15 September 2007


Clemson 38, Furman 10. Anonymous called 33-7 and is the big winner today.

Clemson's official season motto is "Finish the Job," but a more appropriate motto after the past two games may be "We're passing now, deal with it." Clemson rushed for only 49 yards, but passed for 325 in a mediocre effort against the Furman Paladins.

Thank God we only played Furman today. Had any other team laced up their cleats and set foot in Memorial Stadium, they'd have kicked Clemson's teeth in. Our team lacked tenacity in all aspects of the game. The offensive line was porous on what should be our strong point, the running game. Our defense was like a swinging door, offering no resistance to a Division 1-AA offense. Admittedly Furman ran an offense like a cheap-ass NCAA 08 player - crazy options and going for it almost every 4th down - but for them to outgain us is absurd.

While Cullen Harper (16/19 266, 3 TDs, 0 INTs) and Jimmy Maners (Kicking puts into outer orbit) continued to shine, most every other aspect of the Tigers' game was a disgrace today. This game, more than the first two, showed me that our offensive line needs work. Much was made of our general inexperience on O-line but it didn’t show the first two games. Throughout the second quarter of the Furman game, our offensive line looked passive, their effort barely more than that of our uninspired defense today.The Paladins marched the ball down the field with ease in the second half They had a punt return for touchdown nullified by a penalty that only served notice that our special teams are still a glaring weakness.

Bottom line, if Clemson plays this way against any other team on our schedule, they’ll get their asses handed to them. I'll follow this post up with a more detailed assessment when I find some articles to steal from.

THE DEFENSE MAY HAVE STUNK THE PLACE UP BUT WILLY KORN STEPPED IN AND “RAISED THE ROOF” FIGURATIVELY AGAINST THE FURMAN PALLADIUMS. Willy Mac told me that right after the game WILLY KORN called Tim Tebow on the phone and called him a PUSSY. TEBOW YOU JUST GOT KORNED. I was so inspired and FIRED UP…. INFIRED? by Willy’s performance today that I wrote a small action scene based on his drive in the Furman game. NOT THAT EXTREME… UH… BUT HERE GOES.


*crowd explodes in applause, panties thrown on field*

Defense: Oh Man, it’s WILLY KORN, I heard that dude melts faces.

WILLY KORN: Yeah, Ima melt ya FACE OFF. The last thing you’re going to see before you die is my BURNING FACE OF DEATH.

Defense: *face melts off* AGGGGGGG! BURNING KORN HEAD OF DEATH! *dies*

WILLY KORN: I’m dedicating this touchdown pass to the memories of those whose faces I melted with my swagger. DEDICATIONNNN TOUCHDOWNNNNNN. *touchdown* [KORN wills in an extra point.]

The ghost of Wille Hutch suddenly appears midfield. The lights, sun dim and a single spotlight shines on the late Mr. Hutch. He begins to sing:

A banner is dropped from the Ring of Honor. WILLY KORN #3 is revealed underneath the banner. AXL ROSE, wearing a KORN jersey and realizing he’s on the Jumbotron now, nods approvingly and gives the camera a thumbs up.


I think it’s EXTREME. Maybe too EXTREME FOR HOLLYWOOD. The only action scene I’ve ever seen that is better than this is the teahouse shootout scene from Hard Boiled.

If you don’t think this is the MOST EXTREME action sequence EVAR, get the hell off my blog and never come back.

E….K….R…….. OUT.