30 October 2006


This week’s column again brings a special peek into the strange land of the Fighting Gamecock Forum and GCN. In this frightening forum one can witness a world where a national championship season is just a year away, your coach is brighter and more special than the Baby Jesus, your stadium looks nothing like an upside down cockroach, and your players brutish actions are easily excusable. This is a forum where if you post anything as a Clemson fan or question anything about Sakerlina, you will be immediately banninated. We joke sometimes about the proprietors of Tigernet being overly zealous in deleting of posts, but on FGF, they really don’t mess around.

I can’t sum up gamecock fandom any better than I did earlier this year:
FGF and Gamecock “football” in general are both a lot like Scientology. Both are pseudoscience bellied by smaller than reported fan bases of delusional quacks who keep out any outside influence that would shatter their false realities and gross misconceptions and treat outsiders who don’t drink their particular brand of Kool-Aid like enemies.

Yeah, because USC’s Gameday didn’t have dozens of anti-Clemson signs even prompting Fowler to say he wouldn’t stand to have Clemson badmouthed. We’re terribly insecure. That whole dominating the in-state rivalry basically, well, forever, that makes us super-insecure.

If you call culture 50 signs referencing “cocks” (not the animal) and about a dozen confederate flags waving amongst the flags of numerous other schools, sure, I guess they stepped right in a steaming pile of “culture.”

And nothing says “culture” like salivating over a washed up old wrestler/wife beater attending your game with some other quasi-famous hick.

Another Gameday sign idea: this is like the University of North Colorado petitioning the Tar Heels to stop using “their” acronym.

I’ve got news for you, cock, USC has cheated every bit as much as any national-title winning team in history and you’ve got 3 bowl wins all-time and a sub .500 record to show for it. Congrats. Also, if you read carefully into the post, you see Gamecock logic at work. “It’s actually a good thing we’re losers, it means we haven’t cheated! Yeah, that’s the ticket.”

A brave Tiger sets em straight, surely to be absolutely perma-banned from the board.

Trust me, there’s plenty of buying and selling going on around Willy-Brice, ask any Gamecock player. You may not find tickets, but you’ll forget you were ever looking for ‘em in the first place.

Now we get around to actually talking about the Tennessee game.

Dude, I won 3 national titles in a row with Duke on my 360. In football. It’s clearly not an accurate predictor of real world success.

Speaking of awful shitholes, I’m sorry about your daughter, buddy, but THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T SEND YOUR DAUGHTER TO USC. I wonder what position that robber plays? If she was in 5 Points after dark she was probably going to end up with a piece in her face at the end of the night anyway, at least this way she only lost her money and not her dignity.

It almost gives me hope for Carolina fans that one of them actually has the ability to take off the garnet-colored glasses and realize that they suck. Almost.

And another one…

As soon as I think Gamecock fans are starting to come out of their idiot-coma they go and post some shit like this. Look, I’m willing to admit that the SEC is a better football conference than the ACC, I’d be dumb not to, especially this year. That being said, this viewpoint expressed by the Sakerlina fan is based on the belief that just being in the SEC makes them a better team and somehow superior to Clemson. Ballyhooing one’s conference is usually reserved for those in said conference’s cellar. Also, please tell me you realize how ironic it is for this guy to call out NCSU’s stalled turnaround. I seem to remember a certain diminutive former golden-domer who was supposed to bring SEC and national titles to Columbia. How’d that work out? That’s okay, SOS is going to help them turn the corner, they’re knocking at the door, they’re just a year away, etc. etc. insert overly-optimistic football cliché comment here.

At least the last guy wasn’t quite this delusional.

Yet another moral victory for Carolina fans!

The type of fan behavior that would turn off the kind of recruits USC goes after wouldn’t so much fall under bottle throwing and chanting profanities. I think they’d be more turned off by things like reading and discipline.

When I think Gamecock fans, I think class!

That's all I can stomach for now.