Now, for the good part. Yesterday was just utter craziness. It started out good enough, but cops need to figure out a way to let traffic flow both ways. I was on the moped yesterday and was forced to discover all kinds of sidewalks and off road trails on Clemson's campus simply because some fat asshole from Lumpkin County wanted to exercise his badassedness (Yeah, it's a word now, write that down young'n) and told me to go around (a trip that would have literally taken me a mile and a half in traffic) when I was only 100 feet from my tailgate. Imagine his dismay when I would appear thirty minutes later coming out of the barricades he'd spent so much precious time keeping me out of. Seriously, cops need to lighten up on game days and at least pretend that they don't consider themselves to be higher classed citizens than everyone else around them not wearing a badge. Lighten up, Clemson fans aren't Ohio State fans.
A great game all in all. Well, all in the first half and final minutes. We get back to the tailgate after the game and everyone kind of has that dazed look on there faces accompanied by tired, dirty faces. And then the worst thing that could have happened, did. The car that was supposed to drive Chili and I back at the end of the night left. Needless to say, it was interesting. We hopped on the moped and our hilarious journey began.
12:30ish: After abandoning my cooler, we departed the Fike parking lot and headed towards Fort Hill Street.
12:38: Two big guys on a moped making all sorts of cartoonish noises finally strains its way to the stop sign near the shoe boxes.
12:39: The brakes on the moped almost snap off of the handlebars as the moped screeches to a halt at the bottom of Fort Hill Street, directly across from the East Gate.
12:40: A couple of drunk guys jeer and laugh excitedly as we pass them heading very slowly up the hill away from the stadium. I give my bitch horn a few honks and away we go. The look on the parting crowds faces was priceless.
12:55: We've been at the top of Williamson road for quite sometime, so we decide to venture down a side road.
12:56: That wasn't a side road.
12:58: We make it to the Cooper Library back lawn/top of Strom Thurmond Center. Hell yes we're cutting across, $1000 fine be damned. We just saw a Cat Bus do it.
1:04: After nearly being hit by oncoming traffic we manage to steer the wobbly and tired moped into Thornhill.
1:06: We turn onto 93 and head back toward Central after vowing never to go back into Thornhill without a weapon of some sort after 7pm from here on out.
1:08: We cut off a Cat Bus driver who tried to pull out in front of us earlier. We all exchange vulgarities muffled by the wind and appropriate hand gestures. I give the bitch horn a few more taps just to show my seriousness of the situation. Chili has his hands in his face from embarrassment.
1:09: We get stuck at the red light in front of Bilo beside said Cat Bus. Further exchanges take place. He calls me crazy and I tell him that he and his cohorts constantly make me late for class and take breaks at terrible times. The passengers are dying with laughter.
1:15: Finally at home. I think I hear the moped let out a sigh after Chili and I get off. "We're there. Got a little nippy goin' through the pass, ay Harry?"
Same thing, except for the cold. And the pee.