30 September 2007


Clemson's decision to wear the new Nike Teflon Receiver Gloves will be second guessed for a long time.

GT 13, Clemson 3

I'm not going to do the normal postgame summary, as there's little to say. Tommy's Law holds true. No realistic Clemson fan was surprised by the loss or the ineptitude displayed therein by an unprepared team and poor gameplan. The Greenville News has a good recap, The State has a blurb about Mark Buchholz's Duke-like kicking day. The Tigers looked like a carbon copy of the team that got blasted by Virginia Tech last year, only with more penalties. The one constant of Tommy Bowden's tenure is that every year we have a game where the team comes out and absolutely embarrasses itself. Duke a couple years ago, Wake a couple years ago, VT last year, GT this year are all examples of this sleepy Tiger team showing up. I had really hoped that the coaching staff had learned from past blunders; there was big talk of 4-0 meaning nothing, we went up to NCSU and won a game we might've lost in past years, then we go down to play an ailing Tech team that just got jacked by Virginia and has a quarterback who might as well have limp Bob Dole dicks for arms and we make them look like worldbeaters. Our offensive line was about as effective as the US Border Patrol in keeping out the opposition and our one Minuteman, Barry Richardson, became a nonperson in a way that would warm the cockles of Stalin's heart. We went to a stadium (partially) full of Techies who have the smugness of Virginia fans and the loyalty of Miami fans and the stadium atmosphere of a 1-AA team and got our asses handed to us. Vitriol out of the way, congrats to Tech.

I am holding out one tiny ounce of hope that the team can rebound from this, I did state that out of GT, VT, BC, and Md I thought 3-1 would be the best finish we could hope for, but there's no reason to get too optimistic when Tommy's Law is still alive and well.

28 September 2007


#13 Clemson (4-0, 2-0 ACC) @ Georgia Tech (2-2, 0-2 ACC) Saturday, September 29th, 3:30 PM EST, ABC HD, XM 191.

The Line: Clemson -3

Edge goes to:

Offense: Clemson

Defense: Push

Special Teams: Clemson

Intangibles: Georgia Tech, Georgia Tech, Georgia Tech

Our Panel of Sandwich Artists & Occasional Pigskin Prognosticators Say:

Seigler: I've been confident every game so far this season, that Clemson would find a way to win. Tommy Bowden's new philosophy of "finish the job" seems to be working, and I think we've finally shown a little, by the game last week, that we're not just getting lucky. I hate to say it, but I think the fun might end this weekend.I thought that when we got to this point in the season we'd find ourselves playing a top 10 ranked Tech team, and not one which finds themselves 0-2 in the ACC. I think them losing to Virginia will have a profound effect on this game. Tech's players probably know that they shouldn't be at .500 right now and need a big win this week to sort of save their season. While this game won't be hyped up the way it was last year, I still think this is perhaps the most important game of the season. We should win this game, we should win it easily, but I have a feeling we might find a way to lose this. I'm equating this game to the one we lost to BC last year. We went up to Boston and lost to a team we shouldn't have, ruining what could have been a perfect start. Here we outclass this team, but for some reason I can't wrap my mind around this being an easy victory. I think our ability to win this game will depend on our defense, which has been mediocre at best this year. We need to stop the run, I'm hoping that we can do to Choice what we did to Calvin Johnson last year, and hold him to some goose eggs. If not this will be a hard fought win, if a win at all. Clemson will need to really step it up this week, this to me is our final test, if we win this game, I'll say we deserve to be a top 10 team. Right now, I don't think we do. Still I think Davis and Spiller will carry us to victory this week. Don't expect this one to be a blowout

Clemson 31 GA Tech 28


Chili: If this Clemson team was like the ones of the past four or so years, they would've gone up to Raleigh and dropped one to the Pack. While they met that challenge, I'm still not convinced this team is different than the good old Tigers who lose one they shouldn't and win one they shouldn't. Bowden's Law, let's call this. If this still holds true, the Tigers will lose to GT this weekend, and maybe by more than a touchdown. Tashard Choice will be back from an injury and Tech is still seething from the way we cold-cocked them last year in Death Valley. I can see a loss here; it's a very real possibility. Out of this game, Virginia Tech, Maryland, and Boston College, I think we go 3-1 at absolute best. 1-3 would just about hold true to Bowden's Law. I think, however, our talent level is high enough to eclipse the normal pitfalls, and I think we manage to pull a victory from the jaws of defeat against Tech, to use a hacky sports cliche.

I normally hate it when prognosticators make up big scenarios for games instead of just predicting a score, but I'm going to go against my better judgment and do just that. The 2001 Clemson-GT game was on ESPN Classic this week, and I'm throwing back to it for my prediction. Much like that game, it goes to overtime. GT kicks a field goal, but when the Tigers get the ball, James Davis takes it to the house in front of friends and family and wins the game. Vegas set the over/under on this game at 50, and with both teams able to control the clock there's no way the 2001 score of 47-44 is duplicated, so...

Clemson 27, GT 24


Willy Mac: This game, like Chili said, is very, very, very losable. Everyone was so worried about our performance against La Mo and Furman but you've got to remember a few things here:

1) It's very hard to get yourselves psyched up for those games. Normally, we play down and they play up, which still isn't nearly good enough.

2) We had most of our backups in all game long.

3) We were tinkering and working on different things. Those games were just tune up games.

4) We proved that we can hang in competition up at NC State.

Given those reasons, our wins are still suspect as they came over an ever shaky FSU team and an under .500 Wolfpack team. This game will be one more rung on the ladder but I think we're more talented and certainly faster than the Jackets. Also, our first team ability to crush running backs so far this season is a huge factor. If we can force them to play a defensive game like we did last year and keep our offense on the field, we've got this thing won.

Clemson 27, Georgia Tech 17

When Chili and I went to the GT/UVA game last year, I was well into a coma by the fourth quarter.

27 September 2007


Sorry so late, but no news really. Sam still at top. Chili still in the middle. Me still at the bottom.

1) Sam +54
2) Tully +48
3) Lyrtch +47
T4) Chili +46
T4) Brad +46
6) NoleCC +45
7) Seigler +42
8) Willy Mac +40
9) Captain DNF

Just for you, Sam. You're the best around, nothings ever gonna keep ya down.



Continuing on our segment, we bring you the Budwieser song singin', currie eatin', bumble bee havin' engineers from Ramblin' Racket. Check out our answers here.

1) After trolling message boards last year, GT fans seemed to be largely convinced they'd beat us easily. Acknowledging that the teams are in different situations this year, how does the average Tech fan feel about the matchup on the 29th?

I've heard from two camps: One is despondent following the loss at UVa and is like "Dude we're f'ed. We're not beating another decent team." The other thinks the Jackets will come out really fired up following the Virginia game, pissed off that they lost a totally winnable game, and stick it to the Tigers like whoa. Personally, I kind of expect this game to be a lot like the GT/Clemson games of the late 90's; a relative shootout that ends wicked (Did he just go South Boston on us?) close. Probably by won/lost three points.

2) The loss of Reggie Ball? Addition by subtraction? How is the team affected by having a more stable QB running the show?

A friend of mine said something I never expected to hear: he missed Reggie. I was like WTF, but he made a valid point. Taylor doesn't tend to make a play when things break down. For all his volatility, Reggie Ball had a talent for making plays when things didn't go as planned. Another positive of Reggie was his vocal leadership. Taylor doesn't seem to be that to the same level, but Tashard Choice has picked up that role very well.

Taylor Bennett has not dazzled this year after the Gator Bowl, but has played solid, mistake-free ball. He's throwing over .500 (barely; .504), but very importantly he hasn't thrown any "real" INTs. (There was one against Virginia, in which Taylor slapped down a tipped ball, which is what he was supposed to do, but it ricocheted off of a lineman's helmet and was grabbed by a Cavalier player and run in for a score.) So overall, I don't know if Taylor Bennet puts Tech in a better position to win ballgames than Reggie Ball did, but he's predictable and doesn't make bonehead plays. He's kind of our Will Proctor.

3) We know the starting oline and dline are very good, but how deep is each unit? And yeah, we just asked "How deep is each unit"

Oh so deep, as all the ladies will tell you. (All twelve ladies, knowing GT. ZING on us!) On offensive line, eight of our top ten players from 2006 return. On defensive line, seven of the top eight come back. Michael Johnson is a defensive end who didn't start last year, yet nearly all the students know his name because he's such a badass. (He also has like the longest neck I've ever seen on a football player. Seriously, if you're watching GT and like "who's that dude with the huge neck?" I've got five bucks that says it's #93.)

4) You had a good linebacking corps last year, how are they doing this year?

The only linebacker not returning is KaMichael Hall, who led the team in tackles last year. Philip Wheeler still looks like the Predator, with his dreads and visor, and still likes to break Notre Dame quarterbacks. Overall, I don't particularly like the performance of the linebackers so far. There's been a lot of weak arm-tackling from both LBs and DBs the past couple weeks, and our zone blitzes have a lot of holes that a talented QB ( i.e. Matt Ryan) can use to make GT look silly. I know that the linebacking corps is talented, and I believe they've just been underperforming. It will be bad news for Cullen Harper if their blitz starts clicking effectively this weekend.

5) What seems to be Tarshard's weakness? Stengths? What does he bring to the table? Can he change a game?

Based on the BC and Virginia games, it seems Tashard may be injury-prone. (He injured a hammie against BC and saw limited play up in Charlottesville.) Other than that, weaknesses may include a tendency not to make the moves necessary to break past those last one or two guys to get to the open field. This is something Choice worked on a lot during the offseason, though, and he's already broken several long runs this season, which was not his specialty in 2006.

As mentioned earlier, Deuce (as they call him) has taken on a very vocal leadership role, which the offense needed. His main strength, though, comes in his ability and willingness to run the ball all... day... long. Tashard will take as many snaps as the coaches allow, trying to wear down the D-line and set up the pass. Choice doesn't come in and change a game the way big-time "playmaking" backs might, but by letting defenses know we're never afraid to run Choice opens up the whole offensive gameplan.

6) You guys need more hot women at GT. We need more Varsity grub. What is the exchange rate in fried peach pies for one hot co-ed? Onion rings? What other abundant GT commodity would you trade for our women.

As all of you taters know, the exchange rate from hotties to head of cattle in South Carolina is three hotties to one heifer or two hotties to one steer. In Atlanta, though, we value chicks more than bovines, so taking interstate exchange rates into account, two full Varsity catering vans (including chili dogs, onion rings, peach pies, and Coke) are equivalent to one hot college co-ed.

Other abundant GT resources include "dot com machines" (computers) on which Clemson kids can play the Internet and lose at Number Munchers again. Also we've got pollution from off of the interstate and hobos on North Ave. Those last two come totally free!

26 September 2007


Half furries. Half Klingons. All virgins. Seriously this place should be firebombed for the good of humanity.

This is real, by the way. Linky. I wonder if the Tech student section will get dressed up before or after the game? NERD JOKE! AHA!

25 September 2007







We've started submitting a weekly poll to the MGoBlog. Feel free to comment on the ranking and we'll make adjustments if you're persuasive enough.

1 Southern Cal
3 Oklahoma
4 West Virginia
5 Florida
6 Ohio State
7 California
8 Texas
9 Boston College
10 Oregon
11 Wisconsin
12 Rutgers
13 Missouri
14 Clemson
15 Kentucky
16 South Florida
17 South Carolina
18 Georgia
19 Hawaii
20 Virginia Tech
21 Penn State
22 Alabama
23 Michigan State
24 Arizona State
25 Nebraska

23 September 2007


Seigler's take:

On Saturday Clemson demolished the Wolfpack by a score of 42 to 20. If it weren't for a few questionable calls by the referees and some terrible reviews from that goon in the review booth, it would have been a larger separation in points.

Hello dual rushing attack, nice to see you again, I thought you might have left us this season, but I'm overjoyed to see that you're just as effective as ever.

Too many penalties. How many TD's were lost and turned into field goals because someone got called for holding during a break away play? Too many.

Luxurious, beaded hair and blazing fast return skills? What doesn't Blackman have?

Defense looked better, still not great, but five interceptions is always nice. The sacks were nice too. Kick coverage got punched in the mouth early, and it was depressing. Things looked to have improved later in the game, but for the most part I'm still skeptical. There is no excuse for letting a mediocre kick returner run one back 99 yards on you. How many missed tackles were there? Jacoby Ford, you were faster than that kid, why didn't you push him out of bounds instead of trying to just drag him down?

Schedule gets tougher next week, though GA Tech looked not so hot against Virginia last week. Our rush defense better be focusing on better tackling.

Other than a few things I noticed, overall this was a good game. Two backs with more than 100 yards, more than 600 yards of total offense, and Harper STILL hasn't thrown an interception. This was a win we needed to sort of prove to ourselves, and the skeptics that we just might be the real deal.This was our last gimme game for a while, but if we continue our somewhat balances attack, and our defense really steps up, then we should have nothing to worry about.

21 September 2007


THE TEXTILE BOWL: The winning team gets a tractor trailer full of afghans.

#15 Clemson (3-0, 1-0 ACC) @ NC State (1-2, 0-1 ACC) Saturday, September 22nd, 12 Noon EST, Raycom/Jefferson-Pilot, whatever the hell it is now, XM 191.

The Line: Clemson -7

Edge goes to:

Offense: Clemson

Defense: NC State

Special Teams: Clemson (Spiller, Ford, Bucholz, Maners)

Intangibles: NC State started off 1-2 and O'Brien will have his team pissed off and ready to bash in a face or two. Home field advantage is a plus for them right now as well.

Our panel of DFIG "experts" say:

Willy Mac:
I think this will be a poorly played offensive shootout (something that doesn't happened in this matchup as of late, minus 2005). Usually the defenses are suffocating on both sides, but I just don't see it happening. I think this game will rely heavily on stupid turnovers and huge special teams plays. I also expect it to be a see saw shootout right from the beginning. I'm kinda excited and tingly all over. No, not in that way silly. I assume that many Tiger fans not traveling to the game will actually want to pay close attention to this one. Loud and busy bars are not recommended.

Clemson 48, NC State 41

Well, the defense has just defied every expectation I've had of it so far. I guess I should have known better than to assume we'd set the tone early in the season. When we limited FSU to 3 points in the first half of the first game, I wanted to start making predictions. Had Chili not stopped me mid-sentence I might have jinxed the whole season by prognosticating great things. Saying all that brings me to say this: we must win this game at all costs, and we must beat the spread in doing so. NC State is not off to a great start, I saw the pounding they took at the hands of BC, but still, we must look deeper. Look who's standing on the sideline, a man who hasn't lost to Clemson, ever. While we must realize that NC State is no BC, and that BC barely escaped with victories the past two seasons, O'Brien is still a good coach (and a former U.S. Marine, point being, he was a hardass), and there's no telling how their new young QB will fare against our less than stellar defense. I'm looking for the offense to really step it up again and come up with some big points, all I'm asking from our defense is for them to at least show up this time and act like they want a championship ( be it ACC or otherwise). The Furman game disappointed me, and I'm hoping that this one will be played with a little more intensity. The only thing NC State really has over Clemson in this matchup is coaching, but things could still get ugly and I hope the team is realizing that. Even though it's NC State, it's still a conference game, and it's still very important. When we talk about final improvements, well this should be our last real chance without facing significant opposition. I don't care what the polls say, even after getting spanked last week, GA Tech is still very formidable. Here's to another ACC victory for the Tigers.

Clemson 35 NC State 24

We'll find out for sure against the Wolfpack whether our offensive and defensive schemes were being intentionally held back against La-Mo and Furman. Certainly the Tigers' intensity level was sub-par against those opponents, but it's hard to get up for the shitty teams. Think about it. You've been out chasing tail and all you can end up with is the girl whose friends tell you is 'sweet' which isn't as good as the girl whose friends tell you is 'double-jointed' or 'lacks a gag reflex' or 'a slut.' So you make ejaculate out of lemons and take her home, try out some new material on her, some moves you've worked up but aren't sure are ready for prime time. If they fail, so what, you're not going to see her again as long as you stop going to Wild Wings in Mount Pleasant. Theoretically. So you get what we call a "practice girl" -- Furman -- and you hone your skills for a more formidable hunt -- NC State. So basically what I'm trying to say is that on Saturday, Wolfpack, Clemson is going to sex you up and down. We gon make yo' toes curl.

Clemson 30, NC State 22

"Why dontchoo hop out dat dress and let me see that fat ass." Astronaut Jones is taking a rocket. You know where it's gonna land, State.

20 September 2007


I figured I'd stretch out my success from my "Know Your Noles" bit to some other popular match ups this season... if you can call that a success (Hey, we won didn't we?). This week: the Textile Bowl. We hooked up with NC State's very own Section Six to give you regular Joes some insight on the Wolfpack. I won't lie to you, I didn't know that much about NC State this year. Check out our article on their site. That can be found here.

1) Whats more potent, your run game or your passing game... What makes it dangerous?

I wish I knew how to properly answer this question.

Statistically speaking, it's the passing game, but "potent" and "dangerous" are so not the right words to use here. The ground game has been completely useless against I-A opponents this season, though I feel a little better about what BC did to us after watching them shut down Tashard Choice. It's becoming more evident that they're very good up front. But we also couldn't get anything going against UCF, a team that had one of the worst defenses in the nation last year.

Without question, the offensive line is the weakest part of the entire team, and that's a big limiter despite the talent in the backfield.

Harrison Beck has been incredibly error-prone throwing the ball, but at least when he's under center I feel like the offense actually has a pulse, which is a refreshing departure from years past. When he plays patiently, he's very good, as he showed in the second half against UCF. Problem is, patience goes against his nature; he has a Rex Grossman-like "fuck it, I'm going deep" attitude and he'll force it at times (like, say, five times).

2)Year in and year out, your defense is stacked with future NFL bound players. Are you guys maintaining the status quo of producing Latimer-esque meatballs (think of the movie The Program)?

Beyond DeMario Pressley, who clearly has a future in the NFL (and is, naturally, injured at the moment), it's difficult to say. Most of the rest of the defensive regulars haven't got the established track record necessary to make an assessment.

3) Tom O'Brien is the new head coach of your team. What has he changed offensively that you like? Defensively?

The biggest thing he's done offensively is simplify. Marc Trestman's West Coast-y offense got off to a nice start in 2005, but we never seemed to run it smoothly, and we certainly didn't run it effectively. Dana Bible's offense, just as it was at Boston College, is far more traditional, and it isn't nearly as nuanced as the previous scheme--which is a good thing. The talk during the preseason was that we were going to lean more heavily on the running game than we had in 2006; circumstances, alas, haven't made that feasible. In addition to the ineffective run blocking we've gotten, we've fallen behind big in a couple of games and haven't had the opportunity to run as much as we'd like.

An offensive change that hasn't gone so well: shifting from a zone to man blocking scheme.

On the defensive side, the big change is a shift from Amato's attacking, whirling dervish press-man coverage defense to a more bend-don't-break zone coverage style. This is a welcome change, because while I'm all for an aggressive defense, I felt we played way too much man coverage under Amato. And so far, the returns are pretty good--Matt Ryan had his worst performance of the season against us, and the secondary is in general getting more hands on the ball. That hasn't translated into interceptions just yet, but in terms of limiting the opponent's passing game, the transition is going well.

Eventually, I think defensive coordinator Mike Archer would like to switch to the 3-4; we are not in a position to do that yet.

4) What's your biggest strengths offensively? Defensively?

The offensive strengths lie at the skill positions; even without Toney Baker, the backfield is excellent. You'll see Andre Brown, mostly, but there's also the speedy Jamelle Eugene. Receivers Darrell Blackman and John Dunlap, if not the stars we hoped they'd become, are reliable targets.

The defensive strength, maybe by default, would be the secondary. We're allowing more than 200 rushing yards a game, and the front seven has been banged up, so it's hard to point to anything there. The pass defense, meanwhile, has been stout (if not, BC game excepted, tested much to date).

5) Who stinks it up in the offensive huddle? Defensive huddle? (Really cutting edge questions, I know.)

There are five large fellows in the offensive huddle who aren't carrying their weight. Falling down on the job, you might say. Grounding the offense to a halt. Leaving us at a loss. Okay, I'll stop.

I'm not going to single anyone out defensively, because the only thing that's stunk has been our effort (which was corrected after week one). We haven't effectively pressured opposing quarterbacks, nor have we stopped the run, but that's on the unit as a whole.

6) Pissing in the stands? Throwing away liquor bottles in the toilets? Where do you guys drop rope?

Have you seen us play the last few years? We crap on the field.

Actual photograph inside the restroom at an NC State game... I shit you not. (I had to, sorry.)

17 September 2007


Sam is still riding the coattails of his 14 correct picks from week one but people are catching up. He's only out in front by two picks. Astonishingly, Chili is in the middle of the pack. Not so astonishingly, I'm feeding the bottom yet again. Time for me to start taking my vitamins, doing my homework, and getting to bed at night. Hulkamania mode, brother.

1) Sambo
2) Tully's angels
3) Lyrtch
T4) Chili
T4) NoleCC
6) Brad
T7) Willy Mac
T7) Seigler
9) Captain


16 September 2007


Every once in a while our friend Sam checks in with random musings. Here goes.

  • Did Willy Mac just get runner up on Last Comic Standing? And I know the show is not over, but no one is going to beat that fat funny black guy, it’s against the laws of physics.

Willy Mac bears an uncanny resemblance to the Hemi guy, John Reep.

  • I heard that in NASCAR, sometimes a crew chief will put an easily found infraction in their car to hide a much larger one. So, that makes me wonder what the New England Patriots are up to. They got caught with this defensive sign stealing scandal, so what are they really hiding? And I think I figured it out. Has anyone noticed how perfect Tom Brady is? He has three Super bowl rings, bangs hot ass models, impregnates hot ass actresses, and is a really damn good quarterback. Which all leads to direct evidence that he is……..a robot!!!!!

........from the future!!!!!!!.........and from another planet!!!!!!!.........but still from the future!!!!!!!

  • Guess what, Vick did it, he pled guilty and if you still think he didn’t, then you are ignorant. I’m looking at you, Mexicans.

  • How is watching a bunch of rednecks and a fairy turn left for 3 to 4 hours exciting? Frankly, it’s sad.

  • I’ve come to realize that I probably will not make it to an old age and will kick the bucket at a young age, roughly 34.7 years of age. And I have figured out the possible ways I’m going to die and the chance I do die in that manner:

    • 4% - Stabbed by a hobo
    • 3% - Too much sex (and yes, that is an oxymoron)
    • 2% - Stabbed by Chili
    • 1% - Clemson v. Cocks bar fight in which I get stabbed
    • 90% - Die in a horrible car crash that involves my car flipping seven times, exploding four times, there will be a Battle Royale between a T-Rex, a helicopter, and a tornado on that road, somewhere a lobster with only one claw rubber banded will be let loose in a kiddy pool, and two Cocks’ fans will receive a good ol’ fashioned alien anal probe in Columbia.

  • If you ever want to waste large amounts of time reading articles about such things as the “12 Video Games with Ridiculous Premises” or “8 Important Lessons Learned from 80’s Cartoons”, then you must go to Cracked.com right now!!!!! (well, after you finish reading everything on this site)

15 September 2007


Clemson 38, Furman 10. Anonymous called 33-7 and is the big winner today.

Clemson's official season motto is "Finish the Job," but a more appropriate motto after the past two games may be "We're passing now, deal with it." Clemson rushed for only 49 yards, but passed for 325 in a mediocre effort against the Furman Paladins.

Thank God we only played Furman today. Had any other team laced up their cleats and set foot in Memorial Stadium, they'd have kicked Clemson's teeth in. Our team lacked tenacity in all aspects of the game. The offensive line was porous on what should be our strong point, the running game. Our defense was like a swinging door, offering no resistance to a Division 1-AA offense. Admittedly Furman ran an offense like a cheap-ass NCAA 08 player - crazy options and going for it almost every 4th down - but for them to outgain us is absurd.

While Cullen Harper (16/19 266, 3 TDs, 0 INTs) and Jimmy Maners (Kicking puts into outer orbit) continued to shine, most every other aspect of the Tigers' game was a disgrace today. This game, more than the first two, showed me that our offensive line needs work. Much was made of our general inexperience on O-line but it didn’t show the first two games. Throughout the second quarter of the Furman game, our offensive line looked passive, their effort barely more than that of our uninspired defense today.The Paladins marched the ball down the field with ease in the second half They had a punt return for touchdown nullified by a penalty that only served notice that our special teams are still a glaring weakness.

Bottom line, if Clemson plays this way against any other team on our schedule, they’ll get their asses handed to them. I'll follow this post up with a more detailed assessment when I find some articles to steal from.

THE DEFENSE MAY HAVE STUNK THE PLACE UP BUT WILLY KORN STEPPED IN AND “RAISED THE ROOF” FIGURATIVELY AGAINST THE FURMAN PALLADIUMS. Willy Mac told me that right after the game WILLY KORN called Tim Tebow on the phone and called him a PUSSY. TEBOW YOU JUST GOT KORNED. I was so inspired and FIRED UP…. INFIRED? by Willy’s performance today that I wrote a small action scene based on his drive in the Furman game. NOT THAT EXTREME… UH… BUT HERE GOES.


*crowd explodes in applause, panties thrown on field*

Defense: Oh Man, it’s WILLY KORN, I heard that dude melts faces.

WILLY KORN: Yeah, Ima melt ya FACE OFF. The last thing you’re going to see before you die is my BURNING FACE OF DEATH.

Defense: *face melts off* AGGGGGGG! BURNING KORN HEAD OF DEATH! *dies*

WILLY KORN: I’m dedicating this touchdown pass to the memories of those whose faces I melted with my swagger. DEDICATIONNNN TOUCHDOWNNNNNN. *touchdown* [KORN wills in an extra point.]

The ghost of Wille Hutch suddenly appears midfield. The lights, sun dim and a single spotlight shines on the late Mr. Hutch. He begins to sing:

A banner is dropped from the Ring of Honor. WILLY KORN #3 is revealed underneath the banner. AXL ROSE, wearing a KORN jersey and realizing he’s on the Jumbotron now, nods approvingly and gives the camera a thumbs up.


I think it’s EXTREME. Maybe too EXTREME FOR HOLLYWOOD. The only action scene I’ve ever seen that is better than this is the teahouse shootout scene from Hard Boiled.

If you don’t think this is the MOST EXTREME action sequence EVAR, get the hell off my blog and never come back.

E….K….R…….. OUT.

14 September 2007


Furman (1-1) @ #20 Clemson (2-0, 1-0 ACC), Saturday, September 15th, 1PM EST, ESPN Gameplan.

The Line: Clemson (Off)

Edge goes to:

Offense: Clemson

Defense: Clemson

Special Teams: Clemson

Intangibles: Clemson

Larger population of geese and ducks: Furman

Our panel of DFIG "experts" say:

Chili: I would just copy and paste my take on the La-Monroe game for this one, but I'll just chew up my memories of it and vomit them out in your baby bird mouths here. Clemson = good, big, Furman = not good, little. Clemson>Furman. We win by a lot. Harper again looks like a baller. Korn gets more playing time. Passing game gets worked on just enough to not give any new wrinkles in our playbook away. Dogs and cats, living together, mass hysteria.

Clemson 50, Furman 12

John C. Calhoun is not amused by your faggotry.

Furman is Clemson's oldest football rival. Now that I've stated a fact, I'll move on to my opinions. This game will be a statement for us, to show the world, who are so quick to point out where we've stumbled in the past, that we are a different team this year. Gone are the days where Clemson falls at the hands of lesser opponents even after defeating giants. At least I hope that's how this game will pan out. Clemson will blow this team away. LA Monroe was a fluke and there is no way that our defense that was so solid at first against FSU should have given up so many points to them. I'm looking for the defense even more so than the offense to make a statement this game. I'm not worried about our offense, no matter who is playing QB I think we'll be fine, our defense is what is going to make or break this season I think. If the coaching staff will keep passing the ball and not rely so much on short passes and runs up the middle, this will be a good year. I see Clemson up by 28 at least in the first half, I'll say Davis or Spiller has a rushing TD and Harper spreads the ball out for 3 more from the air. Furman gets shut out, not aTD, not a field goal, nothing in the first half, first string defense makes their statement. Then golden boy Willy Korn takes the offense into the second half and adds a few TD's of his own. This is our final tune up game before the schedule starts getting tough. NC State should be a pushover, but what lies beyond is scary. Clemson blows this one out.

Clemson 56, Furman 9


Willy Mac:
I don't want an App. State type implosion here. Don't think that it can't happen. [Gamecock logic: We're a second tier big school and they're a second tier lil' school. Michigan is a top tier big school and App. State is a top tier lil' school.] Now that I've given you the Rece Davis "My producer's are holding me at gunpoint to make this game seem interesting" sell, I can get on with my article. Everyone knows we're gonna win, I just hope we do it big. We waited to long and the refs kept ULM in the game for too long as well. We literally got flagged for cleanly hitting the quarterback too hard last game. I don't mind that, but lets wait till we're up by three touchdowns, then unleash the hounds. Kill the men, burn their village, enslave the women and children. Maybe not that last part, but you get the idea.

Clemson 45, Furman 10

*Beats chest and gives a grunt* (Thanks to Robert for the find.)

13 September 2007



CAN YOU FEEL THAT, CULLEN HARPER? Yeah, that's the smell of WILLY KORN'S HOT BREAF on your neck. And I TOTALLY don't mean that in a GAY WAY. According to this newspaper article I didn't have time to read - we have an EXTREME QUARTERBACK KORNTROVERSY!!!!! From what my literate friends tell me, Coach Spence is all like "MAN... KORN IS SO AWESOME, HARPER YOU EAT RAW ASS, KORN LEAD US TO VICTORY!" and Harper was like "STFU, MAN, ALL I DID WAS THROW 5 TOUCHDOWN PASSES" and KORN said "ALL YOUR SNAPS ARE BELONG TO US!" and then they CHUGGED a bunch of ROCKSTAR ENERGY DRINK and crushed the cans on the heads of orphans. EXPLOSIVO! I don't know about you, but I'm PSYCHED about KORN starting at quarterback. When a school has a quarterback controversy (or KORNTROVERSY, as I call it!!) we all win. THIS IS SO FREAKING EXCITING! Do you see what part of my seat I'm on---- that's right, IT'S THE EDGE!!!!!1!!11!one!!

12 September 2007


Here is the third (or is it forth? I don't know, I don't do it that often) installation of college football fan art. Do you have that friend, or acquaintance (or perhaps, unfortunately, it's you) that has the one room shrine dedicated to their favorite college team? I'm not saying it's a bad thing, there are just some things I wish I could change about the "college football shrine sub-culture." Mainly, the artwork. First of all, I'd prefer a nice picture of a memorable occasion (I own Woody Dantzler's last hill run and the picture of Yusef Kelly kicking that guy in the brawl). The idea of a college football painting is usually laughable and I can't believe that there is actually a market. It's like a terrible venture into fan fiction that's terribleness can only be topped by Warcraft/Star Wars/Lord of the Rings fan scripts. Today, I bring you one horrible Wake Forest painting. You'd think that with Wake being a liberal arts college and all, you might have something a little better than this come out of the mix. Hell, up until last year I was unaware that they had any sort of football following.

Isn't this nice. Two young children, too young to even know what true love is. But not young enough to understand the value of frien...... JESUS CHRIST! THERES A FIFTY FOOT DEAMON DEACON ON THE HORIZON AND ITS MARCHING TOWARDS US. These kids should pay better attention to there surroundings. Seriously, this has to be the second coming of Gozer the Destroyer. Let's just hope that there is a satellite branch of Ghostbusters, Inc. in the research triangle. Seriously, what was the artist thinking? Can you imagine the ramifications of a giant deacon trouncing about Wake Forests campus? And why does he have that half cocked puppy dog stare going on?

Imagine this, only more demonic... and more Deacony... and roaming around crushing buildings on the campus of a small liberal arts college in North Carolina.

Movie homages aside, if you look closely, that doesn't look to be a friendly embrace either. It looks like a domestic battery charge waiting to happen, though that sort of thing probably happens pretty frequently in the moonshine laden foothills of the area. You can tell that the young boy has rape on the mind because his hand is wrapped around the neck, and not just draped. Also, the girls feet look as if she is bracing for impact. Also, why are there daisies blooming in the apex of the fall? Don't those things usually come out in the spring?

Lastly, as Chili pointed out to me, what the hell are two grade school children doing wandering a college campus unsupervised? Although, you'd have to expect that to be about par with podunk North Carolina. Hey, at least they have proper clothing and shoes on.

11 September 2007


Cullen Harper is clearly a scholar of Lorraine Peterson's seminal treatise on awesomeness. The cover appears to feature a young John Tesh lecturing to the cast of a Sunny D commercial.

- Cullen Harper was named the ACC Offensive Back of the Week for his record-setting outing versus Louisiana-Monroe. After two weeks, only 5 of the 12 ACC teams have had members named All-ACC for any of the six categories. Interestingly, UNC -- 1-1 barely beating James Madison and losing to ECU -- has had 3 players named All-ACC, tied with far better teams BC and GT for most players selected at this point. Clemson has had 2 and UVa has had 1 player named All-ACC for the week.

- One-man Katamari ball James Davis has reiterated his preseason statements that he is almost assuredly going to return for his senior year. In most people's estimation he would be the top running back up for draft after his senior year. Davis states that the only way he'll go pro after this, his junior year, is if he will be a top-3 running back entering the draft, a feat unlikely considering some of the other RBs out there. Davis states his former teammate Gaines Adams' decision to stay for his senior year, a decision that proved prudent and lucrative for the DE, as reason for his desire to complete 4 years in Clemson.

- Davis also is on the record as wanting to see more Willy Korn in the Clemson backfield, but not at the expense of Harper. "I think coach (Tommy Bowden) has to find a way to get that guy on the field some kind of way,” Davis said. “You have to use him as something.” The Extreme Korn Report is reportedly extremely excited and neon about this idea.

- Vic Koenning wants you to tackle a bitch. Tired of players missing tackles in attempting to deliver big hits, Coach Vic is preaching fundamentals. "Wrapping up, stepping on their toes, keeping good bases, keeping their face up, and you’ve got to emphasize those fundamentals," Vic was quoted as saying. Interestingly, this was nearly identical to the first sex advice I ever received. Koenning counted 19 critical missed assignments against La-Monroe, a level of error that would've buried the team against a better opponent.

- Bowden warns Tigers to avoid a Michigan-like screwup. It's important to reiterate this, but seriously, no way this game is close. If Furman is within 10 points I'll eat my shoe.

10 September 2007


Our new friend from up north, Andrew Reed, emailed us before the FSU game stating that he was coming to Tiger Town as a part of his expedition across America in search of good college football. Andrew is currently working on an unnamed book on his experience. He is also a writer for SI.com and you can check out his recap of his Clemson visit on Labor Day here. Apparently, Clemson treated him well. Good jarb as always Tigernation. Also, if you get some free time, check out Andrew's Road Trip Blog.

09 September 2007


After seeing the absolutely dominant performance that Louisiana State University put up against Virginia Tech this Saturday, I am thoroughly convinced of their right to play for the national title. Now I know this isn't strictly Clemson related, but I'll tie in our boys here if you'll bear with me while I gripe. The AP poll has been mucking things up in my mind since they delivered a split national title to LSU when they clearly and convincingly won the Bowl Championship Series championship. Thinking this was completely unfair, I complained at length, though not in such a forum as this. Of course not to be outdone, the poll once again screwed a team deserving of at least a chance to play for the title. When Auburn won the perennially tough SEC in 2004 and went on to edge out Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl, completing a 12-0 season, they were not afforded a top ranking, despite being undefeated. Why can the University of Southern California, receive a title when they had one loss for the year ( a thrashing at the hands of California) and Auburn not, when they defeated powerhouses in the SEC including LSU, Georgia and Florida?

Before I continue, let me give you a little background on the poll. The Associated Press Poll in its first incarnation came about in 1934, taking the 1935 season off and returning in its current form in 1936. The poll's purpose was to originally rank the top 25 teams in NCAA football each week, ultimately deciding who would play in the big money bowl games ( now known as the BCS Bowls). The AP is one among many such football polls, but undoubtedly has the longest history, despite no longer being used as part of the BCS formula. A group of hand picked sports writers and journalists vote each week by ranking the top 25 teams they think are deserving of a spot in the poll. Teams are given points based on where they are ranked, and a final poll is compiled. First place votes are worth 25 points, while second place votes are worth 24, and 25th place votes are worth 1 point. A list of the current voters in the AP poll can be found here. The BCS is a flawed system no doubt and no matter what system is used, someone will find fault with it and complain. I have come to terms with this, college football is a lot about money, and we can't change that, so we have to live with it. Until a time comes when the money doesn't matter, the big money schools will continue to grab national championships.

Back to the poll once again, I prayed to God, which I don't often do, that the sports writers would give LSU it's due this week. I mean, come on, they have arguably one of the toughest schedules one can have, and they dominated the number 9 team in the country, one who is never perennially a cream puff opponent. Why was this not convincing enough for the writers? It was for some of course, but not for all. LSU received 25 first place votes this week, finishing just twelve points shy of USC who had 40 votes. This tells me that for everyone who didn't rank USC #1, they ranked them much lower, perhaps even out of the top 5. Why do they continue to pay homage to this team at the expense of other more deserving teams. I agree USC is a good program, but I doubt very seriously if they played in the SEC they would have such prestige. Ok, I'm off my soap box now, moving on to others in the polls.

Our most hated football team, the U of SC Gamecocks, jumped from 33rd in the poll last week to 17th, passing our own Tigers who landed at 20th. And I'll wait now for every Shamecock reading this to rabble about how great Steve Spurrier is and how they'll go to the BCS this year. You beat an overrated Georgia team, so what? We beat an overrated FSU team by a greater score than you, and had a far more dominating performance, but we're not prognosticating championships. Talk to us after you visit the rest of the SEC, then we'll see what's happening.

Rounding out the poll are some other notables, Tennessee, after thrashing Southern Miss, jumps from 24th to 22nd, while Texas A&M who squeaked out a triple overtime win against Fresno State drops from 23rd to 25th. Auburn's completely out of the poll along with Boise State, TCU, with newcomers BC, Oregon and SC taking their spots in the top 25.

So which team is getting screwed and which ones are overrated? Who knows. I'm not complaining about Clemson's spot, I think that's right where we need to be for now. I don't want to see us jump significantly until after we take on a real opponent, and by that I don't mean NC State or Furman. Georgia Tech is looking scary, but who knows how we'll fare against them, ND was a joke opponent this year and I don't think we'll have a fair assessment of their capabilities until they play BC.
And now for a moment of zen....


Oh, hello there.

Now that the dust has settled from the game and reporters have had time to compile stats, let's take another look at some of the numbers from Saturday's game versus the Warhawks, shall we? We shall.

*Puts on cardigan and house slippers*

Alright, kids, here we are. What do you call this? Yes, it's a passing game! Why, I haven't seen a solid one of these since Charlie Whitehurst's sophomore year, you know, before his head got too big? As I stated in the wrapup, Cullen Harper set a single-game record for TD passes by a QB with 5. La-Mo stuffed the box, as teams have learned to do against us. This time we showed, albeit against a middling team, that we can overcome this ground blockage with an air assault.

Other passing stats of note:
- 9 different receivers caught passes
- 5 different receivers caught touchdown passes
- Freshman tight end Brian Linthicum caught his second TD pass in as many games
- Jacoby Ford caught a 52-yard bomb
- CJ Spiller had 4 catches for 87 yards

In other CJ Spiller news, he reached 1,000 all-purpose yards for his career and set a new record in fewest carries needed to reach that mark with 142. That means, on average, Spiller will gain over 7 yards every time he touches the ball. That, my friends, is what we call "doin' wurk." He bests the previous mark set by Ronald Williams in 1991. Williams needed 185 carries to hit the same mark.

James Davis scored his 28th career rushing touchdown, tying him for 4th place overall tie with Terry Allen for the all-time record.

Tommy Bowden coached his 100th game at Clemson, putting him at a wonderfully mediocre 62-38.

Even our kicking game had some notable feats on Saturday. Junior Jimmy Maners had a 71 yard punt, the longest in Death Valley since Chris Gardocki blasted a 78 yarder against USC in 1990. Starting kicker and soccer phenom Mark Buchholz, winner of DFIG's Ironman Award (A prestigious decree that I just invented) is on a one-man marathon of futbol and football. As the Charleston Post & Courier states: "The Tigers' starting kicker will be in Blacksburg, Va., playing for Clemson's soccer team in a tournament at Virginia Tech. It'll be the end of a three-games-in-three-days extravaganza by Buchholz. Buchholz played 107 minutes in Friday night's 2-1 overtime loss to the Hokies in Blacksburg. The university plane got him back to Clemson at 12:30 a.m. Saturday, and he was scheduled to be whisked back to Blacksburg later Saturday evening." INSANITY. Although I bet Willy Korn could do that, except he wouldn't need a university plane as everyone knows he flies on the wings of eagles.

While a number of notable offensive stats are evident here, the defense did not fare so well. While the dearth of compliments for the D may be attributed to the short turnaround from the FSU game or the abundance of minutes played by 2nd and 3rd stringers, they still gave up 271 yards to a mediocre team.

So that's our full disclosure version of the news and notes from Saturday's game. Let's hope we don't suffer our own private App State against Furman this weekend. Have a great week, campers.


Picking teams based on the spread is tough. It humbled many of our contestants this week, with the best showing this week being a measly 12 out of 20. The standings are as follows:

1. Sam 26 pts
2. Chili 22 pts
t3. Brad 21 pts
t3. Tully 21 pts
t5. Nole 20 pts
t5. Lyrtch 20 pts
7. Willy Mac 19 pts
8. Seigler 18 pts
9. Captain 13 pts

Hopefully next week we finish out a little better with our pigskin prognostication.

08 September 2007


We could've done a better job at this today, but for our 2nd game in 6 days, not bad.

The Tigers started off slow today but never let up once they got goin', a phrase that sounds like it should be a Bachman-Turner Overdrive song, but that's besides the point. Clemson prevailed with a score of 49-26. Enough of a high scoring game to satisfy those with questions about the Tigers' offensive prowess, but not enough resilience on defense to inspire total confidence in that group. For the official recap of the game check out the ESPN writeup.

Cullen Harper did a fantastic job for the Tigers today, aided by solid blocking from the offensive line. Harper finished an admirable 20/26 for 270 yards and 5 touchdown passes, with no interceptions. He set the individual Clemson single-game record for most touchdown passes with 5, eclipsing the previous record held by 5 other Clemson quarterbacks.

While the running game wasn't exceptional, I'm not really concerned as I would attribute this to the coaches' insistence on not repeating the mistakes of last year and focusing more on the passing game when games are already won. There was a lot of talk over this last week about how infrequently the Tigers honed their passing attack when up on cupcakes last year and I feel this issue was pretty fairly addressed on the field tonight. My only other concern is the ease with which our defense gave up rushing yards, a malady that plagued them last year late in the season.

EXTREME KORN REPORT: Willy Korn absolutely DOMINATED the field, THRASHING the defense with an ASSSSSTOUNDING 49 yards on 6/8 passing, BARRELING through the unworthy and puny defense for a rushing touchdown to cap off a 75 yard POWER DRIVE. HE'S NOT EVEN A RUNNING BACK AND HE RAN FOR A TOUCHDOWN. BALLS. Rumor has it that PRESIDENT BUSH called Willy after the game and congratulated him on his effort. GOD BLESS AMERICA and WILLY KORN. EKR OVER!

One issue I was pretty ticked about has nothing to do with the team itself, but of my ability to watch the team. Of course a gem of a matchup like this one wasn't available on ESPN, ESPN2, CSS, Raycom, or Fox Sports. But, aha, you can always rely on ESPN Game Plan to watch all the games that slip through the cracks. Well, you could if you are in any part of America that doesn't give a crap about the game. The entire Southern region was blacked out. The key region that would want to see the game can't even do so if they pay for it. So, if you can't make it to the game, and you want to watch it at home, and you live anywhere in the south, you can't. Tough. Of course fans should be at the game, but there's no way every Clemson fan can travel to every game.

Minor gripes aside -- and this game was all about minor gripes -- the Tigers played well and won easily. They played around with some things, got lots of playing time for 2nd and 3rd stringers, didn't suffer major injuries, and more than likely got better as a team. It wasn't as much of a blowout as some predicted, but they got the job done.

07 September 2007


Woody Dantzler, arguably the most exciting player to watch in Clemson football history, will be entered into the Clemson Athletic Hall of Fame at halftime of the Louisiana-Monroe game this Saturday. Here is a pretty good article that chronicles his current situation. Woody has a Christian t-shirt company, coaches at Fairfield-Central, and has the option of returning to play for the Chicago Rush of the Arena League. Woody was the first quarterback in college football history to rush for over 1,000 yards and pass for over 2,000 in the same season. We at DFIG congratulate Woodrow and wish him continued success in whatever he chooses to do.


The Log Blog covers the venerable Lowsman Award for the worst college football player in the nation. Michael Henig, MSU quarterback, leads the early contenders with a mighty performance against LSU consisting of 11/28 for 120 yards, 0 TDs and an astounding 6 INTs. He's like the King Midas of shit.

In non-football news, Pete Doherty's cat is on crack.

06 September 2007


Louisiana-Monroe (0-1) @ #25 Clemson (1-0, 1-0 ACC), Saturday, September 8th, 1PM EST, ESPN Gameplan.

The Line: Clemson -27.5

Edge goes to:

Offense: Clemson

Defense: Clemson

Special Teams: Clemson

Intangibles: Clemson

Our panel of DFIG "experts" say:

Chili: I expect this to be a relatively easy win for the Tigers, no surprise there. What may come as a shock is the revelation that the Warhawks put up 40 points against a Kentucky team that punked us in the Music City Bowl, a feat we couldn't come close to. As App State taught us last week, never overlook a team, and I don't think the Tigers will here. This game and Furman might be tuneup games for the road trips to NCSU And GT to follow. The passing game and extremely dodgy sounding "stallions" package will be tweaked, starters will hopefully be rested, and Willy Korn will see his first minutes as Clemson quarterback, at which time the clouds will part so God Himself can watch Korn toss the pigskin. L-M's quarterback was just 7-21 against Tulsa on August 30th and will need a much better performance to keep it close against the Tigers. The Tigers hopefully put together a full four quarters of offensive execution and win this one easily.

Clemson 38, Louisiana-Monroe 10

The Tigers are going to turn out the Warhawks and have them doing ATMs and DVDA nightly before they knew what hit 'em.

Willy Mac: Blow out city. La Monroe, or La Lafayette, or La Tech, or whoever it is we're playing can only hope to keep it close for a quarter or two. You don't need me to tell you what to expect. I am looking forward to Korn as well. This will be a great opportunity for Willy K. (We gotta start doing that so as to separate the two of us) to start getting everything right at game speed. It'll also give Bowden an opportunity to appease the zombie hordes calling for Willy Korn to start over Cullen Harper.

Clemson 56, La Monroe 13

A rough depiction of the cut back blocks to expect our linemen to make on the helpless, unaware Warhawk players every time we run a kick/punt/interception back.

Well, since we made the last game close, I don’t think this one will be. Though our second half against FSU makes me doubt that Clemson is as good as many fans would like to think. Our defense was solid, so I would expect that Louisiana Monroe won’t get many opportunities to score. I won’t call this a complete shutout, but it will be close to one. I’m just hoping that Clemson is not already looking past this week and next weeks games. Clemson’s offense under Cullen Harper was a very pleasant surprise though, despite not doing so well in the second half. I realized that when it was 21-0 on Monday in the first 17 minutes, that it will be a while before we see Willy Korn on a regular basis. I do think that when this game does become a blowout, that Tommy might let his true freshman take the helm for a couple of downs. If the Tigers can put up 24 against FSU, I think we can easily double that against LMU. This is an easy opportunity for the team to work out any kinks discovered in the last game.

Clemson 45 Louisiana Monroe 6


I just saw this trailer for a new college football game due out in November (only 2 months late into football season - who'd have guessed!) from Nerjyzed Studios called BCFX - Black College Football Experience. The game features about 40 teams from sever conferences of historically black colleges and universities including the SWAC, SIAC, and CIAA. The most interesting part of the game is - you guessed it - the Battle of the Bands which lets you control the drumline and band majors and get as nasty as you want to be. The game uses the same graphics engine as some of the latest computer games so it should look incredible when it does finally make it to retailer's shelves whenever the fuck it feels like it.


After arguably one of the crazier weeks in recent college football history, Sambo takes the lead in the race for the scotch. I absolutely faceplanted and was obviously hitting myself in the head with a tac hammer while I was putting in my picks. Thanks Phil Steele, you really F'ed that one up. Don't bail on us yet. As last year proved, sometimes people miss a week or two and it ruins their run. Sam was the only picker to correctly guess the ASU upset of Michigan, just so you know.

This weeks standings:
1) Sambo (14-5)
2) Captain (13-6)
T3) Lyrtch (12-7)
T3) Chili (12-7)
T3) Brad (12-7)
T6) Willy Mac (11-8)
T6) NoleCC (11-8)
T6) Seigler (11-8)
9) Tully (10-9)

Don't forget to pick this week. And no, we're not changing the spread format. You've got to earn our love... and our alcohol. We don't just want you copying the expert picks.

04 September 2007


Very cool.

As for the game, you can check out the CUAD's wrap up here since they could probably give you better stats and such. Check out Bowden's press conference notes here. Funny how he did a PR wonder explaining the second half offensive goose egg. "We weren't really productive in the second half, but again, I assumed that was Florida State coming out (ready to play)." Wow, weaseled his way out of that one. Lastly, be sure to bookmark this link: The Sporting Gnomes 2007 ACC Helmet Schedule.

Now, for the good part. Yesterday was just utter craziness. It started out good enough, but cops need to figure out a way to let traffic flow both ways. I was on the moped yesterday and was forced to discover all kinds of sidewalks and off road trails on Clemson's campus simply because some fat asshole from Lumpkin County wanted to exercise his badassedness (Yeah, it's a word now, write that down young'n) and told me to go around (a trip that would have literally taken me a mile and a half in traffic) when I was only 100 feet from my tailgate. Imagine his dismay when I would appear thirty minutes later coming out of the barricades he'd spent so much precious time keeping me out of. Seriously, cops need to lighten up on game days and at least pretend that they don't consider themselves to be higher classed citizens than everyone else around them not wearing a badge. Lighten up, Clemson fans aren't Ohio State fans.


A great game all in all. Well, all in the first half and final minutes. We get back to the tailgate after the game and everyone kind of has that dazed look on there faces accompanied by tired, dirty faces. And then the worst thing that could have happened, did. The car that was supposed to drive Chili and I back at the end of the night left. Needless to say, it was interesting. We hopped on the moped and our hilarious journey began.

12:30ish: After abandoning my cooler, we departed the Fike parking lot and headed towards Fort Hill Street.

12:38: Two big guys on a moped making all sorts of cartoonish noises finally strains its way to the stop sign near the shoe boxes.

12:39: The brakes on the moped almost snap off of the handlebars as the moped screeches to a halt at the bottom of Fort Hill Street, directly across from the East Gate.

12:40: A couple of drunk guys jeer and laugh excitedly as we pass them heading very slowly up the hill away from the stadium. I give my bitch horn a few honks and away we go. The look on the parting crowds faces was priceless.

12:55: We've been at the top of Williamson road for quite sometime, so we decide to venture down a side road.

12:56: That wasn't a side road.

12:58: We make it to the Cooper Library back lawn/top of Strom Thurmond Center. Hell yes we're cutting across, $1000 fine be damned. We just saw a Cat Bus do it.

1:04: After nearly being hit by oncoming traffic we manage to steer the wobbly and tired moped into Thornhill.

1:06: We turn onto 93 and head back toward Central after vowing never to go back into Thornhill without a weapon of some sort after 7pm from here on out.

1:08: We cut off a Cat Bus driver who tried to pull out in front of us earlier. We all exchange vulgarities muffled by the wind and appropriate hand gestures. I give the bitch horn a few more taps just to show my seriousness of the situation. Chili has his hands in his face from embarrassment.

1:09: We get stuck at the red light in front of Bilo beside said Cat Bus. Further exchanges take place. He calls me crazy and I tell him that he and his cohorts constantly make me late for class and take breaks at terrible times. The passengers are dying with laughter.

1:15: Finally at home. I think I hear the moped let out a sigh after Chili and I get off. "We're there. Got a little nippy goin' through the pass, ay Harry?"

Same thing, except for the cold. And the pee.