21 August 2006

DUMB SHIT ON TIGERNET: VOL. 2

It’s time for another look at the more idiotic things that have been posted on Tigernet over the past couple of weeks.

QUESTIONS EASILY ANSWERED WITH GOOGLE

Again, these make up probably 10% of all posts on Tigernet and 25% of all down-time (i.e. Summer) posts on T-net.

1) I’m sure your work’s IT guy LOVES it when you download search bars on your work computer. YUDLOSE probably thinks Bonzi Buddy is the shit.

2) This could be answered on Google if the guy could get his internet working. My theory is that if you are asking for computer advice on a Clemson football message board, you’re probably going to get exactly the advice you deserve.


DUMBASS GRAB BAG

1) This next post is from one of the resident Carolina fans on the site. The only thing sadder than having over 1,500 posts and donating to your team’s message board is having 1,500 posts and donating to your team’s rival’s message board. There are a number of “house Coots” on Tigernet, all of them examples of the deep seeded obsession with all things Clemson that many USC fans harbor deep within, somewhere near the part of their subconscious that wants to fuck their sister. Garnet and Black has this deep thought about medical miracles being held back from us little folks:

Maybe super secret presidential doctors have cured cancer, but they haven’t done shit for Alzheimer’s, just ask Ol’ Puddin’ Head Ronald Reagan.

2) Tigernet is full of examples of why people over the age of 40 are more awkward and fumbling when using the internet than a 13 year old reaching 3rd base for the first time. You just can’t bring real world sensibilities to the internet and expect everyone to laugh at your lame fishing joke or give you points on Tigernet for detailing your daughter’s first day at Clemson when all we want to speculate about is how many hours she’s going to spend lying on her back with her legs up getting Busch Light flavored breath panted into her ear during her first semester. This post is clearly from some middle aged moron who probably responds to spam and invests in the China World Trading Co. because he got an email with a hot tip on it.

His next post details how he plans on recouping his lost money by helping a Nigerian prince allocate some of his father’s millions with the help of his bank account number.


AWFUL JOKE OF THE WEEK

Tigernet is all about points. Whereas most message boards reward you for numbers of posts made, Tigernet thinks it is rewarding you for the content of your posts rather than your level of obsession. What actually occurs is a stifling of provocative questions in favor of posts that simply say GO TIGERS OH MY GOD I LOVE CLEMSON AND HATE USUCK!!!!1!!1!one!!1!, or that list the number of days until kickoff, number of days since we lost to USC, and number of days until the next USC game. Basically it results in the type of jingoism only a Bush could love. All these types of posts are highly ‘pointed’ on a regular basis. Some people manage to post mildly interesting topics that garner a small amount of posts but most end up just being like this “joke” that's about as funny as tall glass full of AIDS.

That’s it for this week, or two weeks, or.. whatever.