THURSDAY NEWSERCISE

Emily Stewart '07.... any wonder why we're so happy?

Clemson tops this year's list of "Top 10 Schools with the Happiest Students" in the recent Princeton Review. So, we've got that goin' for us. The campus will certainly be a lot happier if the football team can meet expectations. The Anderson Independent Mail has it covered.





The Astro III in downtown Clemson is closing today. Carmike Cinemas informed staff at the Clemson landmark just 4 days ago that they would close. For those not familiar with the Astro, it’s a small 30 year old theater that shows second-run movies for $2.50 a pop and is a relief to cash strapped students. There is a Facebook group to save the Astro III that has already attracted thousands of supporters. The likelihood of saving the Astro is not high; Carmike is strapped for cash and the theater sits on a valuable piece of land. This is a sad case of another unique Clemson landmark being swept away for some mass market chain bullshit, or a sub shop, or another block of condos from Tom fuckin' Winkopp. I remember going to the Astro with Sambo to go see that godawful movie Phone Booth with a coatfull of beers in the middle of the summer. We paid in rolls of pennies. Good times.


PRACTICE NOTES

Will Vandervort has an interesting article on Aaron Kelly and his consistency. I was extremely impressed at how he was able to bounce back from a devastating dropped ball against BC to help the Tigers drive down the field for the victory in Williams-Brice the very next game.

Also from that article - kicking is so bad that Bowden has declared the field goal and punting duties open for the taking. PUT IN WILLY KORNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! HE MAKES LOU GROZA ANDTHE GARBAGE PICKING FIELD GOAL KICKING PHILADELPHIA PHENOMENON LOOK LIKE LITTLE GIRLS. BEAUTIFUL, STRONG LEGGED LITTLE GIRLS. Anyway, kicking and special teams have been sub par for a number of years and this is no indication of improvement.

Corey Lambert seems to be developing into team leader. He came into Clemson with extremely high expectations placed on him as is want to happen to highly recruited in-state athletes who stay in-state. He’s taking his time, and using what he learned from Barry Richardson to help lead the inexperienced line corps.His leadership is desperately needed.


INJURIES

WRs Jacoby Ford and Xavier Dye, TE Michael Palmer, and OT David Smith have all missed some practice due to minor injuries. Ford with a sprained ankle, Dye with a bruised shoulder, Palmer with a pulled hamstring, and Smith with a dislocated toe.


MORE RATIONAL DISCOURSE FROM COLUMBIA

Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain has the scoop on the senile old Sakerlina trustee who thinks all campus cops are out to get their fine, upstanding football players. It must be a conspiracy by cops with "tiger paws in [their] office."


IN OTHER NEWS

The greatest headline ever.


NBC THINKS WE'RE THE JAMS

NBC Sports has their preseason top 25 out today. Clemson is ranked #3, behind Georgia and Ohio State. The only people who rank Clemson higher are probably Clemson fans. Take it with a grain of salt, people.

STEVE'S SCHEDULING SHENANIGANS

Grrr! We're tough by proxy!

A reader pointed out to us that Roy Philpott at the great CUTigers.com has taken on Spurrier's spouting off about schedules in his recent article titled "Fun with Schedules." By Philpott's estimation, SC would go 6-4-1 against Clemson's schedule (the tie being a theoretical dead heat with Virginia) and the Tigers would finish 8-3 against the Gamecock's foes. The Tigers, as they tend to do, take the season finale versus Sakerlina. Philpott is correct in saying that it all boils down to talent. The Gamecocks have a stout defense this year with some players any team would be glad to have. Clemson, on the other hand, has one of the most explosive offensive talent pools in the nation, the OL of course being the question mark. Spurrier can try and spin this thing however he likes, but the Tigers are better regardless of the competition.

UNDER STEVE'S SKIN

Yes, I'm aware that's not the proper Clemson paw in the background. Blame the LSU Photoshopper, not me.

We try not to dwell on Sakerlina too much outside of the occasional police report or during the week of the game. I've seen a couple of the SC blogs out there and it seems every 2nd or 3rd post is taking swipes at the Tigers. Seeing as we don't harbor a staggering inferiority complex like the chickens, we like to think we're above that. Of course we're not above highlighting some of the delightful quips spewed from the mouth of Steve Spurrier in a recent news article.

Spurrier has said in the past that "We will never lose to Clemson again." So much for that, unless you count moral victories, which most Sakerlina fans do.

He's also stated "I don't talk about Clemson." Right, right....

In a recent peice in the Raleigh News & Observer, Spurrier is quoted as saying "I wish one of the sports writers, when they start picking everybody's record this year, would write how they'd do if Clemson played South Carolina's schedule and South Carolina played Clemson's schedule." Perhaps, Steve, the reason they don't do this is because such retarded speculation is the realm of messageboard dwelling mouthbreathers. Clemson doesn't play SC's schedule, nor does SC play Clemson's. The media, albeit less frequently these days, tends to deal in realities, not the sort of whining speculation a revered coach reverts to when he can't succeed in-state. I'll absolutely agree that SC has a more difficult schedule than does Clemson. Them's the breaks, as they say. Tough shit. Having a tougher schedule does not make your team better. The results of Clemson-SC games during the brief time SC has been clinging to the leg of the big bad SEC should prove that.

As someone pointed out, this is further evidence that Spurrier is just becoming one of them. He once spoke of championships and bringing glory to SC and now he just complains about Clemson and the tough SEC schedule. Steve Spurrier... more like Steve Worrier amirite!?!?!? LOLOLOLOLOL!!!1!!!!1!

Spurrier followed up his quote with "But anyway, that's the way it is. There's no big deal about it." This is interesting to me because it fits a pattern in his shit talking. See, men talk and don't back down. Women and guys who wear visors outside of their acceptable areas (tennis courts, golf courses, old timey poker tables) deal in the passive-aggressive. Say something brash, then temper it with a half-retraction and dismiss it as inconsequential. Look at some of his more bitchy quotes over time and you'll usually see a half-assed retraction after the fact.

It appears that, though only 2-1 against Spurrier, with Clemson seeming to gain some momentum in recruiting and in the polls, Tommy Bowden and the Tigers are getting under Steve's skin. This should be fun to watch as it plays out.

UNDAUNTED COURAGE: THE SEMI-FICTICIOUS EPIC THAT IS PETER LALICH'S LIFE

Peter Lalich is a man among men. A mountain bear of a man with a football as a chew toy and a neolithic stone arm from outer space. But no, Lalich wasn't just born into greatness. He had to hit the baptismal fire of life head on in a crazy windmill fashion that only he could pull off with awkward smoothness. Perhaps you have already seen his AMAZING WIKIPEDIA ENTRY. If you haven't seen it, this is unacceptable. Fortunately, I'm here to not only provide you with a link to the article but to also to fill in the gaps that were left out. This is the amazing (semi) true story of one Master Peter Lalich navigated by yours truly with the assistance of a few facebook pictures (thank you public domain laws!)...

Peter Lalich: Harder than galvanized steel... forged in Springfield, Virginia

Young Peter was born on May 18th, 1988 to... uh... Peter Lalich who then subsequently... uh, named his son... Peter... after "Pistol" Pete Maravich. Ipso facto, Peter Lalich is a reincarnation of Pete Maravich but with a penchant for football, not basketball. He then grew up and did some rather insignificant stuff until the day he picked up his first football and threw it into the next neighborhood. Unfortunately for Peter, athleticism can't buy you friends at such an early age and he remained in a secluded sect of youngsters that is usually dominated by tall, goofy kids that nervously interact as little as possible with peers. Life was hard for Peter in Pop Warner, little did he know that life was only about the get much harder.

Lalich, like his hero Jack Lambert, was accustomed to losing teeth in his early football years due to his vicious and often raucous style of play.

The mental toughness that would later show in his UVA years was constructed in searing heat as well as hurricane type storms under thundering skies while practicing and learning from Coach van Gouda at Springfield Middle School. Most of his toughness, as one might assume occurred on the field, actually came from what happened between bells during school. Teenage years can be harsh on a youth, but due to Peter being the "tall, ugly, goofy kid," puberty took it's toll twice as hard on him. At lunch he was relegated to sitting by himself or sitting with the kids that were a hodgepodgery of cracking voices, pimples, and dorkishness. Lalich decided to walk the lonely road... furthering his journey down a war beaten path.

Next came high school. Still no friends. Still no girls. Still a big ug. Peter experimented with Puka shell necklaces, neon green hat/pink shirt combos, feuax burberry sweaters pulled low, and taking pictures with his arms crossed and his greasy bangs pulled into his face. It can't really be explained in mere words. Thus, the photo journal:





It kinda makes me miss high school myself. Things changed however. Peter got a letter telling him he's got a full ride to UVA. Given natural high school social dictation, within minutes he's got everything he could ever want. Parties, chicks, etc. It doesn't matter that he's one ugly mother now. All of that goes away when ya sign with the Wahoos. Especially when you're buried on the depth chart. That's where the real action is. Simply put, Peter Lalich is the fucking man. He's the Bomb.com. Seriously.

In fact, you should friend him on facebook, immediately. The reasoning behind this is the fact that he gives almost daily inspiration in his status updates ranging from statements like "Peter... snow so white, only thing missin is 7 dwarfs" and "Peter... str8 like arm hair." I teared up when I read " Peter... I just do my pete and everytime i speak my sentences are complete LOLOLOLOL."

More so, Peter Lalich knows people. Want tickets to that Skid Row concert minutes before the show? No worries, Peter already has someone stuffing your tickets AND backstage passes in Will Call as we speak. He's got you front and back. You wanna roll with Peter to lunch? Sure thing. He'll just pick up his Kia Sorrento that the dealership lends him and be on his way over. Onward to lunch as you're further impressed that EVERYONE KNOWS PETER. Even the people at Moe's shout to him as he enters! Peter Lalich is a Campus Legend. In fact, he coined the phrase and sent it along to the NCAA football game developers, via e-mail... on his Blackberry. Stunningly, he's so amazing that he even lists Rivals.com as his personal website on facebook!

What's that? You want some beer? Oh he's got you covered man. He's got a fake that can get him in anywhere in town. No problem. Most of the times he just skips the line and goes right in without waiting or getting carded! You know why? Cause he's on the fucking football team... that's why. Just let him go in this seedy gas station and get it for you... He'll be back in two seconds with a case of warm Natty Ice that we can shotgun. *fast forward* See dude, here you go. I told you. Peter is the man. He can... dude, you've got a cop behind you and he's pulling you over. Shit. Dude, our parents are gonna be so pissed. Turns out Peter isn't the man. He's just some strange looking dude who gets drunk, shows up to your party uninvited, gropes the girls at your party, drinks your beer and eats all of your food in the fridge, passes out in a puddle of his own vomit in your front yard, and hopefully... maybe one day he might be lucky enough to have a bad acid trip and go nuts in the middle of your neighborhood street. Ah, the life of a struggling back up quarterback. This is where it begins, Peter. Please stay the course because personally, I enjoy a long drawn out downfall.

THURSDEE NEWS

MONEY MONEY MONEY DRANKIN DRANKIN DRANKIN

SI reports that Clemson and Alabama will receive nearly $2 million each for the season opener in the Georgia Dome. More importantly, beer will be sold until halftime. BEER WILL BE SOLD AT A CLEMSON GAME. EGADS.

So what will happen when the unsuspecting fan discovers he can instantly kick the action up a notch at the Dome? I like to think it'll go a little something (pause) like this:

[scene: concession stand, Georgia Dome, Aug 30, 2008]

Alabama fan: "Good sir, let me get 8 Chick-fil-A sammiches, a trash bag full of waffle fries doused in polynesian sauce, uh, and a bushel of nuggets. And take my fanny pack and fill it with honey-mustard. I also require a tankard of your finest lemonade."

Concession boy: "Ah, yes, the medium sized Friedgen Meal. Sir, we also are selling beer until halftime today."

Bamafan: (incredulous) "Wait, what the fuck did you just say to me?"

Concession boy: (takes a step back) "Uh... I said we also have beer."

Bamfan: (squinting) "Toying with my alcoholism is like toying with my emotions, Poppa Smurf. This is a college football game, we do our binge drinking before, not during."

Concession boy: "But sir, it's only 8 dollars per 16 oz cup."

Bmfin: (salivating) "Are the cups.... *gulp* are the cups flimsy?"

Concession boy: "So flimsy you can barely hold onto them."

Brmfrrn: (lip trembles) "Please tell me the beer is.. oh God.. lukewarm and watered down."

Concessions: "Indeed. Sir it's really only beer in name alone."

Brmfnnnn: SMASH GRAB DRINK PUNCH VOMIT PUNCH DRINK DRINK YELL DRINK GROPE DRINK *ding* Halftime *ding* APOLOGIZE

Much like SNL writers I don't know how to end a bit. END.

Just pour the beer into this carrying bag on a pole. No, it's not an IV drip. Do IV poles come painted crimson? Didn't think so, bub.

ACC SPORTSWRITERS HEART CLEMSON

Clemson was picked by 51 of 65 ACC media types to win the ACC Championship. 59 out of 65 picked the Tigers to win their division. 5 media members tabbed Wake to win the division. This was the first time since 1991 that the Tigers were chosen to win the league. Clemson, of course, clenched their last league crown in 1991. SPOOOOKY. The State talks about it here.

Pasty manchild and Varsity hot-dog distributor Stewart Mandel is one of the writers who picked Clemson, albiet with some strong reservations.

STACKED OFFENSE

Cullen Harper, James Davis, and CJ Spiller led preseason player of the year voting and join Aaron Kelly and Michael Hamlin on the preseason all-ACC team. The article in The State goes on to note that Coach Bowden may be prepared to move man-beast Rendrick Taylor back to WR after getting some work in the backfield.

INJURY REPORTS

The ACC will become the first CFB conference to release regular injury reports. Twice weekly, baby.

BOOBIES AND ASSAULT RIFLES

So, I'm embracing the territory, culture, and lifestyle around me known as the Simpsonville area and I am going to purchase a second gun. Chili and I were discussing and I've narrowed my selection down to the SIG 9mm or an AR-15 made by either Colt, Rock River, Bushmaster, or again a SIG (even though it's slightly different). I just happened to throw a few related search terms into youtube and this is what came up. Enjoy.

TEH BEARDS TO BEES UPDATING, PLASE

Some of our readers in the competition have answered their call to arms and sent in their mugshots of said bearded combo. Some of them didn't... err... haven't yet sent in photos (I'm looking at you, Sambo). I, of course, obliged myself and took a bad picture of my somewhat swollen face and have never been more insecure of myself than now.

Reader SACK is going for the Belton-Honea Path Classic Cooter

DFIG reader John B. is going for a hybrid Pirate/Mexican Bouncer combo.

Look at Sambo, pretending to be literate. Hidden inside that dictionary is a copy of Swank.

Like a fine wine or cheese, Jason L's beard is aged, but sophisticated. By the way, I have a buddy who has a framed print of that shirt, awesome retro Clemson art in case you were wondering. My favorite part is the random celebrities thrown in the picture.

Eventually, I'd like to have this pan out into a ratty beard with some tendrils, then finish it off with a nice Cop Stash. Hey, I know it's not that pretty to look at, but at least I don't have mutton chops and feminine glasses like some Florida bloggers out there. Chili kindly opted out of this competition, muttering something about not getting laid with a mustache, but I submit that it's empowering and if a chick can't get with the stache, shes too uptight. Also, what the hell is up with my nostrils?

Keep sending in your pics!

WEEKEND SENDOFF

ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOPUP

WELCOME TO THE SOUTH

I couldn't help but snap this photo of a campaign sign on my way to work the other day.

Look closer...

You might be a redneck if... you vote for this guy.

DFIG CHALLENGES YOU TO A MUSTACHE WAR

Trust me, this is gonna be awesome.

So some friends and I were chillin out maxin and relaxin all cool, and while shootin some b-ball outside the school we decided to start a mustache competition. Similar to the Australian born but internationally known competition referred to as Movember (Official site), we wanted to grow mustaches for an allotted amount of time. The original rules as stated in an email I sent to my friends are as follows with slight adjustments for privacy:

1.) Shaving commences the morning of June 7th.

2.) Growing of mustaches shall last until August 31st. Shaving of said mustache before the given date results in a disaqualification and a good ribbing.

3.) Each grower may choose their own facial hair growing pattern from June 7th until August 1st. (IE grow what you want, be it grizzly adams beard, mustache, fumanchu, etc.)

4.) On August 1st, we shall reconvene and shave everything except our mustaches. You must keep your mustache for the entire month of August.

5.) Winner will be determined by style, creativity, and effectiveness of the mustache by a panel of three judges to be named at a later date using a scale of one to ten on August 31st, 2008.

6.) Any style of mustache is accepted. Examples are as follows: Cooter, Hitler (if you so choose), Handlebar, Pushbroom/Earnhardt Sr., Triple H Handlebar, The Captain James T Hook, etc. Pencil thin mustaches do not count.

As I have now extended the competition to include our readers, some modified rules will now be presented:

1a) For DFIG readers, I'll give you a head start. Pictures of your shaved facial hair beside a printed date for Friday, June 6, 2008 (newspaper preferably) must be emailed to dannyfordisgod -at- gmail -dot- com. You don't even have to shave that morning, just some time that day send me a pic of your jaw area etc.

2a) Pictures of your mustaches must be sent in to the same email address with a printed date on August 31st.

4a) Since we are on the internet, just follow the previous instructions for 1a and 2a but for July 31st.

5a) Chili and I will do the judging.
5b) I just wanted to have a section "b" somewhere in here to justify all the sections labeled "a."
5c) All submissions will be judged a little later than August 31st, but no later than a few days (September 5th at latest.)

Don't forget about Friday!! Set your alarm! Write it on a calendar! Put a reminder on your phone! Also, tell your friends and forward this link to them. Happy growing and good luck!

APB: FIND US SOME EMBARASSING GAMECOCK DECALS

So, since I've moved to Simpsonville I've noticed a recent trend around and on I-385 and it's not so much shocking as it is hilarious. Yes, it's related to Gamecock fans and yes, they're making themselves as well as our state look bad... again.

Oh ok, nothing seems wrong here. Wait what's that.

"You're damn right I pull for a team that went from #6 in the nation to 6 - 6!"

I'm just at a loss for words. Nothing against the marines, I guess I'm just disappointed in his delivery, that's all...

DFIG READERS: If you're out and happen to snap some similar "Embarrassing Gamecock Decals" send them in to feedback -at- dannyfordisgod.com and we'll put them on the site with due credit given.

NEWS & NOTES

Oliver Purnell has finally signed the contract extension that was announced in March. Good.

Upstate Today has a nice article about Clemson's 2009 recruiting efforts to this point. Depending on which recruiting service you believe, Clemson has secured verbal commitments from the top two safeties in the nation, Craig Loston (5 star, #1) of Texas and Devonte Holloman (5 star/4 star, #2) of powerhouse Charlotte Independence in NC. A number of 4 stars have also committed and a lot of top recruits have Clemson high on their list.

With more sports blogs (spogs?) popping up every day, the new crops are moving into the realm of extreme specialization. One of the more interesting new ones is called Athletes Making Babies, celebrating the many sports stars who can't keep it in their fucking pants.

The ACC discussed and subsequently shot down a plan to add a 9th conference game to the football schedule, which would have put them alongside the Pac-10 as the only conferences to have a 9 game conference schedule. Coaches were concerned with bowl eligibility as beating SC State is easier than beating NC State. The current college football climate is one in which quality scheduling takes a backseat to playing cupcakes to pad the win column, and this decision is right in line with the current modus operandi (not that the ACC doesn't have its share of weaklings). I am on the fence about this one. I'd much rather play another ACC team than the Citadel or SC State, but I'd rather play a powerful nonconference team like Bama or UGa than Duke.

George Bennett, longtime Clemson fundraiser, will be honored by the SC Athletic Hall of Fame. Congrats to Mr. Bennett on the honor, and on his service to the university.

Former Clemson lineman and 1992 5th round draft pick Curtis Whitley has died at the age of 39. He played for six years in the NFL and battled substance abuse. As of now the cause of death has not been announced. Our condolences go out to his friends and family.

NEWS & NOTES

WAIT, BARNHART COVERS TEAMS OTHER THAN GEORGIA?
Your favorite leghumper, Tony Barnhart, released his preseason top 10 in that Atlanta fishwrap today. He lists Georgia as numbers 1-6 and 8-10, but somehow found his way to slip Clemson into the conversation at number 7. Like us, he has questions about the Tigers' offensive line, but everything else is golden. If you want a real laugh, read some of the comments on his blog. Regularly the most frighteningly dumb mouthbreathers imaginable give their take on Tony's articles, and almost without exception there's a "dawg" somewhere in their handle. Go figure.

WELL PLAYED, COACH KOENNING, WELL PLAYED
Say you're a defensive coordinator. You know the NCAA regulations prohibit you from chewing out your players for being lazy in offseason voluntary workouts. What do you do? If you're Vic Koenning, you call up a reporter and complain, knowing your comments will be published, circumventing those pesky regulations. The players in question are then called out, lighting a proverbial fire under their asses, and all is well. Here is the article in question.

SWEEEEEEEP
The Florida State Seminoles swept the Tiger baseball team this weekend, pretty much dashing their hopes for the ACC tournament. They could still make it, but with the dangerous Georgia Tech squad up soon, things aren't looking good.

THE EYES OF TEXAS ARE UPON... CLEMSON?
I don't cover a ton of recruiting on here outside of signing day. It's highly speculative, full of rumor and pure bullshit, and often a kid who has "committed" to a school will change his mind several times. However one recent Clemson commit is fairly noteworthy. Craig Loston, the top rated safety in the nation and a five star prospect, committed to Clemson over LSU. He had previously been committed to Texas A&M, but withdrew his commitment after their coaching change. More interesting than Clemson plucking one of the top players out of the lonestar state is how Loston found Clemson. He watched Clemson play Florida State on Labor Day last year and fell in love with the way our defense played and with the Death Valley atmosphere. He then sent our staff tape. He recruited Clemson, not the other way around. Here is Loston's Rivals page, with some very impressive highlights of him.

CLEMSON ATHLETES IMPROVE GRADES
16 of Clemson's 19 varsity sports showed improvement in the recent Academic Progress Rate statistics. The APR has great importance, as a score too low will result in the loss of scholarships.

CU BILLBOARD IN ATL

DFIG reader Jeff asked us to post this:

I've talked to several people at IPTAY, the Athletic Department, and various other Clemson organizations, and have gotten alot of support for this...

Idea: A billboard in downtown Atlanta that proudly exalts the Tigers upcoming game in the dome against Alabama. The spot is I-20 and Memorial Avenue near the Capitol. The money needed is $13,000 for both sides of the billboard for 4 months, plus installation and the vinyl. If anyone is interested in donating or pledging or just wants more info, please send me an email at russellmarkmillerjr@yahoo.com

If 500 people on this board gave $10, there's $5,000 right there, so don't think you can't contribute. I barely make any money and can't really afford to donate alot, but every little bit helps.

The billboard is reserved for us and is just waiting for the initial $4,000 payment for it to go up. Go Tigers!

-Mark Miller
c/o 2006

PS: I'm not asking for checks or $$$ right now, just asking for "pledges" to see if we can do this! Thanks to those who have said they'd give...can yall send me an email just saying a ballpark amount you'd feel comfortable giving, so that I can have some idea of the total attained/needed?

SPRING FOOTBALL!!!!

It's just like regular football, but sloppier and with better weather.

The search for a new left tackle is on. Junior Corey Lambert and senior Jock McKissic are currently battling it out, but as this article states, heralded freshman Antoine McLain is waiting in the wings to take the spot.

The o-line struggled in the last scrimmage after a successful initial drive. In my experience watching Clemson scrimmages, you can't really gauge offensive efficiency as well as you might want to based on how they do against their own defense. Defense has long dominated Clemson scrimmages, and this season has been no different. Still, the o-line is going to be the lynchpin of a successful 08 campaign, with our linebackers being another important factor.

GoUpstate.com has a great piece on the many setbacks and successes of Stanley Hunter, the former Byrnes Rebel who has battled adversity to gain a foothold with the Tigers.

Apparently Willy Korn is enjoying his time out of the spotlight. Sure he is... sure he is.

Tommy Bowden fucking LOVES baseball. And tights. And Kyle Parker. "I've watched him practice and I've watched him play," Bowden said in an interview with CUTigers.com.

"He's really good looking. If I was a girl, I'd be very interested in him. He wears those tight pants. When you wear loose stuff, you can't tell the definition of a guy's body. In baseball, everything's tight and you can tell he's very well put together."

Willy Korn has been seen strutting around in denim shorts and a half-top outside of Bowden's office window in an attempt to sure up a roster spot.

HILARIOUS MUPPET SHOW OUTTAKES

Random, but funny. Enjoy. (HT: Scott A.)

DANNY DAYS ARE BACK! ER... OR NOT

A Clemson recruit with bundles of cash? Is this 1980?

A minor shitstorm brewed on the internets this morning and piddled dookie throughout messageboards from ACC schools, that rival SEC school, and even some of the bigger sports blargs out there. Apparently carrying around huge stacks of bills is unusual to a number of people. I had to ask a number of friends before I found out that me and Kenneth Page are the only people around who don't leave the house without bricks of dead presidents. A highly touted Clemson OL recruit, the aforementioned Kenneth Page, posted a photo on his MySpace page of him stackin' bundles. After the "Photoshop experts" on Tigernet claimed over and over that it was a fake (it's not), they played the excuse game. I don't know what to say, but a reader copied us on this post from a Clemson message board, take it however you want:

Talked to both Kenneth Page and his head coach Robin Bacon this morning.

Here's the story from them.

Kenneth was recently out in California as one of five finalists for the Alfred M. Watkins Memorial Scholarship. Both his father and mother came along and both have relatives that live in California. They got to see one of his uncles right before he passed away a week later. They also got to see his great uncle on his father's side of the family. This uncle is a very, very wealthy man. He owns nine ATMs and realized two were empty and low were very low. So they went to the bank that morning to get money to fill them up with. Kenneth said he had never seen that much money before so he took a picture with it. He wants to reassure everyone that yes, he didn't take a single cent or keep a single cent of it.

Someone copied this picture off of Page's facebook and tried to spin it into something that it wasn't.

Bacon added this - "It is a shame when people want to tear down a kid who is a good Christian kid and a great role-model for other student-athletes, but that is the society we unfortunately live in today."

PRACTICE? WE TALKIN' BOUT PRACTICE?!?

"When the cops yell 'freeze' make sure to put your hands up like this."

STEPHEN GARCIA: HERO

Drankin, puttin' out "stove fires," what can't this guy do?