, friends. “Where are a get a copy?” What? Where can I get? Where are copies of? I don’t know what picture this guy was painting on the Tigernet fingerpainting easel.
NEXT….
This guy takes the cake. JAClemsonTiger is responsible for more incomprehensible drivel on Tigernet than any other one poster who isn’t a Gamecock fan. Let’s pick apart this post.
“WOO HOOO HOO sounds better when all the girls do it” – I’m just gonna assume this has to do with the awful WOO HOO that people have started doing at Clemson games. SUPERFANS blame it on ‘bowtie wearing frat boys’ and frat boys blame it on the redneck SUPERFANS. After all, rednecks are well known for hoopin’ and hollerin’. It’s a mystery who started the thing, but JAClemsonTiger is gonna try and lay it all out for you and say it is a chant best left to the ladies.
“don’t you think in the student section mainly we get all the woman to do it inside of the dudes comment about CaptCrash earlier come on CHEER CAPTAIN, what a…” – Again, just wow. JACT lives in a world where sentences know no bounds. Something about women doing it inside men in the student section, and a guy named Captain Crash, and then a shout out to CHEER CAPTAIN, and then maybe an expletive? I don’t even know. I’m not even going to try. You figure it out, let me know what you think in the comments section.
IF YOU DO NOT GIVE THIS MAN SOME CLEMSON FOOTBALL RIGHT NOW, HE WILL KILL A PUPPY.
Overstatement of the Year Followed by Understatement of the Year.
You said it, mister. This guy has insight Mark May would KILL for.
Are You Sure About That?
Urban Dictionary defines a blumpkin as: To receive fellatio whist defecating. Highly acclaimed for involving two of the most pleasurable bodily release events simultaneously, but very difficult to accomplish. Also called a blumpy.
Who was the Gamecock fan, Jimmy Norton?
Nobody, I Mean Nobody, on Tigernet Got This Reference
If Flava Flav posted on Tigernet he would be PISSED.
And I’ll end with not a bang, but a whimper…
Awful Joke of The Week
I know that anything I can imagine my dad chuckling to has got to be pure-t garbage. I'm willing to bet this poster's mom couldn't have passed a breathalyzer while she was pregnant with him.
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