31 August 2006



- The Tigers are tired of close games against weaker opponents (Louisiana Tech & Utah State ring a bell?) and are looking for a blowout against FAU.
- Add some journalists to the scores of SUPERFANS hoping the Tigers are poised to win an ACC title.
- With CJ Gaddis suspended for skipping classes and Antonio Clay mourning his sister, who was killed in a car wreck this week, Clemson may be without 2 defensive starters this week. Willy Mac says that talk around the McFadden building says Clay will play on Saturday, however.
- The NCAA doesn't want you helping a brother out. The Ray Ray saga continues. The NCAA won't find shit out if you just stuff an envelope chock full of Jacksons under the McElrathbey's door. I would've said 'Benjamins' but that would've been too cliche.
- Vanilla Ice has answered the call of millions of fans to return to touring. At least in frat house dens. You know Ice, Ice Baby will be on there, but I just pray to God he drops Ninja Rap on us.
The Pickle Light!
- Here's an old lady with her lips on a cock.

30 August 2006


Dale Gilbert is going to be calling #5 a lot this year.


Each week we're going to predict ten games. At the end of the football season, the winner gets a bottle of The Macallan Fine Oak, 18 Year.

Chili's Picks:
FAU @ Clemson - Clemson
Notre Dame @ Georgia Tech - Notre Dame
South Carolina @ MSU - USC
California @ Tennessee - UT
North Texas @ Texas - Texas
Southern Cal @ Arkansas - USC
WVU @ Marshall - WVU
Southern Miss @ Florida - Florida
Washington State @ Auburn - Auburn
Richmond @ Duke - Duke

Willy Mac's Picks:
FAU @ Clemson - Clemson
Notre Dame @ Georgia Tech - GT
South Carolina @ MSU - SCU
California @ Tennessee - California
North Texas @ Texas - Texas
Southern Cal @ Arkansas - USC
WVU @ Marshall - WVU
Southern Miss @ Florida - Florida
Washington State @ Auburn - Auburn
Richmond @ Duke - Duke

Greg's Picks:
FAU @ Clemson - Clemson
Notre Dame @ Georgia Tech - ND
South Carolina @ MSU - MSU
California @ Tennessee - UT
North Texas @ Texas - Texas
Southern Cal @ Arkansas - USC
WVU @ Marshall - WVU
Southern Miss @ Florida - Florida
Washington State @ Auburn - Auburn
Richmond @ Duke - Da Spidas

28 August 2006


There is so much to cover in this, the third installment of Dumb Shit on Tigernet. This time of the year brings with it ludicrous predictions for our season and for our rival’s, hero worship, and the time honored practice of 40 year old men drooling over high school prospects.

This guy doesn’t know he’s talking about us, but he is. I like to imagine this post in a hammered drunk hillbilly voice.

(This was one of a series of drunken posts by this guy, one of the dumbest posters on Tnet, lashing out against ‘blogs taking money from Clemson fans’ not bothering to realize he was on a message board that charges up to 80 bucks a year to post shit like this.)

If overzealous hopes and unattainable dreams could take the form of an animal, they would become a majestic eagle with Down Syndrome. If they took the form of words on an internet message board, they'd look something like these two posts.

On Saturday, ESPN televised a game featuring James Byrnes High School, a team that includes 3 Clemson commits and several other players Clemson is going after. The minute this game came on TV, Tigernet became the home of more men drooling over teenagers than a seedy Thailand motel.

Tigernet has Byrnes FEVER!

I can answer this guys query fairly easily: BECAUSE IT’S THE FUCKING INTERNET, MR. GIANT SIG PIC GUY! See half of the film Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back if you don't believe me.


There is a disconnect between the students who attend Clemson and interact with athletes on a daily basis and the middle agers who either never attended Clemson or have forgotten realities of college life. If you go to Clemson, you know what player is banging what white girl, you know the girls on campus who hop from jock dick to jock dick, Cleat Chasers, every campus has them. You know what player is a pothead or crashes fraternity parties and expects to be showered with beer and admiration because of what he does on Saturdays. I’m not at all saying that isn’t deserved, but what I am saying is that the second you try and tell any of this to a SUPERFAN, they immediately shit themselves and call you a “Coot.” A lot of football players are cocky assholes, that’s part of the winning athlete mentality. This student just made the mistake of trying to inject a bit of truth into Tigernet. The kool-aid drinkers immediately swarmed on him and his “logic.”

Now, I don’t know whether Proctor is an asshole or not, and I don’t care all that much, as long as he wins games. In that respect I’m a little like some of the SUPERFANs, but I have heard from numerous people that he is a cocky guy.


I don’t know if this is considered a joke. Maybe this guy is earnestly reaching out to his Gamecock brethren and trying to save them. You never know. The sad thing is that these kind of posts get TONS of points, so people keep making them.


When in need of talking points against Carolina fans, SCOREBOARD. When unable to make an intellectual argument, SCOREBOARD. When in desperate need of points on Tigernet, SCOREBOARD.

The Holy Week of First Football is Upon Us...

From Virginia up, people are still mulling about their business, planning their "wicked awesome" weekend ahead of them that will more than likely involve a professional ballgame, a "hoagie", and some sort of mugging followed by a ride on a subcar that reeks of piss. Please, don't try to convince me otherwise with your overbearing Irish whiskey breath. For the sake of checks and balances, this is the north. The same north where in Connecticut they passed laws to stop keeping score in little league games. This is the same north that penalizes high school football programs for dropping major points on other teams. Look, I used to go to a school where we were the victim, but all I could think about is how I'd love to do the same exact thing to the other team. It's why man created sports... to drop 63 points on someone... mainly the Gamecocks. I suppose that next they're going to tell us it's not ok to finish something someone else started (Sorry but I had to work this in somehow... I love this picture).

In the Great Lake states, people are largely not even thinking about this weekend (Minus the big three: Michigan, Ohio State, and ND... And yes Tully, Michigan always comes before Ohio State. Go cry about it with the rest of the Ohio State gene pool.) That's what Friday afternoons are for in that region. They're still concerned about their crops not freezing and being as subtly Canadian as possible.

In the middle states (ie. The Dukes and Temples of the Big 12: Kansas, Iowa State, Colorado, minus Nebraska to some extent, and hell, even Kentucky, though they're still technically an SEC school), the stereotype is that people are up before the sun comes up and go to bed after the sun goes down, you know, those salt of the earth workdays. And all throughout the day, the only football they'll even come close to is the steroided, self-important version known as the NFL.

From Arizona up to Washington, well, football on any level isn't even a blip on the radar. Unless by football they mean tyke soccer... fucking sad. I'd like to throw a tantrum and explain how soccer is the scourge of the earth, but we can save that for a rainy day next March. Given, USC and Cal have great traditions and history, but the rest of that side of America is undeserving of college football. I doubt this blog will reach Washington, but I'll say it anyways. You've got some decent in state teams, so does Oregon, BUT YOU'VE GOT FUCKING AWFUL FANS. You're too concerned with the Seahawks.

There is a reason that Idaho to the Dakotas was left out. I don't think 8 track technology has even reached those people. It's fairly obvious that the love shared between two grown men has though... odd. Oh well, not much to do up there, but that's still no excuse. Chili once told me that Montana is God's country. He invited me to go fishing with him and a friend for a weekend a while back... I didn't go. They didn't bring back any fish either... hmm.

Now, from the Carolinas to Texas/Oklahoma, that's my bread and butter. This is the week in the South that millions of man hours are lost. If you wander over to any given teams message board, it's likely to be flooded with a hundred new posters who decided that it was pertinent to post content such as "I'm a lifelong fan. We're gonna go undefeated this year! GO [Insert team name]!!!!" Unfortunately, for those of us who actually post year round and don't let the start of football season TOTALLY jumblefuck our brains, this is the part of the year that is least fun for us. Just check out DSOT. Unfortunately, Clemson has redneck, illiterate yahoos just like every other real football school.

Sadly for the western states, mostly Texas with a little Oklahoma on the side, I've experienced first hand that they don't know how to tailgate. Don't get me wrong, extremely nice people who try really hard, but it's just not tailgating. They get an "A" for heart and effort, but the south still wins best in show. Now I'm sure you've heard in other blogs, message boards, or newspapers of southern tailgating. People tell of the real die hard fans rolling up in their RVs on Tuesday around noonish. Most of you think, "That's not true. They're just puffing out their chest and bullshitting me." No, as a whole, this is how southern schools do it. I've been offered a beer and a biscuit on may way to a Wednesday morning class. When experienced students rent off campus apartments, they don't look for quality, they look for how many people can fit on the floor on a Friday night before gameday.

There are sights, sounds, smells, tastes, feelings, and emotions that are strictly reserved for college football Saturdays in the south east. Sights such as Texas achieving their destiny against USC. Smells like bourbon and chicken in the noon sun. Tastes like a cold beer at 7 am. Feelings like the pulse of a stadium at the climax of a game. Emotions that are unacceptable and inappropriate in most public venues.

Because it's not soccer. Because we're born with it in our blood. Because the ties to the schools can go back several generations in some families. Because it's friends and family. Because it's what we believe in. Because it's fun. Because it's tradition. Because it lets you be young forever. Because no other sport on the face of this earth on any level can ever hold a flame to college football.

24 August 2006

9 More Days Until Sweet Release

Dear Temple Return Specialist,
Find a hole in the ground and put your head in it.
Thanks, Willy Mac

23 August 2006

Hold That Tiger!

I found this picture while searching for Mike Tyson autographed rape kits and was so inspired I just ran the fuck down the street punching old ladies and children in the face.

21 August 2006


It’s time for another look at the more idiotic things that have been posted on Tigernet over the past couple of weeks.


Again, these make up probably 10% of all posts on Tigernet and 25% of all down-time (i.e. Summer) posts on T-net.

1) I’m sure your work’s IT guy LOVES it when you download search bars on your work computer. YUDLOSE probably thinks Bonzi Buddy is the shit.

2) This could be answered on Google if the guy could get his internet working. My theory is that if you are asking for computer advice on a Clemson football message board, you’re probably going to get exactly the advice you deserve.


1) This next post is from one of the resident Carolina fans on the site. The only thing sadder than having over 1,500 posts and donating to your team’s message board is having 1,500 posts and donating to your team’s rival’s message board. There are a number of “house Coots” on Tigernet, all of them examples of the deep seeded obsession with all things Clemson that many USC fans harbor deep within, somewhere near the part of their subconscious that wants to fuck their sister. Garnet and Black has this deep thought about medical miracles being held back from us little folks:

Maybe super secret presidential doctors have cured cancer, but they haven’t done shit for Alzheimer’s, just ask Ol’ Puddin’ Head Ronald Reagan.

2) Tigernet is full of examples of why people over the age of 40 are more awkward and fumbling when using the internet than a 13 year old reaching 3rd base for the first time. You just can’t bring real world sensibilities to the internet and expect everyone to laugh at your lame fishing joke or give you points on Tigernet for detailing your daughter’s first day at Clemson when all we want to speculate about is how many hours she’s going to spend lying on her back with her legs up getting Busch Light flavored breath panted into her ear during her first semester. This post is clearly from some middle aged moron who probably responds to spam and invests in the China World Trading Co. because he got an email with a hot tip on it.

His next post details how he plans on recouping his lost money by helping a Nigerian prince allocate some of his father’s millions with the help of his bank account number.


Tigernet is all about points. Whereas most message boards reward you for numbers of posts made, Tigernet thinks it is rewarding you for the content of your posts rather than your level of obsession. What actually occurs is a stifling of provocative questions in favor of posts that simply say GO TIGERS OH MY GOD I LOVE CLEMSON AND HATE USUCK!!!!1!!1!one!!1!, or that list the number of days until kickoff, number of days since we lost to USC, and number of days until the next USC game. Basically it results in the type of jingoism only a Bush could love. All these types of posts are highly ‘pointed’ on a regular basis. Some people manage to post mildly interesting topics that garner a small amount of posts but most end up just being like this “joke” that's about as funny as tall glass full of AIDS.

That’s it for this week, or two weeks, or.. whatever.

15 August 2006

This is so bad it's known as "The Hit"

Rosegreen has since apologized, but that was just a brutal hit. I find it eerily frightening towards the end when Brown is laying on the ground as though he is dead. Scary hit. As they say in the movie The Program, "I wan't you to hit the other man so hard he gets snot bubbles." I'd say that young man just had a sinus cleaning.

14 August 2006

WEZ only to make things much louder in the Valley.

Last years Clemson/Miami game broke the American outdoor stadium noise record, setting the record at 126 decibels. That's louder than a Boeing 747 taking off. The previous record, 121 decibels, was held by LSU. The University of Washington claims that they've reached over 130 decibels but there is no hard evidence to support that claim.

Please, if you are an LSU fan that has stumbled on to this blog and feels the need to take up for LSU and want to "learn me sum uh dat louseeyannah nawuhledge"... don't make me embarass you, you illiterate and inbred idiot. I think that we all know how LSU fans get krunk for football. The below video is hard to ignore and watch because it is clear evidence that LSU fans can be pure heauxmeauxsexuals. Geez, get a life, a public education system (this coming from a South Carolinian), and a new mayor for New Orleans.

With the new addition of the West EndZone project to Memorial Stadium, things are only going to get louder. I was at the Clemson/Miami game last year and all I can say is that Larry Coker, Miami's head coach who called out Clemson fans and called it "Just another Doak Campbell", was counting his blessings for the good lord allowing him to leave Death Valley with the skin on the back of his neck. Lets just say, for good measure, I don't see Miami's Main Man calling out Clemson fans EVER again. Woof, what a game... gives me goosebumps just thinking about how the ground underneath my feet shook all because Charles Bennett sacked Kyle Wright.

Last Friday, I was fortunate enough to tour the facilities and I took some pictures while I was there.

Below are some pictures of the Club Level

Much of the seating arrangements inside are as nice and lavish as this.

This is a view of the dining area and food court.

This is a view of the family locker room where coolers can be kept

As you can see, just from the inside, our facilities are now some of the very best in the ACC. Originally, it was told that we would lose 2,000 seats putting our capacity around 79,000. In actuality, the tour guides told us that some seating was lost, but the club level covered it and actually INCREASED our capacity by 2,000 seats to 83,000. Now whether this is totally accurate or not I'm not sure. I'm not going to make a statement based on a tour guides comments. Just something to chew on.

Below are some of the views from and of the WEZ

The studs are for a video strip screen to be installed later.

A view from the Club Seats located right in the middle.

Another view of the seats. Hard to think the season is almost at hand.

Again, here is the video I promised from before. 18 more days!!! GO TIGERS!!!

I think it's safe to say that this is not an appropriate way to celebrate.

07 August 2006

26 more days till kickoff!!

This is like Mike Tyson beating up a fifth grader.

06 August 2006

Athletes dropping like flies as season approaches

"I'm sorry" doesn't cut it. This past month, college football has started to like it used to look back in the 80s. I don't mean that in a good way. There are way too many players getting involved in scandals. For instance, former Oklahoma quarterback Rhett Bomar and teammate J. D. Quinn are in some serious trouble as of late for accepting money from a car dealership they worked for as pay for hours they never even worked(see below post for more).

News out of Columbia is bad as well. Steve Spurrier has suspended Wide Receiver Noah Whiteside and Safety Ty Erving for violating team rules (Cough, cough, pass). Mark Richt added one more player to his bench team after suspending Defensive Back Thomas Flowers, bringing the grand total of sidelined Bulldogs for the season opener to five. Even more trouble in the SEC as ol Fat Phil Fulmer suspended Marsalous Johnson for waving a toy gun at an off duty cop in Knoxville traffic. He has also dismissed freshman Tight End Lee Smith for not only altering grades back at his high school, but for driving his car on the fucking sidewalk as well. The latter helped him receive a DUI. Speaking of drunk driving in the SEC, Tommy Tuberville suspended two of his players as well for alcohol related arrests earlier this year.

On the ACC side of the news, Larry Coker seems to still be high on his house cleaning crusade down in Miami because he has just suspended four of his players for the season opener against Florida State. This coming after Willie Cooper was shot in the ass, making him a bench warmer for the Canes as well.

I do commend the NCAA on starting to buckle down on schools that let their athletes act the damn fool. It really makes me upset to see kids with bright futures and a FREE education that they would otherwise not be able to pay for waste their lives and make poor decisions time and time again. It's a good thing that the NCAA is getting stricter, but it shouldn't have taken so long for them to do so.

Can Idle Gossip on Message Boards Actually Be True????

I read on Fark today that a Texas A&M fan had broken the Rhett Bomar scandal about 7 months ago on their message board. The other fans on the board reacted exactly as you'd expect: they bashed the shit out of the guy and called him a bullshitter. Here's a link to the message in question. This just goes to show you that sometimes, just maybe, that wild and unsubstantiated rumor you see on your favorite board just might be true. But it's probably not.

03 August 2006

29 more days... This is taking forever

I'd say that hit was hard enough to loosen some stool.

USA Basketball

Tonight at 11 PM on ESPN2 USA Basketball's exhibition game vs. Puerto Rico will take place. Earlier during training, Coach K had one of his former players at West Point come and speak to the players and introduce a hero. Watch the video, and pass it on.


Not directly football related but could be of use for Seminoles, Hurricanes, Gators, and of course Volunteers: The Art of the Shiv.

02 August 2006

You Just Got Knocked The FUCK OUT

Dumb Shit on Tigernet: Volume 1


If you are a Clemson fan, no doubt you have spent some time on the Tigernet. This is a site that provides tons of Clemson sports information, helpful news links, and inciteful articles. It also, saints be praised, has a message board. Regular "riff-raff" have access to the Forum for sports discussion and the Lounge for endless discussions of how badass freedom is. If you post on either of these boards you will no doubt be pestered to pay up to 79.99 a year to discuss Tiger sports on the "Donor's Den" board. You'll also get a fancy
® beside your name to signify that your shit don't stink and that you can feel free to make fun of people who aren't as dedicated to an internet message board as you are.
So IF you are a Clemson fan, (or a USC fan with an inferiority complex who obsesses over their rival), and IF you've been to the Tigernet, you have noticed how fucking dumb many of the posts are. The site's populous is composed of a mixture of dumb hicks who haven't passed the 5th grade but are diehard Clemson fans, Clemson students eager to post 10 times a day about how Will Proctor let them smell his finger at their 8 AM class, old Clemson alumni who nearly soil themselves trying to prove with each post they love Amurica and Clempson more than you do, Baptists, and all the other manner of hoi polloi you see on your average board.


I, myself, am a member of Tigernet and can hardly help to restrain myself when seeing some of the drivel people post. I am making my case to start a new Clemson message board, follow the Kevin Smith model and charge 2 bucks to join to keep out trolls, and hold the board to a higher standard of excellence and not "zap" every post I don't agree with or block out awful curse words like "hell" and "damn." To make the case I am posting several categories of idiocy on a weekly basis. 1) Questions Easily Answered with Google: this is roughly 50% of all questions posed on T-net. 2) Awful Jokes and 3) Dumbass Grab Bag. Here we go.


1) If you print your own NCAA 2007 covers, shoot yourself.

2) So two Carolina fans walk into a bar... they own it. Wait, that's a Jew joke.

3) Because
this hasn't been covered at all.


Perhaps the most promising of the DSOT column. Competition is fierce for these mental giants.

1) It's bad enough for Florida Atlantic that they have to come to the Valley and get their assess handed to them, do you have to go to their board and talk shit too? I heard Temple is getting cocky, let's visit their board and tell them Bill Cosby can go fuck himself.

2) That was, I believe, on Pink Floyd's "Fear of a Black Planet." (If you don't get the joke, Crimson and Clover was from a 1969 album by Tommy James and the Shondells.)


What the fuck is the Clemson fan doing silently stroking his hog and jabbing the steamy, warm coals with it while a USC and Georgia fan share tales of virility?

30 More days...

Brings a tear to my eye that Justin Miller left early

Southern Football Fan Art: The First Wave

Folks, this has got to stop. What in the world possesses fans (mostly comprised of fans for SEC schools) to make a "Beautifully rendered collectors edition print" including Steve Spurrier, Danny Weurfel, and a gaggle of other things making light of how good the Florida Gators USED to be. More so, why does it seem like everything in the painting has that whole Sunday afternoon barbeque feeling to it? Furthermore, why on earth have they included a commemorative coin? What did they auction this off at a Gators Unlimited gun raffle/oyster roast/redneck suare raffle type event?

Why on earth does everything in this painting have a halo around it? Is this painting just chillin up on the fake wooden walls or your trailer with JC or what? This painting is likened to a typical SEC fan: Always try to be classy but they always turn out to be trashy, loud mouthed, and delusional. Well hey, at least the painting doesn't resemble the second two things that much. At least Florida can actually claim some pull of the SEC. At least they have something they can brag about. And now Florida fans have something else they can hang up beside the family photos. Good for you. You didn't try to paint a nice vase or something that actually shows off your two year technical art college degree. No, no, no, friend, you made the right decision by making commemorative paintings for SEC schools. This painting puts the artist in the same category as "Crazy Cat Lady."

01 August 2006

31 more days... somethin to chew on till then...

I loved this hit so much because Dexter Reid was a cheapshot artist and a dirty player. Greg Jones gave him what he deserved. WHAMMY!


Welcome to Danny Ford is God, the best Clemson Blog on the internets. Your hosts are myself; Chili, a recent Clemson graduate now working in Atlanta; and Willy Mac, a current Clemson student and lifelong fan. This blog was created out of the need to fill our free time, to be our mouthpiece on the internet, and to provide an alternate forum for Clemson information than Tigernet or Rivals or any of the other boards and blogs out there.

We criticize a lot, so if you want the family friendly Clemson coverage that always tows the company line, go to Tigernet. If you want senseless, poorly constructed rants and incessant hating, you’ve come to the right place.