02 August 2006

Dumb Shit on Tigernet: Volume 1


If you are a Clemson fan, no doubt you have spent some time on the Tigernet. This is a site that provides tons of Clemson sports information, helpful news links, and inciteful articles. It also, saints be praised, has a message board. Regular "riff-raff" have access to the Forum for sports discussion and the Lounge for endless discussions of how badass freedom is. If you post on either of these boards you will no doubt be pestered to pay up to 79.99 a year to discuss Tiger sports on the "Donor's Den" board. You'll also get a fancy
® beside your name to signify that your shit don't stink and that you can feel free to make fun of people who aren't as dedicated to an internet message board as you are.
So IF you are a Clemson fan, (or a USC fan with an inferiority complex who obsesses over their rival), and IF you've been to the Tigernet, you have noticed how fucking dumb many of the posts are. The site's populous is composed of a mixture of dumb hicks who haven't passed the 5th grade but are diehard Clemson fans, Clemson students eager to post 10 times a day about how Will Proctor let them smell his finger at their 8 AM class, old Clemson alumni who nearly soil themselves trying to prove with each post they love Amurica and Clempson more than you do, Baptists, and all the other manner of hoi polloi you see on your average board.


I, myself, am a member of Tigernet and can hardly help to restrain myself when seeing some of the drivel people post. I am making my case to start a new Clemson message board, follow the Kevin Smith model and charge 2 bucks to join to keep out trolls, and hold the board to a higher standard of excellence and not "zap" every post I don't agree with or block out awful curse words like "hell" and "damn." To make the case I am posting several categories of idiocy on a weekly basis. 1) Questions Easily Answered with Google: this is roughly 50% of all questions posed on T-net. 2) Awful Jokes and 3) Dumbass Grab Bag. Here we go.


1) If you print your own NCAA 2007 covers, shoot yourself.

2) So two Carolina fans walk into a bar... they own it. Wait, that's a Jew joke.

3) Because
this hasn't been covered at all.


Perhaps the most promising of the DSOT column. Competition is fierce for these mental giants.

1) It's bad enough for Florida Atlantic that they have to come to the Valley and get their assess handed to them, do you have to go to their board and talk shit too? I heard Temple is getting cocky, let's visit their board and tell them Bill Cosby can go fuck himself.

2) That was, I believe, on Pink Floyd's "Fear of a Black Planet." (If you don't get the joke, Crimson and Clover was from a 1969 album by Tommy James and the Shondells.)


What the fuck is the Clemson fan doing silently stroking his hog and jabbing the steamy, warm coals with it while a USC and Georgia fan share tales of virility?