13 September 2006

Southern Football Fan Art: Second Helping

So, it's been a while, but lets break out the old easel and see what's going on in the Football Fan Art spectrum.

Oh lord. Where do we start. I guess the artist was trying to capture fan reaction after a touchdown at a Pitt v. West Virginia game. I mean, the history between these schools is so great that I'm surprised that she painted it before anybody else did. I think we can all agree that when these two schools clash it is a battle for the ages... with about 55,000 people in attendance. I guess we could start by mentioning the fact that most of those "WV Dad" and "WV Mom" shirts could be changed to "WV Cousin/Spouse"... I'm actually surprised to see that the artist forgot to add in the whiskey vomit stains on all the WV fans shirts. If this picture were a little realistic, the mood of it wouldn't even be focused on the excitement of the touchdown, but rather the joy of spitting on and beating up the Pitt fans trapped in this gaggle of inbreds. There are a few places that I'd never want to be and they are as follows: Trapped in a cell with a grizzly bear; An elderly woman's panties; A WV game in section other than that designated for my team. For that matter, a WV game at all.

I think the only appropriate reaction in this painting is that of the Pitt fans looking at their tickets. "Oh my fucking god, we're going to be murdered/lynched/crushed by a burning couch."
I'd also like to point out the black guy, top left. A few points here:

  • The only black people that go to WV are probably just the athletes.
  • The only people that go to WV that have fade haircuts are the white rednecks that think they are black. You usually see these people driving to campus in their tricked out 92 Honda Civics or their makeshift Mitsubishi trucks. The reason this black gentleman was painted with a 1992 era fade haircut is that the only time this WVU fan/artist had ever seen a black man in person (not wearing a helmet) was this one time he visited his aunt in Chicago during the Reebok Pump era and was in awe at the fanciful haircuts these people sported when not wearing a Ridell. This experience has stuck with him up to now.
While we're on that side of the picture, if you look closely, it seems as though the women beside the black guy is holding the Pitt woman by the shirt while the woman behind the Pitt fan is gearing up for a good club punch right in the back of the noggin. The WV Mom in the bright yellow sweatshirt... is that a release of emotions that signifies excitement or sheer terror? The sister-kissing redneck standing beside the black guy with his hands cupped is probably about to direct his profanities about 90 degrees to his left.

How would this look in a house? Chili says he would put it right above his toilet since he's used to seeing that sort of reaction when he whips the ol hog leg out. I would imagine a rat nest of a shanty house and this painting would be hung in the only clean room in the house, a room thats sole purpose is to be dedicated to WV football. It would be one of those pseudo trophy rooms where the Banjo Player... errr... WV fan of this house has all of the teams accomplishments dusted everyday so that he may live vicariously through Rich Rodriguez and have daydreams about being a Mountaineer Football player. And of course, a dirty couch soaked in gasoline just in case.