09 October 2006


I saved up this DSOT until after the Wake Forest game. Diabolical as it may sound, I wanted to catch the last quivers as Tigernet shook off its mortal coils and died an angry death if Wake Forest triumphed. Thankfully, this didn't occur. Nevertheless I was left with some good gems gleamed during the live-posting during the Wake Forest game that I tacked onto the end of this post.

No. No we don’t. Not one bit.

Hey more talk about Zombie Nation. If seeing Wake Forest’s fans bouncing to the song wasn’t enough to make you sick of the song being played at Clemson games, the thought of “customizing” the awful techno song with Clemson chants should make you succumb to a pavlovian cycle of uncontrollable vomiting each time you hear it.

Everyone knows Clemson has been severely impacted this year by injuries to many major players. Tremaine Billie, Anthony Waters, Chansi Stuckey, Rendrick Taylor, and Etta Etta-Tawo have all gone down at some point this season. As Tigernetters fumble all over themselves to diagnose the injury problem as something caused by Nike shoes or the new turf installed on the practice fields or a lack of a diet rich in calcium, Ol’ Marcus Welby, M.D. here has a theory that our players have somehow become too ripped and lightening quick for their puny human skeletal systems to support. Right now this guy and about 20 other Tiger fans are furiously crayoning letters to Marvel asking them to explain this whole Wolverine adamantium-fused skeleton thingy.


Okay so as I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, Tigernetters have a disturbing preoccupation with admiring the rippled ebony physique of the now injured Rendrick Taylor. Of course, like this guy knows, it’s not as creepy and gay if it’s for, you know, your “wife.”

And here’s the offending image dancing through middle aged Tiger fans’ heads.

This isn’t Dumb Shit. It’s just the goddamned truth.

One of the things that can really make for a classic ignorant post is when someone of limited intelligence tries to be Mr. Clever and gain points from some jab at the Gamecocks or the opponent for the week. This is apparently in reference to Carolina fans’ proclivity to clap for their team after close losses. But please, people, if you’re dumb, don’t try and be witty. Especially if you’re attempting humor through a math joke.

This is another example. To this guy and maybe one other snickering, mouth breathing retard fan, this post is the Woody Allen "moose bit" of message board posts.

This moron graces us with an indecipherable attempt at humor. Making fun of an undefeated team that’s head and shoulders above your favorite team is a little… dumb.

If you’re a man, there are only 3 excuses to cry. And if any of those things happen, you are only allowed to shed a single tear as you stare wistfully into the distance. Then you wipe your goddamned face clean and coldcock anyone who saw you cry. Those reasons are as follows: 1) you are kicked in the testicles with nothing softer than a steel toed boot 2) your dog is killed in front of you 3) you wreck your truck. Watching your favorite team lose a game is not, I repeat NOT, a reason to cry. MAN LAW.

Okay I take that back. Watching your favorite team can be an excuse to cry. If you had four grand riding on the game with 10 points vig on an already extended loan and you couldn’t pay your bookie. Then you can sob like a little bitch. This guy was 9 when he cried at a game. Still not okay.

Oh, man, I’m right there with you. I’m hooked on Tigernet too! What’s not to love? Overzealous mods zapping any post that dare question anything? The same old jokes rehashed ad nauseam? Wildly inaccurate speculation? Discussion of what media outlets are out to get us this week? Calling anyone a “coot” for not falling in to the party line? A filter that even erases the word hell? I’M LOVIN IT!

This isn’t from Tigernet, but I couldn’t leave it out. I see ESPN’s ombudsman shares his network's penchant for tasteful understatement.


Prior to the game, hoards of Clemson fans were talking shit. Common knocks on Wake Forest fans were that they were homosexual, their football team was vastly inadequate to ours, that they don’t support our troops, their stadium was high-school sized, and/or they were just plain nerdy. Trust me, these points were every bit as tired and sophomoric and painfully close to home as the Wake Forest claims that we are all tractor driving, sister-fucking, pig-kissing, tobacco-chewing, trucker-hat wearing, slack jawed yokels.

I read this message in a Yosemite Sam voice. I think it makes it more fun that way. And sometimes I like to twist straws up around my fingers and have a friend thump the straw. It goes pop and everyone laughs and laughs!


This is maybe the earliest of the naysayers. This guy is pretty damned quick to close up show and declare a loss. I heard that one time his wife gently reminded him that he snores loudly in bed. He punched her in the belly, called her a cunt, said her whole family were just a bunch of lying gypsies, gave her custody of the kids, and immediately left the home to shack up in a cheap motel for a month.

The overall state of the board after Proctor’s interception was not a whole lot more optimistic.

Yep, you called it, buddy (3rd quarter).

After a late 3rd quarter drive fizzles, these fans buck the trend and don’t give up hope. They’re staying with Clemson until the end! Nah, just kidding, they bitched out and called the game dead as well.

It always helps, when one thinks their team is going to lose, to assign blame to a particular person. In this case, somehow Stuckey would’ve magically inspired our team to not play with their thumbs up their collective asses for 3 quarters.

Gaines Adams saved the game with his incredible botched field goal play, and in doing so, pumped a million gallons of sunshine up Tigernet’s ass.

And the board explodes with delight after Spiller breaks the game open with his 72 yd touchdown run. Doubt? Who here ever doubted the Tigers? Not us!

And that concludes another episode of Dumb Shit on Tigernet. Please, as always, let me know if you find something stupid enough to make the post. I'm usually at The Rant.