26 August 2008

GOODBYE, DFIG. RIP, SWEET PRINCE.


Danny Ford Is God is getting a new name: Block C. We changed the name because we wanted people to focus more on the content of our site and not the name, which has stirred some controversy in its time. Block C is, of course, a reference to Coach Ford's iconic Clemson cap

Please update your links as our new address will be http://www.Block-C.com

25 August 2008

THINGS TO CHECK OUT IN ATLANTA THIS WEEKEND

I'm so excited about this weekend, I can barely contain myself. This is promising to be an exciting weekend given the obvious as well as our recent site change and the national exposure that we and the game itself is/are getting. Just the other day I was watching ESPN and saw the commercial for the game this week and went crazy as it was centered around Howard's Rock. You can check it out here. The new College Game Day site is up and running which you can also see. The videos on the site are a bit heavy handed with Bama's balls but still, it's looking good.

There are still a lot of Clemson fans that don't know their way around Atlanta. Given that some of my family is from Atlanta and that Chili lived there for a short time, we're here to provide some helpful hints and ideas to fill time for you folks unfamiliar with the area. First of all, you probably want to check out the Clemson Athletic Department's tips to avoid traffic due to massive road construction downtown and in the surrounding areas. Seriously, I've been there a few times this summer and it is hell. Don't just go gallivanting around without a plan thinking that you are gonna be okay. Once you get downtown, stay there or take a cab where ever you go. MARTA is acceptable during the daytime, just don't forget to bring your shiv as things like this can occur:


I'm pressin' charges!
(nsfw, kinda)

I've provided links to some cool things that might interest a few of you taking the trip to Atlanta. And if you can't make it to Atlanta, you can spend your time doing some online sports betting. These are loosely based around my own itinerary and are labeled with the days of the weekend as those would be the be the best days to visit said establishments.

Friday

- For you high society folk, I suggest checking out Kevin Rathbun's steakhouse and restaurant as well as the Krog Bar next door. The restaurant is top notch and the Krog Bar is a hole in the wall also owned by Rathbun that serves wines, salted meats, and cheeses while you wait to be seated at the restaurant.

- For you folks staying outside of the city (the side closer to SC) and want to keep it quiet the night before the big day, I suggest you check out the Movie Tavern. Great films, great service, and unbelievable prices. It's got pretty good food as well as decent prices. I know that the things I paid for there I would have to pay a lot more at any other movie theater. Oh, and they serve booze. And food. Like real food, not just the ballpark or movie theater kind.

- Lastly, is the Brickstore Pub. For you inexperienced or redneck palatted beer drinkers (I'm looking at you, Tiger SACK), stay away. But for those of you that enjoy testing your livers and putting down some good, high gravity, Bavarian beers look no further than this place. It's dark, it's cozy, and I promise you that this place will deliver. Just watch your intake. I'll probably be checking this place out. Not that far from downtown either. Just a brief cab ride.

Saturday

- Essentially, I've heard that College Game Day will be broadcasting from Olympic Park in the heart of the city. Good thing for me as it's only a few short blocks away from my hotel. I'm pretty much dedicating my entire Saturday morning to gameday. I've been corresponding with a guy that works for ESPN, so, hopefully something cool pans out for me.

- Afterwards, most Clemson fans in the know will probably head to Stats Sports Bar & Grill, just a few blocks further from Olympic Park. Here is the physical contact info you'll need, but asking where it is will probably suffice. That place was rocking for not only last year's Tech game but the Peach Bowl as well. They have tables there with kegs in them. Cmon! That's freaking awesome!

- I'm sure there will be some sort of big-to-do with the ESPNZone in Buckhead given the heavy presence of the big red network in the metro area. The place itself is pretty cool and the last time I went I had a decent burger, but it's so far out of the way that I wouldn't worry about it unless you're staying in Buckhead.

Sunday

- Ok, I know this sounds like a bad idea, but I'm throwing it out there anyway. Six Flags Over Georgia. Yes it's labor day weekend but it's still fun and the park will definitely be open on Sunday. Here's a helpful link to navigate around.

- There's also always the Georgia Aquarium and the World of Coke, but I'm assuming those will be just as packed as Six Flags would be. You could always check out the big Bass Pro Shop in Lawrenceville on the way back home for you South Carolinians.

Lastly, don't forget that on Monday, September 1st, Chik-Fil-A will be giving out a free three piece chicken strip meal to anyone wearing ANY football logo... be it college, pro, high school, pee wee, whatever. Check that out. I plan on going to the five nearest to me and making a day trip out if it. Why not.

FIVE MORE DAYS.

Word on the street is some new concoction for uniforms.

24 August 2008

MUSTACHES AND MAC CUP

Don't forget the deadline for the Mustache Competition is this Friday, August 29th. We MUST have all submissions no later than 11:59 PM that night. The password to write on a sticky note and hold up in the picture will be posted on Thursday. Also, if you want us to crop the picture to protect your identity, let us know in the email you send with the picture. Send your emails to 'dannyfordisgod -at- gmail -dot- com'. Check out the official rules on the competition by clicking "mustaches" at the bottom of this post. You should be able to scroll and find them.

Also, don't forget to make your picks for the Mac Cup no later than 5 minutes before the first game. I'm assuming the deadline is 11:55 am on Saturday, but go ahead and make your picks anyways before Saturday morning.

Lastly, the following people need to send me an email of how we know you or what your handle is so we can verify that you participate with our website.

Names that need confirmation: cutiger09, clemsoniceman, Oblong Balls Carried with Force, chicagotiger91, Korn Nutz, clemsonjaymo, Willy Korn pulls out, & magic hobo.

If I don't get an email by Friday letting me know who you are and how you participate then consider yourself booted from the group. Sorry to do this, but there's an expensive bottle of booze on the line here and I'm going to use my every advantage to ensure a fair contest.

23 August 2008

RARE EBAY OPPORTUNITY

If you're mulling over the pages of eBay and happen to be checking out South Carolina Gamecock souvenirs and apparel, you might find the following: RARE GAMECOCK "BOWL BOUND" COOZIE!!!

Yes, this is an actual coozie.

The description reads:

"Tired of staying at home for the holidays? What a great way to spend it by drowning your sorrows in alcohol because your team went from #6 in the AP poll to 6 - 6 and without a bowl bid at the end of the year! And what's more perfect to keep your drink cold than an ironic coozie that was made just a little too soon? What makes it better is that this coozie is as rare as the Gamecock's postseason appearances (13 overall, 4-9-0 record). Seeing as the Gamecocks have a 521-523-44 (.479 winning percentage) record in their storied 116 years of football, you're going to have to drink to watch them play so why not keep it cold?"

I can't wait until someone actually bids on this item. Check the seller name. Yeah, I did it. No, I'm not sorry. Why did I kick someone while they were down? They'd do the same to us.

22 August 2008

FRIDAY "NEWS-AMINE"

TWO FRESHMEN TO REDSHIRT
Safety Spencer Adams and middle linebacker Jonathan Willard have been informed that coaches plan to redshirt them this season. Both will be chained to weightstacks, tossed raw steaks 3 times a day, and poked with sticks 'till they're ornery enough. Bulkier freshman Rashad Hall will not be redshirted, however, and should see some time at the safety position.


BOWERS MAY START VERSUS BAMA
Freshman phenom Da'Quan Bowers looks to have cracked the starting lineup. He had been in a near deadlock with Kevin Alexander, but a stomach bug caused Alexander to miss some practices and paved the way for Bowers. Upstate Today has the story.


LINTHICUM MAKING AN IMPACT
Sophomore tight end Brian Linthicum has added muscle this off season and rededicated himself to the game. It seems to be paying off. More weapons for Cullen Harper is always a good thing.

Taa-daa!


TRAFFIC TRICKS
CSTV has some common sense tips to avoid the massive traffic and construction delays that will no doubt plague Atlanta next week.


MOVIN' ON UP
Clemson continues to move up the list of top public universities in the latest US News & World Report. Clemson moves to #22 up from #27 and is listed as a "school to watch" for the improvements and changes the school has undertaken.


DEADSPIN SHITS THE BED

I have to preface this by saying I am an avid Deadspin reader and they've earned their rep as one of the best sports blogs out there (splogs?). We've got a little bone to pick with them on one issue, however.

This preseason they are allowing bloggers from various schools to present a brief preview of their team leading up to the opening weekend. We submitted a request to do the Clemson preview to Deadspin's Clay Travis. We received a very polite response that he had previously chosen another writer. We certainly appreciate the work he's undertaken to provide us with myriad previews for the upcoming season. Understandably deluged with requests, he somehow decided to pick some Canadian motherfucker with zero connection whatsoever to Clemson to write a half-assed preview clearly strung together from a couple Google searches for the Tigers.

Read the preview here.

It consists of a brief mention of the more known faces of the program, requisite shots at Bowden, almost as much space devoted to DeAndre McDaniel as to any other aspect of the preview, and other information sprinkled about that could be easily gleamed from a College Football Live segment. The things that probably piss me off as much as Clemson being (I think) the only school previewed thus far by a third party (wasn't the fucking point of the gimmick supposed to be getting insiders' take on their programs?) is a brief mention of the fact that both Clemson and LSU having identically named stadiums, and the obvious fact that the writer is too lazy or ignorant to do a bit of research and find out that Clemson had the name Death Valley first while LSU used to call their stadium Deaf Valley.

Rant over. Anyway, next year maybe pick someone who's actually been to the fucking campus, eh Deadspin? At least go with a good Clemson blog like The Sporting Gnomes. Seriously.

Please feel free to email Clay Travis and tell him what a fucking load of buffalo diarrhea his choice for the Clemson segment was.


THIS VIDEO MAKES ME HAPPY
In a different way than RedTube videos, though. Check it out.


COPS: MEN DRESSED LIKE NINJAS TARGETED DRUG DEALERS
Don't fuck with the "Shinobi Warriors." Unless, of course, you have guns to counter their "throwing stars, swords, and nunchucks," which if you're a drug dealer you probably do.

21 August 2008

MIXTAPE COVER ROUNDUP

Like some of you out there I love hip-hop. One of the best ways to stay on top of what's "hot in the streets," as the kids say, is to get the latest mixtapes. I cop mine from MixtapeTorrent.com. Browsing their latest offerings one can't help but be drawn to some of the more, uh, interesting mixtape covers out there. Mixtape covers: giving designers proper cause to Photoshop stacks of money, expensive liqour bottles, bejeweled text, and video hos at will since, well, whenever.


C-C-C-C-C-C-Cab-fare!



He's holding his mixtapes up inside of the mixtapes that he, himself, is holding up. Daaamn. Also, pinkies out, Jooz is a motherfucking gentleman.



More like hell up in the barber chair. Kudos for the liberally littered skeletons and awfully bad Remy bottle 'shopped in being somehow held by his clenched fist.



Iron Chef America host dude is NOT enamored with your swordfish meatloaf, Batali.



Nothing wrong with this cover, that just looks like an all-around good time.



Man, I hate this fucking part of GTA IV. Wait.... I think this is intended to be poignant and topical. Awkward silence. Is it wrong if that girl's expression makes me L out L?



Powder used the whole bottle of bronzer, man. This might be the best airbrush work not applied to a novelty t-shirt in a shopping mall stall. Matchin' hats half off, y'all!




CHRIS SHERIDAN GOT JOKES

Sometimes a piece of journalistic brilliance touches a part of your soul. Even the much maligned sports journalist can whip up a bit of literary magic every now and again that brings to light the human equation in the world of athletics. Then there's this gem from ESPN's Chris Sheridan in a recent article about the Team USA's march through the Olympics.

Deron Williams couldn't talk about the play of the night immediately after the game, because he was the Team USA player randomly selected to take a doping test afterward.

Perhaps he tested positive for that little-known substance called "gamechange-amine."


*crickets*

Sheridan needs 100 cc's of "cockpunch-amine" stat.

Furthermore, Sheridan is such a negative Nancy I don't know whether to hate the guy or salute his persistence in pooh-poohing the "Redeem Team." His coverage of Team USA basically goes like this:

Coach K chosen as head coach.

Sheridan blasts choice, predicts losses.

Team roster announced.

Sheridan blasts roster choices, predicts losses.

Schedule comes out.

Sheridan predicts losses.

Team USA blows out opponents, on to the medal rounds.

Sheridan says meh. Repeat.


Also, in this photo Chris Sheridan looks like the head sister from the Shawshank Redemption if he had cancer and was stuck in an airlock and his eyes had started to bug out from the pressure.

Oh, hi. When I'm not writing about sports I'm raping men in depression era New England prisons.

20 August 2008

THURSDAY NEWS

- Rendrick Taylor redshirting his senior season has become a reality. Personally, I think this is just another example of how Rendrick is a stand up guy and we could use his leadership next year. I just hope all of this works out for him in the end. I've enjoyed watching him play and hope this is the right decision in the end.

- Jerry Buck Inman, the excuse for a human being that murdered Clemson student Tiffany Souers, has plead guilty and wishes to be executed for his crime. Personally, I think this guy deserves to suffer the worst imaginable punishments but unfortunately because of how America is set up he will never get his probably. This is a tough subject and it still gets to me, I just hope a little bit of justice, hope, and awareness can come from this.

- It seemed that Shawn Crawford was the only one that could beat Usain Bolt in the 200m, but the field was blown away by Bolt in a feat of athleticism that the world has probably never seen before. This guy is beyond sick. He got beat and came in fourth but because second and third place were DQ'ed for lane violations, Crawford and FSU Alum Walter Dix brought home Filver and Bronze respectively.


Usain Bolt wins the 200m (sorry for quality).

- 2 Columbia policemen were suspended after arresting a football player back in March. As you remember, Eddie Floyd, a member of the USC board of trustees, whined and complained that cops were targeting the football players in Columbia. Any connection? I don't know but the player in question was resisting arrest and when a guy that big is giving me shit he's gonna get the bull tazer, no questions asked. The officers submitted a plee of not guilty.

19 August 2008

SEASON PREVIEW

Personally, I think paprika's gonna be damned hard to beat.


THE SCHEDULE

8/30 - vs. Alabama (Georgia Dome)
9/06 - vs. The Citadel
9/13 - vs. NC State
9/20 - vs. SC State
9/27 - vs. Maryland
10/09 - @ Wake Forest (Thursday)
10/18 - vs. Georgia Tech
11/1 - @ Boston College (DFIG road trip)
11/08 - @ FSU (DFIG roadtrip)
11/15 - Duke
11/22 - @ UVA
11/29 - vs. Sakerlina


SUMMARY

Cullen Harper is in fantastic form this preseason and has an excellent cadre of backups behind him (WILLY KORNNNNNNNN) in case something was to happen to him. Our backfield is arguably the best in the nation with CJ Spiller and James Davis backed up by star freshmen Andre Ellington and Jamie Harper. Aaron Kelly leads a good receiver corps that includes Xavier Dye, Jacoby Ford, Tyler Grisham, and heralded frosh Marquan Jones. The offensive line has been described politely as “talented but inexperienced” and has been the topic of much discussion. Our season largely hinges on how well they perform this year (NEWSFLASH!) and stout run defenses could cause similar problems to some of last year’s shitty rushing performances (see: GT). The starting five look to be Chris Hairston at left tackle, Cory Lambert at right tackle, Jamarcus Grant and Barry Humphries as the guards, and returning starter Thomas Austin at center. If the OL stays healthy, the offense should be among the most productive in the nation (outside of those gimmick ass Texas Tech bastards).

Defensively, safety Michael Hamlin and DE Ricky Sapp anchor a defense that lost its top four linebackers from last year. Daquan Bowers, the #1 ranked recruit in the country according to ESPN, has proven explosive in practice thus far and is fighting for a starting spot. Stanley Hunter, Brandon Maye, and Josh Miller are currently battling for the middle linebacker spot. Defensive coordinator Vic Keonning has expressed some reservations about his defensive unit (LOL, unit), but he’s rarely been overly positive in describing his squad in preseason.

Dawson Zimmerman is believed to be the leading candidate for starting punter after separating himself from the pack during scrimmages. We don’t have much to say about our special teams, other than they’ll probably continue to be average.


Whoop whoop.


CHILI: Mainstream perception of Clemson this year is generally positive, if not a little misinformed. Admittedly we here at DFIG are perhaps too biased to judge whether another outlet is objective or not, but we try to keep a level head about us (thanks for the advice, Kipling) and not look at everything through orange colored glasses. Bowden has certainly had a rollercoaster ride of a tenure at Clemson, but I think that recruiting and facilities are finally starting to overcome some of the deficiencies we've faced in the past. I don't think it's fair for the punditry to say that Clemson ALWAYS shits the bed. Speaking of media, some asshat from the NFL Network predicted Wake Forest to win the division and backed it up by trying to rattle off all the talent they have at various positions. There is no team in the league with the level of talent Clemson boasts this year. Period. See what I did there? I typed out the word "period" to emphasize how super fucking serious I am. Whammy. There? I lightened the mood with some onomatopoeia.

Of course Clemson can catch their proverbial nutsack on the unforgiving 10 penny nail of failure, but I think that any losses the Tigers will incur this year will be in some of the tougher road games. Legitimate losses, if you will. All the puzzle paces are in place for this to be a very special season for Clemson. I normally tend to be a realist, but I can't help but be a little optimistic about the upcoming season.


PREDICTION: 10-2 regular season + ACCCG victory over VT, loss in BCS game. Man, this is way too fucking optimistic for me. My only caveat is that obviously the OL is flimsy with some injuries, so beware of that. I can see us losing to Bama, Wake, FSU, and/or BC. Sakerlina could be a loss, depending on how they improve over the season. Certainly their defense will be disgustingly good, but the offense looks to again be a bunch of limpdicks.

In conclusion, scuppernongs are tasty and don't ever try to snort BC powder. Just don't do it. *points at you and winks* Also, I don't buy the UNC as dark horse ACC champion thing for one fucking minute. Butchie's gonna need more than a year to turn that ship around that much.



WILLY MAC
: Stage door left blasts open and slams against the wall as the hinge breaks. A hearty and ear piercing metal-slamming sound reverberates in the auditorium. The door begins to sway closed as a foot barely manages to block it open at the last second creating a sack-of-potatoes-thud. Willy Mac drags a very basic steel soap box across the floor to center stage making not only terrible screeching noises, but pausing every so often for you to hear him gasp for breath in a half "way-to-excited-about-this-season", half needs to get his fat ass on a treadmill sort of fashion. Finally, the unnecessary noises ceases as he brings the box to a dead halt at center stage. Willy Mac steps up onto the box, clears his throat, and proceeds in his best possible "Resident of Honea Path" accent:

WE GON WIN IT. WE GON WIN IT ALL. ALL DEH WAY BABY. TAKE AT SHYIT TO DUH BANK! OH YOU KNOW IT, SON! HELL, I'D PUT MY DOG AND ALL FOUR TIRES OFF MY TRUCK ON THIS BEYAT. CLAMPSON OVER JEEYORJUH IN DEH BEE-CEE-EYASS DIS YERR!


On a serious note, I worried myself to death starting in July about the coming season. Then all of a sudden, last week I became extremely comfortable and confident. I can't tell at this point whether all the sunshine blown up my ass has gotten to me, or if I can trust my instinct. I'd say its about 20% sunshine at this point, but who knows. As Chili stated, we've got some glaring holes, and if the injury bug from 2006 comes around we might be screwed. Really, I trust Vic Koenning to take care of the linebackers and I trust Brad Scott to take care of the line. I feel we finally have enough talent to overcome inexperience. Also, I feel that the whole Bowden fight policy put me in a good mood as well. It was pretty obvious that as of the VT game last year, we were as fake as a bad horror film as well as unbearable to watch. We'll do fine, I promise. Woooooosssahhh. Goose-frabas.


PREDICTION: An 11-2 season is most probable as well with a win over UNC (Yeah, I said it, let's see what happens. VT is not lookin hot right now) in the ACCCG and a BCS win over either Louisville or a BCS loss to WV. Either way, we lose two games later in the season, not earlier. We've got too much talent. Also, if we lose to BC, you can count on me getting time traveling drunk, pants optional.



You see that? That's right, the glory days are back.

15 August 2008

BOWDEN LIKES TO WATCH A GOOD FIGHT

I mean, I don't hate him, but I don't love him. But when he makes policies on in-practice fights that condones the act, it's hard not to like that aspect of his approach to coaching.

Bowden in fighting in practice:

"Everybody's got a different philosophy. Coming from a family of brothers, we fought a lot, and I love my brothers. These guys are family and they fight, so it doesn't bother me too much when they fight... heat of battle, two-a-days, that's the enemy right now for the next two weeks. I talked to those guys hard about not hitting each other in the head, especially if they lose their helmet. If the helmet comes off, instead of hitting them in the head, we asked them to just choke them. That way we figured we could get 'em off before they killed 'em."

- So far, two people with broken hands via fighting: Jamie Cumbie & Brandon Thompson. Cumbie is still performing and playing even with hand and should be the expected starter for the Bama game. I think it's great because I think it promotes nastiness... something we've found that we didn't have around the time of the Virginia Tech game last year.

Laslty, it's almost back...15 more days...

PREASEASON BLOGPOLL

Here is our preliminary submission for the preseason blogpoll over at the Mgoblog. Please comment on any changes we should make and we'll submit a final, adjusted poll next week. Also, if you want to see by far the dumbest fucking preseason poll in the history of dumb preseason polls, go here.

RankTeam
1 Georgia
2 Southern Cal
3 Florida
4 Oklahoma
5 Missouri
6 LSU
7 Ohio State
8 Texas
9 Clemson
10 Kansas
11 Texas Tech
12 Auburn
13 Virginia Tech
14 Wisconsin
15 Arizona State
16 West Virginia
17 Brigham Young
18 Wake Forest
19 Illinois
20 Oregon
21 South Florida
22 Penn State
23 Michigan
24 Alabama
25 Utah

11 August 2008

BRIEF MONDAY NIGHT NEWSAMANIA

- Over the weekend Clemson picked up three star linebacker Corico Hawkins out of Milledgeville, Georgia. Apparently to those in the know, although he is only a three star Hawkins is really nasty and a very physical player that could definitely help bolster the Clemson defense for years to come.

- Former Clemson Track athlete and Olympic gold medalist Shawn Crawford and current Tiger Track member Travis Padgett are competing for the United States in the 200m and 4x100m relay, respectively. Crawford will start on Monday morning, August 18th and Padgett will see action on Thursday night, August 21st as per the Beijing Track schedule (I have no idea if these times are Chinese time or American time, so, go figure.)

- Rashaad Jackson is out with a torn quad tendon as via the ESPN article written by Heather Dinnich (who is becoming hotter the more I read her articles). The good news is that he is going to be replaced mostly by Jamie Cumbie who came to Clemson as someone who didn't even look like he was on the team to entering fall camp as a ten foot tall beast man who enjoyed mushing Kenneth Page's face in a practice fight that occurred a few days ago (Page cut block Cumbie, so, another freshman lives and learns.)

- Clemson had a scrimmage this past Saturday, read more here. On a lighter note, I had a buddy who was actually listening through Dan Scott's show the other morning, discussing the speed rating of Willy Korn on NCAA Football 09 with a listener. Apparently the caller was upset that Korn only had a 74 speed rating in the game. He felt that Korn would be better suited as a 76. Did this really happen? Seriously? Is this how bad it has gotten? Even more so, two freakin points?!?!?!? If you ever feel the urge to listen to that station, let me save you some time:

Host: Go ahead caller, you're on 104.9 THE DRIVE!

Caller: Welp, let's talk about the upcoming season for [Clemson/Carolina].

Host: Well, the offense looks great, but the could be better. The defense is stout but it still needs improvement. Overall, you're looking at either a national championship contender or a dreary sub .500 season.

Caller: Well, how can ya tell there buddy?

Host: During the scrimmages and practice, the offense and defense have looked evenly matched but have shown FLASHES OF BRILLIANCE! THEY'RE GREAT! I LOVE THEIR CHANCES AND YOU SHOULD TOO!

Caller: Welp, thank ye there pal.

Host: Next caller, you're on 104.9 THE DRIVE!

Caller: Welp, let's talk about the upcoming season for [Clemson/Carolina].

[Repeat, ad nauseam]

- Lastly, even though I'm not voting for him, it's still pretty damn funny. Enjoy:



Personally, I'm voting for Robot Nixon. I LOVE HIS CHANCES AND YOU SHOULD TOO!


08 August 2008

THE MAC IS BACK

That's right, you heard me right. The Macallan Cup wheels have officially starting turning and the season is underway. You can sign up for our group at Yahoo College Pick'em (Group ID #5146). The password this year?

This years password: wendypeffercorn

"I've been coming here every summer of my adult life, and every summer there she is oiling and lotioning, lotioning and oiling... smiling. I can't take this no more!"

2007 Mac Cup Champion

Sambo, Crown Royal XR

2006 Mac Cup Champion

Chili, The Macallan 18 Year Sherry Oak*

* - Due to Willy Mac being an idiot and getting the wrong kind.

Rules:

-If there are any problems, DFIG reserves the right to hold an emergency meeting of parliament and make decisions based on what’s best for our site.

- If you win, we give you a bottle of booze at the end of the regular season. Usually it’s The Macallan 18-year-old, but if you want a different bottle of booze at lesser value, whatever. If one of us wins, the loser buys the winner a bottle.

- This lasts from the beginning of the season until the end of the regular season (naturally). End of the regular season being after conference championships and before bowl games. If you don’t feel comfortable with us having your home address… doing a little bit of stalking… taking some personal reconnaissance pictures of you and your family… then don’t sign up….but if you find a nice pile of manturd… just know…. we were there.

- Finally, we are asking that you actually be a reader of our site. Honor code here people. Also we ask that you use real handles (such as jasonl, NoleCC, Brad, DC87, Sambo, Tully, etc.) and if we feel that you’re using more than one handle you’re banninated. Also, if you know people that posted in previous years that haven’t really kept up with the site in the off season, let them know. Usually, we can figure out who’s who via email addresses so if you don’t usually or haven’t commented, given us feedback, or kept up with the site don’t be upset when you get the boot from the competition. Also, just because you’re a friend or someone we know doesn’t buy you rights to the competition. This is for our regular readers.

- TBIAM automatically loses.

07 August 2008

THURSDAY NEWSERCISE

Emily Stewart '07.... any wonder why we're so happy?


Clemson tops this year's list of "Top 10 Schools with the Happiest Students" in the recent Princeton Review. So, we've got that goin' for us. The campus will certainly be a lot happier if the football team can meet expectations. The Anderson Independent Mail has it covered.





The Astro III in downtown Clemson is closing today. Carmike Cinemas informed staff at the Clemson landmark just 4 days ago that they would close. For those not familiar with the Astro, it’s a small 30 year old theater that shows second-run movies for $2.50 a pop and is a relief to cash strapped students. There is a Facebook group to save the Astro III that has already attracted thousands of supporters. The likelihood of saving the Astro is not high; Carmike is strapped for cash and the theater sits on a valuable piece of land. This is a sad case of another unique Clemson landmark being swept away for some mass market chain bullshit, or a sub shop, or another block of condos from Tom fuckin' Winkopp. I remember going to the Astro with Sambo to go see that godawful movie Phone Booth with a coatfull of beers in the middle of the summer. We paid in rolls of pennies. Good times.


PRACTICE NOTES

Will Vandervort has an interesting article on Aaron Kelly and his consistency. I was extremely impressed at how he was able to bounce back from a devastating dropped ball against BC to help the Tigers drive down the field for the victory in Williams-Brice the very next game.

Also from that article - kicking is so bad that Bowden has declared the field goal and punting duties open for the taking. PUT IN WILLY KORNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! HE MAKES LOU GROZA ANDTHE GARBAGE PICKING FIELD GOAL KICKING PHILADELPHIA PHENOMENON LOOK LIKE LITTLE GIRLS. BEAUTIFUL, STRONG LEGGED LITTLE GIRLS. Anyway, kicking and special teams have been sub par for a number of years and this is no indication of improvement.

Corey Lambert seems to be developing into team leader. He came into Clemson with extremely high expectations placed on him as is want to happen to highly recruited in-state athletes who stay in-state. He’s taking his time, and using what he learned from Barry Richardson to help lead the inexperienced line corps.His leadership is desperately needed.


INJURIES

WRs Jacoby Ford and Xavier Dye, TE Michael Palmer, and OT David Smith have all missed some practice due to minor injuries. Ford with a sprained ankle, Dye with a bruised shoulder, Palmer with a pulled hamstring, and Smith with a dislocated toe.


MORE RATIONAL DISCOURSE FROM COLUMBIA

Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain has the scoop on the senile old Sakerlina trustee who thinks all campus cops are out to get their fine, upstanding football players. It must be a conspiracy by cops with "tiger paws in [their] office."


IN OTHER NEWS

The greatest headline ever.


NBC THINKS WE'RE THE JAMS

NBC Sports has their preseason top 25 out today. Clemson is ranked #3, behind Georgia and Ohio State. The only people who rank Clemson higher are probably Clemson fans. Take it with a grain of salt, people.

01 August 2008

COACHES' POLL RANKINGS RELEASED



The preseason USA Today Coaches' Poll was released today; Georgia tops the list while Clemson ranks in at number 9. Number 9. Number 9. Number 9. We reprint the top 10 below, for the whole 25, go here.

1. Georgia
2. Southern Cal
3. Ohio State
4. Oklahoma
5. Florida
6. LSU
7. Missouri
8. West Virginia
9. Clemson
10. Texas

Other ACC teams in the top 25 are Virginia Tech at 15th and Wake Forest at the 23rd spot. Alabama is just out of the poll in the 26th spot.

31 July 2008

LEGGETT ISSUES STATEMENT ON FIRE


On behalf of my wife Karen and myself, we would like to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. The magnitude of outpouring of support means a great deal to my family. We sincerely appreciate everyone's understanding of our need for privacy at this time. In the upcoming days and weeks, we will be working to establish a fund to aid a fire-related cause. Further information will be forthcoming.

Again, our sincere thanks and gratitude,

Jack Leggett


Also, when he states that they will be establishing a fund to aid fire related acidents, he's speaking of helping others. I find this very respectable of Leggett, especially in his own time of crisis.

30 July 2008

STEVE'S SCHEDULING SHENANIGANS

Grrr! We're tough by proxy!


A reader pointed out to us that Roy Philpott at the great CUTigers.com has taken on Spurrier's spouting off about schedules in his recent article titled "Fun with Schedules." By Philpott's estimation, SC would go 6-4-1 against Clemson's schedule (the tie being a theoretical dead heat with Virginia) and the Tigers would finish 8-3 against the Gamecock's foes. The Tigers, as they tend to do, take the season finale versus Sakerlina. Philpott is correct in saying that it all boils down to talent. The Gamecocks have a stout defense this year with some players any team would be glad to have. Clemson, on the other hand, has one of the most explosive offensive talent pools in the nation, the OL of course being the question mark. Spurrier can try and spin this thing however he likes, but the Tigers are better regardless of the competition.

29 July 2008

UNDER STEVE'S SKIN

Yes, I'm aware that's not the proper Clemson paw in the background. Blame the LSU Photoshopper, not me.


We try not to dwell on Sakerlina too much outside of the occasional police report or during the week of the game. I've seen a couple of the SC blogs out there and it seems every 2nd or 3rd post is taking swipes at the Tigers. Seeing as we don't harbor a staggering inferiority complex like the chickens, we like to think we're above that. Of course we're not above highlighting some of the delightful quips spewed from the mouth of Steve Spurrier in a recent news article.

Spurrier has said in the past that "We will never lose to Clemson again." So much for that, unless you count moral victories, which most Sakerlina fans do.

He's also stated "I don't talk about Clemson." Right, right....

In a recent peice in the Raleigh News & Observer, Spurrier is quoted as saying "I wish one of the sports writers, when they start picking everybody's record this year, would write how they'd do if Clemson played South Carolina's schedule and South Carolina played Clemson's schedule." Perhaps, Steve, the reason they don't do this is because such retarded speculation is the realm of messageboard dwelling mouthbreathers. Clemson doesn't play SC's schedule, nor does SC play Clemson's. The media, albeit less frequently these days, tends to deal in realities, not the sort of whining speculation a revered coach reverts to when he can't succeed in-state. I'll absolutely agree that SC has a more difficult schedule than does Clemson. Them's the breaks, as they say. Tough shit. Having a tougher schedule does not make your team better. The results of Clemson-SC games during the brief time SC has been clinging to the leg of the big bad SEC should prove that.

As someone pointed out, this is further evidence that Spurrier is just becoming one of them. He once spoke of championships and bringing glory to SC and now he just complains about Clemson and the tough SEC schedule. Steve Spurrier... more like Steve Worrier amirite!?!?!? LOLOLOLOLOL!!!1!!!!1!

Spurrier followed up his quote with "But anyway, that's the way it is. There's no big deal about it." This is interesting to me because it fits a pattern in his shit talking. See, men talk and don't back down. Women and guys who wear visors outside of their acceptable areas (tennis courts, golf courses, old timey poker tables) deal in the passive-aggressive. Say something brash, then temper it with a half-retraction and dismiss it as inconsequential. Look at some of his more bitchy quotes over time and you'll usually see a half-assed retraction after the fact.

It appears that, though only 2-1 against Spurrier, with Clemson seeming to gain some momentum in recruiting and in the polls, Tommy Bowden and the Tigers are getting under Steve's skin. This should be fun to watch as it plays out.

28 July 2008

LEGGETT'S HOUSE DESTROYED BY FIRE

Just a quick note to let you know that Clemson Baseball Coach Jack Leggett lost his house in a fire yesterday. Check out the news blotter from WYFF here. We'll keep you updated on the situation. Condolences to the Leggett's and thankfully nobody was hurt.

25 July 2008

UNDAUNTED COURAGE: THE SEMI-FICTICIOUS EPIC THAT IS PETER LALICH'S LIFE

Peter Lalich is a man among men. A mountain bear of a man with a football as a chew toy and a neolithic stone arm from outer space. But no, Lalich wasn't just born into greatness. He had to hit the baptismal fire of life head on in a crazy windmill fashion that only he could pull off with awkward smoothness. Perhaps you have already seen his AMAZING WIKIPEDIA ENTRY. If you haven't seen it, this is unacceptable. Fortunately, I'm here to not only provide you with a link to the article but to also to fill in the gaps that were left out. This is the amazing (semi) true story of one Master Peter Lalich navigated by yours truly with the assistance of a few facebook pictures (thank you public domain laws!)...

Peter Lalich: Harder than galvanized steel... forged in Springfield, Virginia

Young Peter was born on May 18th, 1988 to... uh... Peter Lalich who then subsequently... uh, named his son... Peter... after "Pistol" Pete Maravich. Ipso facto, Peter Lalich is a reincarnation of Pete Maravich but with a penchant for football, not basketball. He then grew up and did some rather insignificant stuff until the day he picked up his first football and threw it into the next neighborhood. Unfortunately for Peter, athleticism can't buy you friends at such an early age and he remained in a secluded sect of youngsters that is usually dominated by tall, goofy kids that nervously interact as little as possible with peers. Life was hard for Peter in Pop Warner, little did he know that life was only about the get much harder.

Lalich, like his hero Jack Lambert, was accustomed to losing teeth in his early football years due to his vicious and often raucous style of play.

The mental toughness that would later show in his UVA years was constructed in searing heat as well as hurricane type storms under thundering skies while practicing and learning from Coach van Gouda at Springfield Middle School. Most of his toughness, as one might assume occurred on the field, actually came from what happened between bells during school. Teenage years can be harsh on a youth, but due to Peter being the "tall, ugly, goofy kid," puberty took it's toll twice as hard on him. At lunch he was relegated to sitting by himself or sitting with the kids that were a hodgepodgery of cracking voices, pimples, and dorkishness. Lalich decided to walk the lonely road... furthering his journey down a war beaten path.

Next came high school. Still no friends. Still no girls. Still a big ug. Peter experimented with Puka shell necklaces, neon green hat/pink shirt combos, feuax burberry sweaters pulled low, and taking pictures with his arms crossed and his greasy bangs pulled into his face. It can't really be explained in mere words. Thus, the photo journal:





It kinda makes me miss high school myself. Things changed however. Peter got a letter telling him he's got a full ride to UVA. Given natural high school social dictation, within minutes he's got everything he could ever want. Parties, chicks, etc. It doesn't matter that he's one ugly mother now. All of that goes away when ya sign with the Wahoos. Especially when you're buried on the depth chart. That's where the real action is. Simply put, Peter Lalich is the fucking man. He's the Bomb.com. Seriously.

In fact, you should friend him on facebook, immediately. The reasoning behind this is the fact that he gives almost daily inspiration in his status updates ranging from statements like "Peter... snow so white, only thing missin is 7 dwarfs" and "Peter... str8 like arm hair." I teared up when I read " Peter... I just do my pete and everytime i speak my sentences are complete LOLOLOLOL."

More so, Peter Lalich knows people. Want tickets to that Skid Row concert minutes before the show? No worries, Peter already has someone stuffing your tickets AND backstage passes in Will Call as we speak. He's got you front and back. You wanna roll with Peter to lunch? Sure thing. He'll just pick up his Kia Sorrento that the dealership lends him and be on his way over. Onward to lunch as you're further impressed that EVERYONE KNOWS PETER. Even the people at Moe's shout to him as he enters! Peter Lalich is a Campus Legend. In fact, he coined the phrase and sent it along to the NCAA football game developers, via e-mail... on his Blackberry. Stunningly, he's so amazing that he even lists Rivals.com as his personal website on facebook!

What's that? You want some beer? Oh he's got you covered man. He's got a fake that can get him in anywhere in town. No problem. Most of the times he just skips the line and goes right in without waiting or getting carded! You know why? Cause he's on the fucking football team... that's why. Just let him go in this seedy gas station and get it for you... He'll be back in two seconds with a case of warm Natty Ice that we can shotgun. *fast forward* See dude, here you go. I told you. Peter is the man. He can... dude, you've got a cop behind you and he's pulling you over. Shit. Dude, our parents are gonna be so pissed. Turns out Peter isn't the man. He's just some strange looking dude who gets drunk, shows up to your party uninvited, gropes the girls at your party, drinks your beer and eats all of your food in the fridge, passes out in a puddle of his own vomit in your front yard, and hopefully... maybe one day he might be lucky enough to have a bad acid trip and go nuts in the middle of your neighborhood street. Ah, the life of a struggling back up quarterback. This is where it begins, Peter. Please stay the course because personally, I enjoy a long drawn out downfall.

24 July 2008

THURSDEE NEWS

MONEY MONEY MONEY DRANKIN DRANKIN DRANKIN

SI reports that Clemson and Alabama will receive nearly $2 million each for the season opener in the Georgia Dome. More importantly, beer will be sold until halftime. BEER WILL BE SOLD AT A CLEMSON GAME. EGADS.

So what will happen when the unsuspecting fan discovers he can instantly kick the action up a notch at the Dome? I like to think it'll go a little something (pause) like this:

[scene: concession stand, Georgia Dome, Aug 30, 2008]

Alabama fan: "Good sir, let me get 8 Chick-fil-A sammiches, a trash bag full of waffle fries doused in polynesian sauce, uh, and a bushel of nuggets. And take my fanny pack and fill it with honey-mustard. I also require a tankard of your finest lemonade."

Concession boy: "Ah, yes, the medium sized Friedgen Meal. Sir, we also are selling beer until halftime today."

Bamafan: (incredulous) "Wait, what the fuck did you just say to me?"

Concession boy: (takes a step back) "Uh... I said we also have beer."

Bamfan: (squinting) "Toying with my alcoholism is like toying with my emotions, Poppa Smurf. This is a college football game, we do our binge drinking before, not during."

Concession boy: "But sir, it's only 8 dollars per 16 oz cup."

Bmfin: (salivating) "Are the cups.... *gulp* are the cups flimsy?"

Concession boy: "So flimsy you can barely hold onto them."

Brmfrrn: (lip trembles) "Please tell me the beer is.. oh God.. lukewarm and watered down."

Concessions: "Indeed. Sir it's really only beer in name alone."

Brmfnnnn: SMASH GRAB DRINK PUNCH VOMIT PUNCH DRINK DRINK YELL DRINK GROPE DRINK *ding* Halftime *ding* APOLOGIZE

Much like SNL writers I don't know how to end a bit. END.


Just pour the beer into this carrying bag on a pole. No, it's not an IV drip. Do IV poles come painted crimson? Didn't think so, bub.



ACC SPORTSWRITERS HEART CLEMSON

Clemson was picked by 51 of 65 ACC media types to win the ACC Championship. 59 out of 65 picked the Tigers to win their division. 5 media members tabbed Wake to win the division. This was the first time since 1991 that the Tigers were chosen to win the league. Clemson, of course, clenched their last league crown in 1991. SPOOOOKY. The State talks about it here.

Pasty manchild and Varsity hot-dog distributor Stewart Mandel is one of the writers who picked Clemson, albiet with some strong reservations.

STACKED OFFENSE

Cullen Harper, James Davis, and CJ Spiller led preseason player of the year voting and join Aaron Kelly and Michael Hamlin on the preseason all-ACC team. The article in The State goes on to note that Coach Bowden may be prepared to move man-beast Rendrick Taylor back to WR after getting some work in the backfield.

INJURY REPORTS

The ACC will become the first CFB conference to release regular injury reports. Twice weekly, baby.

MUSTACHE RULES UPDATE

Yeah, so… I had top change a few of the rules to the competition. I got rid of the whole “having to wear a mustache for a month” partly due to my graduation on August 9th and a few people were bitching about not only wearing it but having it for the Bama game which I can understand. That’s my fault for the scheduling. So, the new deadline is August 29th. You can check the revised rules below. Also, Chili and I will judge but your input in the judging will be taken and is appreciated. Sorry again for the mid-season shafting, but, get over it.

Revised Rules:

1.) Shaving commences the morning of June 6th. Pictures of your shaved facial hair must be emailed to dannyfordisgod -at- gmail -dot- com. You don’t even have to shave that morning, just some time that day send me a pic of your jaw area etc.

2.) Growing of mustaches shall last until August 29th. Shaving of said mustache before the given date results in a disaqualification and a good ribbing. Pictures of your mustaches must be sent in to the same email address with proof of date on August 29th. (Proof of date will be a password we give you the day of and you can put it on a sticky note and hold it up in your picture. Make sure we can see the sticky note and your mustache clearly.)

3.) Each grower may choose their own facial hair growing pattern for the entirety of the competition.

4.) Winner will be determined by style, creativity, and effectiveness of the mustache by Chili and I using a scale of one to ten starting on August 29th, 2008 and no later than September 5, 2008.

5.) Any style of mustache is accepted. Examples are as follows: Cooter, Hitler (if you so choose), Handlebar, Pushbroom/Earnhardt Sr., Triple H Handlebar, The Captain James T Hook, etc. Pencil thin mustaches do not count.

6.) If there are any problems, DFIG reserves the right to hold an emergency meeting of parliament and make decisions based on what’s best for our site.

23 July 2008

VOTE FOR CLEMSON!!!

Vote for Clemson in the ESPN helmet clash. On a serious note, ESPN needs to stop with these pointless competitions. But seriously, go vote.

Oh yeah, and as of 8pm tonight... 38 MORE DAYS

19 July 2008

PERTINENT NOTES & NEWSIFICATION

- The Sporting Gnomes stumbled upon an article stating that the coaching staff is thinking about redshirting Rendrick Taylor (who is now a senior) so that he can get better acquainted with the runningback position he was moved to during the spring. Another main reason for the debate is that they also want to get Andre Ellington and Jamie Harper some experience as true freshmen.

- I've been getting a lot of questions and comments from friends, readers, etc. about the season ticketing and all the hullabaloo of the new seating plan. IPTAY released two major updates of information on the matter. The first was just a general Seat Equity Plan update and the latter was an update concerning the parking issues for next year.

- Cullen Harper has been put on the preseason 2008 Davey O'Brien QB Award watch list as per the article listed on the CUAD website. As you know, ESPN pulled a little trick last year that most like to call "biased journalism" as they practically ran the Heisman campaign push for Matt Ryan, the dark horse QB candidate out of Boston College even though statistically Harper was as good as Ryan, arguably holding better numbers in more categories given the different styles of offense each respective QB played in (Ok, ok, that comeback at Virginia Tech was ridiculous, but facts are facts.) There are others who speculate that Harper could be a dark horse as well. Unfortunately, as always dark horses are just that... and they never win.

- The WestZone phase II is well underway and IPTAY has been nice enough to set up a webcam for the construction site that you can find here. All kinds of options from live streaming down to refreshing every two minutes. Construction will continue through the season but shouldn't hamper any parking or pedestrian traffic. The CUAD states, "Phase II of the WestZone will include the coaches' offices, new strength and conditioning area, administrative offices, a large team room and expanded equipment room. This component of the WestZone will enable the football staff and support personnel to relocate into the WestZone and free up valuable space in McFadden for our Olympic Sports. Phase II will make a profound impact on our Total Sports Program, as the WestZone will be beneficial not only to football but to the entire department. "

- Cortney Vincent to transfer to Tarleton State after being dismissed for several reasons. Can you say DII Preseason All-American?

- I've been getting anxious about the upcoming season. Actually, I've been getting anxious about thinking about getting excited about the upcoming schedule... in the future... at a later date... on which I'm sure that my stomach will hurt. With that, I've found the 2008 Clemson Schedule widget for the Mac. Couldn't find anything for vista that didn't look completely sketched out. I did however go online and work out a pitiful little "counter until the kickoff of the Clemson/Bama game in Atlanta" that looks as if your mom or dad forwarded it to you (as well as everyone else in their address book, judging from the header) in an e-mail. Enjoy. I'm also gonna tinker with an html countdown for the sidebar if I can get one that looks good enough, but don't hold your breath.

42 MORE DAYS

14 July 2008

DR. I.M. IBRAHIM PASSES


Condolences to the family and friends of Dr. I.M. Ibrahim as he passed this past Saturday. Read the Tigernet write up on him. Good man. Good Clemson man. Dr. I. originally convinced then Clemson Athletic Director Frank Howard to allow soccer to be a varsity sport. He became one of the winningest soccer coaches in the country by winning two national championships and 11 conference championships. He also owned The Tiger Sports shop and The Athletic Department stores. Lastly, he was also a fellow blogger with a Clemson flavor. Again, condolences.

10 July 2008

BOOBIES AND ASSAULT RIFLES

So, I'm embracing the territory, culture, and lifestyle around me known as the Simpsonville area and I am going to purchase a second gun. Chili and I were discussing and I've narrowed my selection down to the SIG 9mm or an AR-15 made by either Colt, Rock River, Bushmaster, or again a SIG (even though it's slightly different). I just happened to throw a few related search terms into youtube and this is what came up. Enjoy.

THURSDAY NEWSAPALOOZA

ESPN has their Insider preview of Clemson available for free here. Go check it out. They rate Clemson as far and away the most talented Atlantic Division team and Cullen Harper, James Davis, and Aaron Kelly as the best in the conference in their respective positions. ESPN also notes that the linebackers and offensive line lack depth and chemistry at this point in time. No surprise there. The preview is wrapped up in essentially the same way every other one this preseason has been; with the caveat that Clemson has been in the position to win before and failed. Nothing is a given.

Trev Alberts, whom Sprint apparently felt was so invaluable in the world of sports punditry that they needed to independently fund him like some sort of Medici family of mediocre talking head benefactors, has some nice things to say about Clemson.



TREV

09 July 2008

WEDNESDAY NEWSGASM

ESPN's Heather Dinich has a nice writeup of Cullen Harper on her ACC blog. The post touches on Cullen's dad Jeff's national title with Georgia in 1980 and Cullen's pursuit of a title to call his own.

According to ScoresandOdds.com, Cullen is a 20-1 shot for the Heisman.

DeAndre McDaniel was not punished by the Clemson student judicial review board last week and will remain on the team for the time being. The board did, however, retain the right to revisit his situation if new evidence is provided. His future with the team remains in limbo and will largely rest on his criminal hearing later in the year. Read about it here. Coach Bowden has shown a willingness to dismiss players who have run-ins with the law. As badly as Clemson needs McDaniel, Bowden will likely stick to form and dismiss McDaniel if he is found guilty. The biggest question mark here is what Bowden will do with McDaniel until trial.

Clemson-Bama is 52 days away but Deep South Sports proves the tat battle has already begun.

Sakerlina fans have been smearing a nasty little rumor around SC and Clemson boards as well as whatever other boards they can weasel into. Some mouthbreathers are claiming that someone - fans, boosters, or even coaches - is mailing out negative information about the Gamecocks to potential recruits. O-kay. What negative mailings are those? The South Carolina media guide? The State Newspaper? Clemson needn't spread negative publicity about Sakerlina, they do a damned good job of that by themselves. Witness a fanbase so delusional they must create boogeymen and conspiracy theories to explain to themselves why they're being outrecruited by the Tigers.

Here's the Clemson version of the localized NCAA 09 commercials. Enjoy.



Buy NCAA 09! Now with new... er.. rosters.

04 July 2008

HAPPY 232ND BIRTHDAY, AMERICA!

"There are no people on earth in whom a spirit of enthusiastic zeal is so readily kindled and burns so remarkably as among Americans." - Mercy Warren

02 July 2008

TEH BEARDS TO BEES UPDATING, PLASE

Some of our readers in the competition have answered their call to arms and sent in their mugshots of said bearded combo. Some of them didn't... err... haven't yet sent in photos (I'm looking at you, Sambo). I, of course, obliged myself and took a bad picture of my somewhat swollen face and have never been more insecure of myself than now.

Reader SACK is going for the Belton-Honea Path Classic Cooter

DFIG reader John B. is going for a hybrid Pirate/Mexican Bouncer combo.

Look at Sambo, pretending to be literate. Hidden inside that dictionary is a copy of Swank.

Like a fine wine or cheese, Jason L's beard is aged, but sophisticated. By the way, I have a buddy who has a framed print of that shirt, awesome retro Clemson art in case you were wondering. My favorite part is the random celebrities thrown in the picture.

Eventually, I'd like to have this pan out into a ratty beard with some tendrils, then finish it off with a nice Cop Stash. Hey, I know it's not that pretty to look at, but at least I don't have mutton chops and feminine glasses like some Florida bloggers out there. Chili kindly opted out of this competition, muttering something about not getting laid with a mustache, but I submit that it's empowering and if a chick can't get with the stache, shes too uptight. Also, what the hell is up with my nostrils?

Keep sending in your pics!

01 July 2008

NEWS AND RECOMMENDATIONS

NEWS
- RAPE!... AND BUTT FUCKING!... IN GEORGIA OF ALL PLACES! Things have been desperate on their campus for so long that someone finally snapped over at Georgia Tech. Paul Johnson suspended Jerrard Tarrant from the team indefinitely. Kind of interesting that we're kind of going through the same situation, though, this one seems pretty legit. Tarrant was contending for a starting cornerback position as a redshirt freshman coming out of spring ball.

Remember to keep it suave, even in your sexual assault mugshot.

- Four players (Spiller, Davis, Harper, and Kelly) have been named to the Maxwell watch list. Clemson joins Southern Cal and Oklahoma as the top schools with candidates on the list, each having four. Ricky Sapp and Michael Hamlin have also been named to the Bednarik preseason list as well.

-All but two Clemson freshman signees have made it to campus and enrolled in second summer session. The two men down are Xavier Brewer still needs to take a summer class back home. Jared Crittenton didn't meet our standards and was released from his LOI. He has signed with Memphis.

-Kyle Parker was named to the Freshman All-American team for being a stud with a bat. Now if only he could figure out that whole defense thing, we'd be great. I'm still predicting he never plays a down of football for Clemson.

- The Deandre McDaniel's plot thickens as the women who filed the charges against him was identified as Ms. Abra Weeks. Good thing that we're not UGA or USC or the like because her getting killed by psychotic fans right now would not help Deandre at all. Bowden plays it smart and remains mum on the situation.

- Graduate Assistant Michael Morrell has been hired on as the new director of men's basketball, replacing Josh Posterino who replaced Shaka Smart who accepted a job at Florida. Here's a run down: Morrell -> Director of Men's Basketball; Posterino -> Assistant Coach; Shaka -> Gonzo to Florida; Clemson Women's Basketball -> Could still get beat by any girl's JV high school team in the upstate.

- The US Army Corps of Engineers tells their residents of Orlando "Just chill out man, it's not a big deal. Don't worry about it..." regarding bombs that they may miss during a cleanup of a one-time bombing range from WWII turned local neighborhood.

RECOMMENDATIONS

DFIG Recommends: Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka - we're not big fans of the Firefly Muscadine Vodka. Terrible. We wouldn't recommend that to anyone. We do, however, promote the sweet nectar that they bottle named Sweet Tea Vodka. We've never tasted a better liquor drink in our lives. Here's essentially all you need to do:

- Fill one glass with your preference of cubed ice.
- Fill glass 3/4 full of Fire Fly Sweet Vodka.
- Fill rest with Minute Made lemonade.

BEST. DRINK. EVER.