31 October 2006


Roy Martin has a great postgame analysis of the VT game on Tigernet. "It was a loss that brings into question the mental toughness and leadership of the players. Instead of delivering a message to the rest of the league, in a statement road game late in the season with championship hopes on the line, they fell flat on their faces." Blunt but accurate.

Here's a YouTube clip from ESPN's College Gameday at Sakerlina so you can see just how awful it was and how much they ragged on the Cocks.

30 October 2006


I know it's probably old as the hills but I had to share it with you.


This week’s column again brings a special peek into the strange land of the Fighting Gamecock Forum and GCN. In this frightening forum one can witness a world where a national championship season is just a year away, your coach is brighter and more special than the Baby Jesus, your stadium looks nothing like an upside down cockroach, and your players brutish actions are easily excusable. This is a forum where if you post anything as a Clemson fan or question anything about Sakerlina, you will be immediately banninated. We joke sometimes about the proprietors of Tigernet being overly zealous in deleting of posts, but on FGF, they really don’t mess around.

I can’t sum up gamecock fandom any better than I did earlier this year:
FGF and Gamecock “football” in general are both a lot like Scientology. Both are pseudoscience bellied by smaller than reported fan bases of delusional quacks who keep out any outside influence that would shatter their false realities and gross misconceptions and treat outsiders who don’t drink their particular brand of Kool-Aid like enemies.

Yeah, because USC’s Gameday didn’t have dozens of anti-Clemson signs even prompting Fowler to say he wouldn’t stand to have Clemson badmouthed. We’re terribly insecure. That whole dominating the in-state rivalry basically, well, forever, that makes us super-insecure.

If you call culture 50 signs referencing “cocks” (not the animal) and about a dozen confederate flags waving amongst the flags of numerous other schools, sure, I guess they stepped right in a steaming pile of “culture.”

And nothing says “culture” like salivating over a washed up old wrestler/wife beater attending your game with some other quasi-famous hick.

Another Gameday sign idea: this is like the University of North Colorado petitioning the Tar Heels to stop using “their” acronym.

I’ve got news for you, cock, USC has cheated every bit as much as any national-title winning team in history and you’ve got 3 bowl wins all-time and a sub .500 record to show for it. Congrats. Also, if you read carefully into the post, you see Gamecock logic at work. “It’s actually a good thing we’re losers, it means we haven’t cheated! Yeah, that’s the ticket.”

A brave Tiger sets em straight, surely to be absolutely perma-banned from the board.

Trust me, there’s plenty of buying and selling going on around Willy-Brice, ask any Gamecock player. You may not find tickets, but you’ll forget you were ever looking for ‘em in the first place.

Now we get around to actually talking about the Tennessee game.

Dude, I won 3 national titles in a row with Duke on my 360. In football. It’s clearly not an accurate predictor of real world success.

Speaking of awful shitholes, I’m sorry about your daughter, buddy, but THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T SEND YOUR DAUGHTER TO USC. I wonder what position that robber plays? If she was in 5 Points after dark she was probably going to end up with a piece in her face at the end of the night anyway, at least this way she only lost her money and not her dignity.

It almost gives me hope for Carolina fans that one of them actually has the ability to take off the garnet-colored glasses and realize that they suck. Almost.

And another one…

As soon as I think Gamecock fans are starting to come out of their idiot-coma they go and post some shit like this. Look, I’m willing to admit that the SEC is a better football conference than the ACC, I’d be dumb not to, especially this year. That being said, this viewpoint expressed by the Sakerlina fan is based on the belief that just being in the SEC makes them a better team and somehow superior to Clemson. Ballyhooing one’s conference is usually reserved for those in said conference’s cellar. Also, please tell me you realize how ironic it is for this guy to call out NCSU’s stalled turnaround. I seem to remember a certain diminutive former golden-domer who was supposed to bring SEC and national titles to Columbia. How’d that work out? That’s okay, SOS is going to help them turn the corner, they’re knocking at the door, they’re just a year away, etc. etc. insert overly-optimistic football cliché comment here.

At least the last guy wasn’t quite this delusional.

Yet another moral victory for Carolina fans!

The type of fan behavior that would turn off the kind of recruits USC goes after wouldn’t so much fall under bottle throwing and chanting profanities. I think they’d be more turned off by things like reading and discipline.

When I think Gamecock fans, I think class!

That's all I can stomach for now.


This UNC student pretty much ends the conversation about who the next Tar Heel coach will be. UNC’s gotta do something now that Duke is going after Ed O’Neil. Clemson never would’ve beaten UNC 52-7 if the Tigers were shrunk down to 1/300th of their actual size.

29 October 2006


Last week’s results:

Texas @ Texas Tech - Texas
NCSU @ UVa - UVa
Penn State @ Purdue - PSU
FSU @ Maryland - Maryland
Nebraska @ Ok. State - OSU
Florida vs. UGa - UF
Miami @ GT - GT
Mizzou @ Oklahoma - Oklahoma
Tennessee @ SCAR - UT
Clemson @ VT (Thurs) – VT by a LOT

Scoring as follows (Golf Scoring System)
Uttles - 3
Chili - 3
Greg - 5
Willy Mac - 5
Brad - 5
Lola - 5
Tully – Again, unable to be located for picks. We’ve uncovered the last known photograph of Tulls:

1. Chili -19
2. Lola -25
3. Brad -29
4. Willy Mac -30
5. Greg -32
Just for fun
6. Uttles – 3/week average
7. Tully – A job-free college graduate in Seattle. Gnarly.

Week 10 Pick 10 games are:

Maryland @ Clemson
LSU @ Tennessee
Wake Forest @ Boston College
Missouri @ Nebraska
Oklahoma @ Texas A&M
Penn State @ Wisconsin
Navy @ Duke
Georgia @ Kentucky
Arkansas @ SCAR
West Virginia @ Louisville (Thurs.)

Chili's Picks
Maryland @ Clemson - CU
LSU @ Tennessee - UT
Wake Forest @ Boston College - BC
Missouri @ Nebraska - Nebraska
Oklahoma @ Texas A&M - TAMU
Penn State @ Wisconsin - UW
Navy @ Duke - Navy
Georgia @ Kentucky - UGa
Arkansas @ SCAR - Arkansas
West Virginia @ Louisville (Thurs.) - WVU

Willy Mac's Picks
Maryland @ Clemson - Clemson
LSU @ Tennessee - LSU
Wake Forest @ Boston College - BC
Missouri @ Nebraska - Huskers
Oklahoma @ Texas A&M - TAMU
Penn State @ Wisconsin - WIZ
Navy @ Duke - Dookies
Georgia @ Kentucky - UGA
Arkansas @ SCAR - Arkansas
West Virginia @ Louisville (Thurs.) - WVU

26 October 2006


VT 24, Clemson 7

We were outplayed in every facet of the game. We were outcoached. I think they painted their field crisper than we do ours and their turf is probably fantastic and soft. Their stadium foods and beverages probably rival that of the cuisine from the finest French chefs. I do not believe they donned their pants one leg at a time, as did Clemson, either.

We learned several things tonight and several things we’ve been pretty sure were truths were hammered into our heads. The neckbubble is especially powerful on Thursday nights. Rob Spence is a feast or famine play caller. Tommy Bowden will never pull a quarterback, no matter how poorly he is playing. Teams that buy into their own publicity often tumble as magnificently as they ascended.

For the record let me state that while the officiating wasn’t awful, it was incredibly one-sided and the overturned fumble by VT in the 3rd quarter was phantom horseshit. It was anything but irrefutable. I’m refuting right now. See, refute, refute. Not that it does any good to whine or wonder what would’ve happened if we had the ball in their territory.

More on Spence. He has mastered exactly five plays. Bubble screen, run it up the gut, bubble screen, a pass play thrown to exactly 3 yards behind the first down marker, slant. When these plays work well, as they have all season, Clemson looks like a worldbeater. When they fail, he becomes the most stubborn force on the planet and gravity is more likely to reverse itself than he is to make adjustments. If running it up the middle didn’t work the first 20 minutes of the game, why would it succeed the following 40? The VT defensive coordinator looked like a genius tonight, but in all honesty you could’ve replaced him with a bowl of gravy and seen the same result. No adjustments are needed against a dense OC who refuses to adjust himself.

While VT proved me wrong by shutting down our running game, I was right on the money by stating how frightening the prospect of Proctor passing proved to be. Proctor sucked, plain and simple. This is suckage and subsequent refusal by a coach to bench said sucking player not seen since Charlie Whitehurst’s disappointing junior campaign. In Proctor’s defense, there were multiple pass drops by our receivers. I had complained during our cupcake stretch prior to GT that we needed to pass more to oil up that cog in our machine, but Spence’s playbook is about as diverse and flexible as that of Jeff Bowden. Proctor’s passes were often just amazingly off the mark. Was this the same quarterback who looked so good versus Florida State? Did Brandon Streeter sneak in the locker room and suit up?

I don’t know what to take away from this game. I think we won’t know until the next three games, none of which will be easy. Perhaps tonight we saw that, while I think we are a great team, we are not yet a great program. We’re on the way there, building facilities, gaining recruits, refining our coaching, but the performance tonight, or lack thereof, should be a warning sign that all the pieces aren’t yet in place. Much like in 2000, just when Clemson was receiving the most positive national press and respect, we absolutely bomb. The difference is the victory over Georgia Tech, which now seems so long ago. A four day turnaround from a game that big obviously took its toll on Clemson. Let’s hope we can get back on track and f*ck up some teams in red.

Perhaps our greatest accomplishment was gently aiding Ore down the field.


"I always hear people telling me that Willy Mac is the funnier poster, that he started the blog, that he owns a duck, and that I should get a duck too, yadda yadda yadda." - Chili

Ok, so what, I occasionally enjoy socks and sandals so that my feets don't freeze. It irks me now that momentum has shifted to Chili's side of the blog. Kudos to Chili for looking into getting a pet sloth, which he's said to me that he might actually carry through with when he goes back to grad school. But, I've got the inside track on something here sportsfans. Annexation of Puerto Rico on three... Ready... BREAK!

Chili eats Hello Kitty Pop-Tarts

Now what... does this make things awkard??

I'm not saying it's a bad thing, or that there's anything wrong with it... I just find it a little odd that Chili eats Pedo-Tarts. I mean, usually for breakfast I eat a raw steak with coffee grains and top it off by smoking a cigar. That's just cause I'm a man. Chili eats Hello Kitty Pop-Tarts accompanied from what I can only imagine is some sort of fruit juice in a sippy cup. Just think of that next time you read one of Chili's hilarious posts. The author of the post is a Hello Kitty fan by default. Revenge is a dish best served with a warm fruit middle after two minutes in the toaster.

Willy Mac: Do you enjoy them?
Chili: I do. Hello Kitty Pop-Tarts taste good.

I just don't know if I can trust a man that enjoys "Meow-Berry."


Here are the first four minutes of the new Borat movie, coming out next Friday. I'll be enjoying the film at the Buckhead Backlot while enjoying the finest finger foods and domestic alcoholic beverages. Jagshemash.

25 October 2006


Before we get around to previewing the VT game tomorrow, we've got to get something off our chests and just destroy a joke before it grows. Frank Beamer has a neckbubble, and this is a post about it. Brainstorming out loud, beginning.... now.
EDSBS calls it Jenkins, and says it’s similar to Krang of TMNT fame.
- I think it’s Quato from Total Recall.

- It’s an alien.
- It’s a sac of baby spiders.
- I bet when he gets angry it kinda swells up and pulsates, but you have to be really close to him to see it undulating, like when he met with Marcus Vick to tell him he was being bounced from the team it just pulsated like there was a second heart inside of it and you could kinda see veins directly underneath the skin. And before it rains it kind of gets harder and is more tumor-like in feel.
- It jiggles like Michael J. Fox in a paint shaker in an earthquake whenever a snowstorm is about to hit Blacksburg.
- Before VT players run onto the field they rub Frank's Neckbubble.
- He got it after he slept with Holly Rowe.
- It always points to magnetic north.
- It’s a piece of uneaten turkey that he never wiped off after succumbing to its tryptophan and dozing off for a couple days.
- It’s a tiny island nation and renowned tax haven.
- It graduated summa cum laude from VT.
- He got it after Marcus Vick stomped on him during a recruiting trip (Thanks, Eddie Venter for that one).
- In Liberia it is revered as having medicinal powers and he is constantly dodging African witchdoctors trying to slice a lil giblet off of it.
- If you put your ear near it, it emanates a very high pitched humming sound.
- It's a venom sac.
- It was recently downgraded from a moon to a neckbubble, having once been known as Pluto.
- It is Beamer Ball.
- Every once in a while it will cry "Feed me!" and he must prick his finger and drop blood onto it.
- It’s his swollen medulla oblongata and it’s why he’s so ornery.
- It lactates and its milk is sold at the local Whole Foods.
- When he was young he once tried to go all Bruce Banner and doused himself with gamma rays. All he got was the neckbubble and bloody stool.
- There used to be a lot more neckbubble, but he cut part of it shaving. That chunk became known as Kevin Federline.
- When he’s not using the neckbubble, he keeps it in the VT lunchpale.
- Virginia Tech students paint his neckbubble with a fresh coat of paint with real gold in it prior to every game.
- It's all a part of us and we're all a part of the neckbubble.
- It filled in for Jay Leno twice on The Tonight Show.
- His neckbubble is a level 32 night elf in World of Warcraft.
- Frank Beamer is a Christian, but his neckbubble is Jewish.
- It received 3.5 out of 5 stars on Star Search but was beaten by a young Ray Romano.
- It has a sneaker deal with Converse.
- It's actually an alien well versed on special teams that burrowed itself into Beamer's neck when he was asleep.
- Frank Beamer is actually an interstellar cockroach, his skin is just on wrong.
- It's where he saves his "good chaws" of Redman for later.
- The neckbubble is actually the Offensive Coordinator... Bryan Stinespring is a paid actor.
- Frank actually ate his twin brother Peter in the womb, but to this day, Peter refuses to be swallowed.
- The neckbubble is actually one of Frank Beamer's ass cheeks grafted onto his face because he was horribly scarred from a fire, that's actually true.
- It calls to me in my dreams.
- It's fluent in Japanese, Korean, and Cantonese. It's studying German and it's getting pretty good.
- It's actually prosthetic. Frank Beamer just wears it for intimidation and to create awkward situations to laugh about later.
- It posts as "anonymous" on DFIG.

Yeah, we just did this, and we're not sorry, and we're not better than that.

24 October 2006


#10 Clemson (7-1, 4-1 ACC) @ Virginia Tech (5-2, 2-2 ACC), Thursday, October 26th, 7:45 PM, ESPNHD, XM Satellite Radio ch 191-193.

The Line: Clemson -4.5

Edge goes to:

Offense: Clemson

Defense: Push

Special Teams: Virginia Tech

Intangibles: Virginia Tech. Tech rebounded from losses to BC and Georgia Tech by beating a solid Southern Miss team last weekend. Nonetheless, Virginia Tech isn’t used to not being in the driver’s seat in the conference race and this young team has something to prove against Clemson. Everyone is calling this a “circle the wagons” type of game and I’m one of those everybodies. VT has nothing to lose. Clemson has everything to lose.

A Feast Of Tasty Stats:

When Clemson Has The Ball:

Total offense CU #1 456.2 ypg
Total defense VT #2 242.4

Passing Offense CU #5 195.5 ypg
Passing Defense VT #1 144.1 ypg

Rushing Offense CU #1 260.8 ypg
Rushing Defense VT #5 98.6 ypg

Scoring Offense CU #1 42.2 ppg
Scoring Defense VT #2t 12.7 ppg

When VT Has The Ball:

Total Offense VT #6 332.7 ypg
Total Defense CU #1 230.4 ypg

Rushing Offense VT #7 119.1 ypg
Rushing defense CU #2 73.0 ypg

Passing Offense VT #4 211.9 ypg
Passing Defense CU #2 158.4 ypg

Scoring Offense VT #2 29.1 ppg
Scoring Defense CU #1 12.5 ppg

CU #4 +.38 per game
VT #7 +.14 per game

CU #3 43.9 ypg
VT #10 57.9 ypg

Net Punting:
CU #5 37.1 net yds
VT #11 32.6 net yards

Kickoff Returns:
CU #1 28 yds
VT #9 20.4 yds

Kickoff Coverage:
VT #2 44.4
CU #12 35.2

Our panel of DFIG "experts" say:

Willy Mac:
One of main keys of this game comes down to the position match ups and who we've both beaten this year. I know that's a grade school way of looking at things, but it works sometimes. To start, GT embarrassed them and we embarrassed GT. They've got an extremely inexperienced offensive line and we've got an extremely talented, strong, and fast defensive line. They've had an extremely shaky offense and we've had an extremely good defense given all the losses. Ol' Beamer and that neckbubble that is a storage space for rainy day plays and calculations are reportedly going to play both their starter QB Sean Glennon and backup Ike Whitaker. Glennon is more of a pocket passer who has terrible numbers (8 TDs and 6 INTs, with crucial fumbles scattered in between). Whitaker is more of a scrambler which is good in case the line breaks down, but we've already seen that in Reggie Ball. Let's put it this way, we've seen better offenses than this already. I think that once we get the running game going with Spiller/Davis, its gonna be a horse race. Our horses are much faster.

Shout out to Mike Vick
Clemson 41, Virginia Tech 20

Stay classy Virginia Tech


I’ve had a bad feeling about this game all year. Even though the Hokies are down this year, Lane is still a tough place to play, especially on Thursdays. Willy Mac is using Gamecock fan math by saying we’ll win because we crushed GT who crushed VT, but we all know that is bullshit, and while it may work sometimes, I don’t think it works this time. I think our running game will incur some more resistance than it has recently, but I don’t know if there’s a team in the country that can shut it down, and certainly VT can’t. Clemson will rely on Proctor more than in weeks past, and if you watched the way his long passes wobbled and almost fell into the hands of defenders last week, you’ll probably agree with me that that might be a frightening prospect. The return of Chansi Stuckey should aid Proctor, and chances are that our offensive line will give him excellent protection. Clemson’s defense will have their hands full with Glennon and Ore and a VT team that has, at times, put up big numbers in the air and on the ground. I think this game will be a battle, with the deciding factor being Clemson’s ability to add a passing attack that’s been absent for about a month.

Proctor sucks: VT 21, Clemson 17
Proctor doesn’t suck: Clemson 30, VT 20


Thanks to the Greenville News Online and the Tigernet for the following. Click on the images to enlarge. There is also an awesome gallery on www.CUTigers.com. I'd post some pics from it, but there are just too many pics up on the front page at is.

The Tigers ready to run down the hill

Running down the hill

More hill running

Herbstreit taking in all the orange

Corso on the sidelines

Gaines Adams celebrating

Gaines Adams and Sadat Chambers making the sack

James Davis on the loose

More of James Davis running wild on the Jackets

Philip Merling blocks a pass

CJ Spiller breaks one wide open

23 October 2006


This week's Pick 10 games are:

Texas @ Texas Tech
Penn State @ Purdue
FSU @ Maryland
Nebraska @ Ok. State
Florida vs. UGa
Miami @ GT
Mizzou @ Oklahoma
Tennessee @ SCAR
Clemson @ VT (Thurs)

Get your picks in by Thursday. Remember, the winner at the end of the season gets a beautiful bottle of The Macallan: Fine Oak, 18 year old edition. This is really just an elaborate attempt on my part to get Willy Mac to drop 2 bills on booze for yours truly.

Chili's Picks
Texas @ Texas Tech - Texas
Penn State @ Purdue - PSU
FSU @ Maryland - FSU
Nebraska @ Ok. State - Ok. State
Florida vs. UGa - UF
Miami @ GT - GT
Mizzou @ Oklahoma - OU
Tennessee @ SCAR - UT
Clemson @ VT (Thurs) - Clemson

Willy Mac's Picks
Texas @ Texas Tech - Texas
Penn State @ Purdue - PSU
FSU @ Maryland - FSU
Nebraska @ Ok. State - Nebraska
Florida vs. UGa - UF
Miami @ GT - GT
Mizzou @ Oklahoma - Mizzou
Tennessee @ SCAR - UT
Clemson @ VT (Thurs) - Clemson


This week there is a generous smattering of dumb posts on Tigernet, most centering around Gameday signs. Along with these I tossed in a couple from The Rant. I just gleamed a couple of posts from a Dawg fan, but just like I said about Fighting Gamecock Forums, finding stupid shit posted by Georgia fans is like shooting fish in a barrel. And the barrel is made of fish. And the gun is a fish, too.

The only thing Clemson fans love more than football and tailgating is a good conspiracy theory. If you read up on T-net you know that ESPN hates us, the referees are working in concert with some black hand group to keep us down, John Swofford pisses on Thomas Greene Clemson’s statue fortnightly, and the poll voters don’t know us from Alcorn State. This guy is joking around, but I had to put his comment up here anyway because it’s just such a dead on parody of conspiracy theorist Clemson fans and fooled about everyone on Tigernet.

This next poster, unfortunately, is serious. It’s these kind of Alka-Seltzer in the mouth rabid moron fans who give Clemson a bad name and creep reporters out just a little bit. We all want reporters on TV to pronounce Clemson like Clempson, with just very little emphasis on the “p,” but the generic non-regional diction these guys learn prohibits them from correctly emphasizing colloquial pronunciations such as Clemson. I watched the entire Wake Forest game to which he is referring and I detected no bias on the half of the announcers. Perhaps this guy would rather Pete Yannity and Will Merritt call the game. His poorly constructed rant sounds like it would be appropriate coming out of the mouth of a bitter 17 year old. ESPN has got to have some bulletin board where they post these sort of ignorant comments.

There is a fine art to punking another team’s messageboard. You have to register early with an inconspicuous name, drop some generally supportive posts for a couple weeks, study the tendencies of posters, then imitate and mock that board with a post carefully crafted to cause confusion as to whether or not it’s a joke. This “tigglet” clearly didn’t do his homework. Unless his ‘homework’ was a couple tall boys of PBR and a bump of smack. I am just assuming here, but I think this is a douchebag Gamecock fan snickering as he plays the role of a Tiger fan in an effort that is ultimately only amusing to him or other degenerates whose faces are constantly smudged from huffing paint.

His response when called a coot.

You know, I can’t really argue much on this one. A tiger would pretty much f*ck up an owl in a 1 on 1 or 11 on 11 battle.

This one isn’t so much Dumb Shit as it is a little too much information posted on a board. Not to say that I don’t relate or remember the smell of coffee, a B.M., and cigarettes that would cling to my dad’s bathroom in the morning like a thick, ungodly fog.

I know this is the Gameday song and all, but only the worst kind of mouthbreathing retards aren’t completely sick of this awful song. The only place I want to hear this song being played is if it’s gently emanating from the mangled wreckage of this guy’s pickup as it lay wedged under a tractor trailer full of AIDS monkeys.

IF YOU LEAVE SHIT OUT, IT WILL GET STOLEN. This guy is still reeling from leaving The Truman Show dome and hasn’t quit adjusted to the real world. Also, look, I have sympathy for him and his group getting their shit stolen, but unless they start giving away free gold bullion with Tillamore Dew and Gilbey’s Vodka, this bastard didn’t have $3000 worth of liquor. I know everyone likes to brag and talk about how awesome their tailgates are and maybe puff up the stats a little bit in this keeping-up-with-the-Joneses world of college football, but if you say some shit like this we’re going to know you’re lying through your teeth. $3000 worth of liquor? Damn they’re charging a lot for MD 20/20 these days.

And now… the Cavalcade of Bad Sign Ideas for Gameday

I can understand an obsession with Erin Andrews, even though she’s reportedly a shithead personality-wise. But why waste time on dumb sign ideas when it was reported the previous weekend that she wasn’t even going to be on the GT game? I’m sure they could’ve come up with some funny signs about Holly Rowe. Well… considering most of what passes for humor on Tigernet, they probably couldn’t.

Considering it was widely announced that Holly Rowe was doing our game, this sign will require a hell of a lot of whiteout and ink to get those numbers corrected. That bottom deck seat ticket is about to be a third-tier upper decker. Maybe in the damned Outback II.


Another idea that’s been beat to death. Hell, even I joked about it after the FSU game. If I make a joke about it, you know it’s old as dirt. Also the first idea was long since taken. Someone might as well just make Borat posters for Gameday… oh… wait…

This guy should say “wakka wakka” after every joke.