DISCUSS AMONGST YOURSELVES

DFIG reader Harper submitted 3 really good questions he suggested I post for discussion.

1) What is the best college football program to never have won an AP or a UPI/Coaches Poll national title? (not this depression era 6-0-1 shit)

2) What is the best team (single season) to not win the title?

3) Who is the hardest/thuggest Clemson football player ever?

Harper's answers were UCLA (maybe), Miami '02, and Duane Coleman/Brian Dawkins/Leroy Hill.

Discuss this in comments or over at The Rant messageboards.

"We was robbed in '02, mang." (not pictured: rollerblades)

BASKETBALL DOES WORK, SON

Although the wheels nearly fell off the bus in the final few seconds, the basketball team was able to swallow down what would have been a huge choke and beat a very skilled and scrappy Air Force team. "We're just trying to drive ESPN's ratings up," Purnell joked afterwards. I believe that our boys showed more heart and desire to win a game last night since losing to Duke in Cameron earlier this year. O.P. commented, "All of our guys made big plays down the stretch to hold them off...I thought we really showed some mental toughness and the desire to win this thing." What really made me beam was that we actually had some smart fouls and weren't afraid to be rough when Air Force tried to stick us with picks and double screens. The refs did let a lot of things fly, mainly the elbows we were throwing and the moving picks that Tim Anderson kept making, although to give him credit, he did a great job getting away with them.

K.C. Rivers tallied 19 points including a few very clutch free throws in the final minutes to keep the Tigers in a comfortable lead. He also shot the three like we were used to seeing him shoot it. Trevor Booker also added 13 points, but wasn't as impressive as he usually was, but did show tremendous power inside and made some great passes. I was disappointed when he turned the ball over after accidentally breaking a piece of his elbow off into Nick Welch's face. Cliff Hammonds and his funky "elbow sticks out like a turd in a punch bowl" shot racked up 11 points and made some lights out threes along with Rivers. Although he did terrible with his free throw attempts, Vernon Hamilton played all out and gave a very good effort for our team. James Mays continues to play like he's in a church league and we definitely don't need that in Madison Square Garden.

I didn't like the announcers one bit. First of all, they did the ol' "Clemzin" thing again. Secondly, one of the announcers couldn't pronounce a "-ice" or "s" sound without it sounding like "-sh". I know that's trivial, but it really got annoying after the first hour. Lastly, it was damn obvious who they wanted to win. That was definitely not Clemson. Ok, yeah, they did the cutesy steal the towel boys mop and help wipe up thing, and the obligatory senior player breaks his face in what could be his last game as a collegiate player and makes a "heroic" comeback, but c'mon. Their acting performance throughout the entire game was impeccable. Especially during the last few minutes when Vernon Hamilton was just posting up and barely touched Matt McCraw and the guy did a somersault on his own then got up as if Vernon had just clotheslined him Hulk Hogan style. I know it's great that they're in a service academy and I respect them for making the decision to commit part of their time after college graduation to serving our country, but I don't need to hear about it through the entire game. And I don't appreciate the fact that the announcers kinda made the Tigers out to be the bad guys of the game.

The last thing I'd like to touch on is that Oliver Purnell has had trouble controlling game tempo and calling time outs at appropriate times all season and he finally pegged it in this game. Not only did we control the tempo for the majority of the game, but I believe we led the entire time if memory serves me correctly, even having our lead extended to 13 in the second half.

I would like to congratulate Air Force coach Jeff Bzdelik (had to check it like six times) for three things. First, for having an impossible last name. Secondly, for looking like a human genome experiment between Nick Saban and Dabo Swinney. And lastly, for turning around what has to have been one of the worst basketball programs in the NCAA for the past two or three decades.

Our guys will face West Virginia this Thursday at 7pm. Let's just hope we can show up for just one more game and once again solidify that the State of South Carolina is the home of average basketball (excluding Winthrop).

Only two teams remain, let's hope we're not the one that crashes and burns.

STILL SOUR ABOUT THE MUSIC CITY BOWL

Here's a shitty little present for Kentucky's shitty fans.

DSOT 15

Dumb Shit on TigerNet: Volume 15

Art Garfunkel: HUGE Clemson fan.

Lack of dumb posts is certainly not the reason for the length of time it’s taken me to gather my latest batch of duds from TigerNet. The delay has more to do with just how exhausting it is to peruse the site sometimes, the fact that I don’t want to run the bit into the ground (maybe too late), and hell, I just didn’t feel like it.

The morning of the ACC tourney opened with such hope. The cadence count on TigerNet, as I’ve said before, is just the dumbest, most jingoistic, hacky, pointwhorish thing you can do. At least sometimes they are aborted like this one.

Clemson was pretty much jobbed at the end of the FSU game, about everyone agrees on that.

Did you think that was going to be funny? Do all the guys at the truck stop guffaw at old lines like that? Spit their biscuits and gravy up? Drop their meth spoons and shit their Dickies?

It was so hilarious the first time; why not roll it out again?

JCarsonCUTigers just ripped off your witty and original line.

Apparently the Reverend Al Sharpton posts under the handle 629tiger.

This guy doesn’t believe in an ACC conspiracy… oh wait, he does, he’s just thinks it’s even craftier than the most nutjob of Loose Change fans on TigerNet.

Sometimes you see a post so incoherent and rambling that you just sort of stare at the screen with your mouth hanging open. This is one of those.

The anger starts to set in from the FSU loss. Clemson fans, as all fans do, get creative with their denigration of the officials.

Here’s another buttfucking-centric post.

Ass all over the place.

Of course you can always go over their head and blame the entire National Collegiate Athletic Association.

Or you can be a complete dumbfuck and go and shit on a player who has done nothing but give four years of his life to your sports team. I’m not saying you can’t criticize the players (see Proctor, Will) but take it easy.

I don’t even know if this guy is mad. Maybe he just knows that caps lock is cruise control for cool.

A Sakerlina fan attempts to show solidarity with the dumber of our fans. Should we really flee from our conference because we can’t make the NCAA Tournament like they did 30+ years ago? Don’t be a dope.

Maybe a little odd, but I pretty much agree with both sentiments.

At least this guy is honest. I saw posts from this same guy saying he didn’t think McRoberts would be drafted at all (he’ll go late first round, but if you don’t think he’s going to be drafted at all you really don’t know basketball from a fuckin hole in the ground) and another post amazed that the clock doesn’t start on an inbound pass until someone inbounds touches the ball… durrrr…

Hey, let’s run a metaphor into the ground.

I AM SUPERFAN. DARE YOU CHALLENGE MY SUPREMACY? Baseball fan? Shit. I sleep in the batting cages. I get high off the smell of pine tar. I once made love to a catcher’s mitt. Not a metaphor. An actual catcher’s mitt. Dude was pissed. It was the middle of a game. Seriously. Fan? Gimmie a break.

I am shocked – SHOCKED – that a Division 1 football program would dare recruit a player of ill repute just because he held great athletic prowess!

Perhaps not proof that ‘recruiting gurus’ are retards, but definitely proof that they have poor grammar. Oh, nevermind, he’s just a UGA fan. It’s pretty admirable for a leghumper, actually.

(LATE) THURSDAY NEWS & RECOMMENDATIONS

News

Clemson defeated Syracuse 74-70, sending the Tigers to NYC to play in Madison Square Garden and assuring a Palmetto state team reaches the NIT Final Four three years in a row. Littlejohn was home to a raucous crowd of 10,000, a fantastic attendance number for a game played during Spring Break. Congrats Tiger Basketball team.

Tubby Smith left the University of Kentucky today to dart off to Minnesota. Tubby had four years left on his contract, and coached for 10 solid years, though he never echoed the success he had in winning the NCAA tourney in 1998 with Rick Pitino's players. I don't know who UK will go after next, but it is a huge job sure to attract top coaches who don't mind rabid Kentucky mountain men breathing down their neck. I've heard Wildcat fans mention greasers Pitino and Donovan, along with bagman Thad Matta.

Josh McRoberts announced today that he'll enter the NBA Draft. His stock has dropped since last year when he was projected as a lottery pick. This year he'll be late first round, early second round material and will go the way of Duke early defectors like William Avery and Shavlik Randolph. NBADraft.net projects him 18th to the 76ers, which would make sense since fellow Dukie Billy King is GM over dere and they took a chance on another lanky white Devil; Shav.

UNC's Butch Davis is undergoing chemotherapy for a growth discovered on his gums. Here's to a speedy recovery.

Recommendations

It's just me this week, and I'll focus on some of my favorite websites not involving hardcore pornography.

ACC Basketblog - This blog covers, as impartially as possible, the world of ACC basketball. They do a great job spreading info out on every team in the league and do cover other sports during their respective seasons. The comments section gets as lively as any blog I've seen, and most commenters know their stuff, except for some random WVU mouthbreather who's attached himself to the site. If you want the lowdown on the best league in basketball, check these guys out.

The Rant - Sports & other stuff, uncensored. I love this place even though it is populated largely by UGA fans. There are boards for most D1 teams, your standard non-sports boards, eyecandy boards, and games to bet on each week with virtual cash. Not to mention dozens of fun flash games. It's a tremendous alternative to Tigernet, CUTigers.com, or any other board policed by those who take themselves way to seriously. It's sort of Willy Mac's and my postgame hangout. Please, fellow Clemson fans, join up, even the numbers against the leg humpers.

Okay, now for some non-sports sites.

EZTV - This is the torrent site for television shows. Shows are posted immediately after airing and sometimes earlier, and you usually get a choice of HD or SD flavors. Pick up some episodes of Rome if you don't get HBO (if you did, you'd watch it, right??), or The Riches, a show about Irish Travelers those of us who've been through the North Augusta area are familiar with starring witty cross dresser Eddie Izzard. If you download a reality show I won't be your friend.

Hacking NetFlix - I like NetFlix, but this guy loves it. He'll clean out your ears with his NetFlix queue tips. (sorry) Enough to write a whole blog about the site itself, the company's policies on everything from vacations to damaged discs, and of course the heated battle between NetFlix and the evil Blockbuster empire. This site introduced me to FlixQueue, a program for managing your NetFlix queue from your desktop that is far more convenient than using the site itself.

Engadget - I love gadgets and this site is the source for all the latest gear news. With the consumer electronics show CeBIT going on now in Germany, this is the first place to find out about the new bone-conducting phone/PDA/MP3 player you've gotta have.

That's all I've got for this week.

CLEMSON BIG WIGS FINALLY MAKE A GOOD FOOTBALL DECISION

Letter sent to the Student body reads verbatim:

Clemson's Administrative Council has approved a change in the 2007 holiday schedule to accommodate the Tigers' Labor Day football match-up with the Florida State Seminoles.

The Monday, Sept. 3, game -- to be nationally televised on ESPN -- will kick off at 8 p.m. To alleviate some of the challenges inherent in a weekday football game, Clemson will observe a university holiday on that day with no classes and offices closed.

This is NOT an additional holiday, but rather a reassignment of existing holidays. Based on recommendations of a faculty/staff/student task force appointed by President Jim Barker, these adjustments have been made:

Academic Fall Break for students/faculty was originally scheduled for Oct. 15, 16

-- Monday, Oct. 15, will remain a holiday
-- Tuesday, Oct. 16, classes will meet, and the holiday will be observed on Labor Day, Sept. 3

Fall Break for staff was originally scheduled for Oct. 15
-- Monday, Oct. 15, offices will be open, and the holiday will be observed on Labor Day, Sept. 3

Staff who previously selected Sept. 3, 2007, as their optional holiday should logon the leave system and select another date. Any leave that has not yet passed, even if it has been approved by a supervisor, can be changed at either the employee or supervisor level.

As with Saturday football games, essential personnel will be required to work on the Sept. 3 holiday. These arrangements will be worked out between employees and supervisors.

"As we saw last year when ESPN's College GameDay came to Clemson for the Georgia Tech game, this Labor Day evening game will be a great opportunity to showcase Clemson University," said Clemson Athletic Director Terry Don Phillips. "It will bring great exposure for the university as we strive to become a Top 20 national public university."

Also, apologies for not posting that much this week as I've been on Spring Break and Chili has been gearing up for a move. Although you can check out the recap of last nights stellar basketball game here.

NYC HERE WE COME! GO TIGERS!

SPRING PRACTICE RUMORATION

- The AD/IPTAY grapevine has edjumahcated me that Willy Korn has jumped from fourth on the depth chart to second in line. I knew things would get interesting, just not this soon. Oh yeah, and expect a barrage of excuses and denials from Bowden on the subject, but this info is pretty credible and solid. Expect Tigernet bandwith explosion in five... four... three...

I wonder how fast it takes for Bowden to throw Cullen Harper completely under the bus.

SCOT POLLARD WANTS YOUR KID HIGH

Scot Pollard completely sober.

"Hey kids, do drugs."
This was the message NBA oddity Scot (yes, only one "t") Pollard voiced to a camera roving the bench during a timeout in a recent game. 0.7 points per game, and one hell of a role model. Keep digging deep, Scot.

THURSDAY NEWS & RECOMMENDATIONS

NEWS

- Last night our basketball squad was able to hold off a less than mediocre East Tennessee State team in a half hearted, brick-laden performance at home. About 3,100 people were attendance and the Tigers played without any heart whatsoever. If it wasn't for a few key shots and my man Trevor Booker having a double-double, I don't think we woulda won it. We played a bad team way too close. We're a top seed and they were a bottom seed and we had no business being tied with them most of the game. Next Monday we host Ole Miss at 7 pm. Recap.

The Rally Cats are once again officially the best part of the basketball season.

- On a better note, our baseball team looked in good form last night after beating Georgia Southern last night, 3-0. That gives us a 11 - 4 overall record. The score doesn't do the game any justice cause we absolutely drilled GSU. Kopp, Zoltak, Clyne, and Moskos all had great outings as GSU could only manage three hits. Straight from the horse's mouth, Widmann is still uncertain about his future and is continuing to see doctors about surgery on his neck.

- Word on the street is that Nick Watkins hasn't been going to class and as a result he's being suspended from spring practice by Bowden. This hasn't been confirmed and this is just what I've heard through the AD grapevine. But just remember, you heard it here first.

- Well things are getting bleak around here. Not much to write about and we're starting to get the itch. You know, that "Holy shit when is football season going to come" itch. Just last Tuesday I had to talk Chili down from the fire escape ladder. He kept speaking in unintelligible verbiage but I did catch something about "Adam Yauch", "Bubble screens", and "the rat speaking to the eagle"... i dont' know, you got me. We're trying to get over things, but the Spring Game on April 14th is only going to make the itch worse. I've been contemplating barracading myself in my own apartment until Labor Day, but my doctor advised against it. If anybody else has kind of lost touch with reality like Chili and I have, we have our own support group in the form of this forum on The Rant. Please sign up and perhaps we can get through this thing together. Think about it, where else are you gonna go, the Tigernet? Let's just hope that this baseball season is saturated with plenty of booze, burgers, and wins.

Recommendations

Willy Mac:

Cuba Cologne - Definitely one of the best purchases I've made in the past six months. Found it at a local cowboy boot and hat store, but you can order straight off the net as well. It's sort of a heavier cologne used for clearing the air after smoking a cigar. Personally, I like the after smell of cigars, but I like the scent that this provides as well, plus the ladies like it also. It's great for a smokey bar or club, too. What I like best about it is that the bottle itself is shaped like a cigar so if you are taking a two-fer cigar carrying pouch or pocket and just want to smoke just one stick, you can take this along very easily.

Jameson's Gold Special Reserve Irish Whiskey - Going with the St. Patti's theme for this weekend, if you want a nice, smooth sipping whiskey to get things started off right this weekend, this is a good bet. It's a good dollar to throw down on an irish whiskey, but well worth every penny. It's decently hard to find, but I'm sure most major liquor outlets carry it. I'll take mine with a splash of water to open up the taste and a twist of lime to change things up a bit.

Chili:

Don't fuck with the Irish.

The Wind that Shakes the Barley - With St. Patrick's Day around the corner, it's only fitting to review this film about the early 20th century Irish bid for independence that'll teach you more about your Irish heritage than a dozen pints of Guinness. Rolling out in a limited release this Friday, the film won Best Picture at Cannes and borrows its title from a ballad by Robert Joyce about a similar rebellion a century earlier. While I won't go into the historical parallels between this and our current affair in Iraq, one can certainly draw conclusions of their own as to why this story of an outnumbered home force fighting for independence against an occupying imperialist force is still so relevant today. Regardless of modern political baggage, this looks to be an incredible and moving film. If you're crafty you may be able to snag it from a filesharing site as it was released overseas last year.

The Tony Kornheiser Show - Mr. Tony, half of PTI, has his own daily radio show out of Washington, syndicated on FM and on XM 144. David Aldridge is usually the co-host, along with some chick who's more annoying than helpful. The banter isn't anything outrageous and doesn't dig too deep into sports minutiae, but sprinkles in pop culture, wining and dining, and Tony's obsession with American Idol. There's something endearing about this nebbish old sports writer extolling his love of bracket busters and dark horse reality show contestants, subscribe to the podcast and give it a shot.

*DEJECTED SIGH*

Awww, shit... that's my only thought after sitting at work listening to Clemson blow a lead (with a lot of help from the refs) to a team they swept in the regular season in a game considered a must win. Clemson continued to not be able to play 40 minutes of basketball, continued to get short shrift from the zebras, and continued their downward spiral into the NIT tournament. Pat Forde sums it up as well as anyone can over at ESPN.

James Mays was nowhere to be found (3 pts, 5 rebounds, 3 fouls), and it seemed the Tigers turned the ball over at the worst possible times (is there a good time?). It was the Clemson endgame we've come to witness since our 7-1 football team began their nosedive and the 17-0 basketball team did them one better. Dare I mention the baseball team that has looked much worse than advertised of late? I'm not wanting to come off too needy, I don't need a top 10 season in every sport to keep being a fan. This season was one of the most fun I've had watching Clemson football and basketball, despite their endings that only R. Bud Dwyer could love. I would just like a little consistency.

Frankly, I'm not crying over Clemson not being in the real tournament. A team that starts 17-0 only to absolutely bite it and go 4-10 for the second half of the season doesn't deserve such a privilege. Not to say I wouldn't like to see them in. Remember how fun that tournament run a decade or so was, even when watching Minnesota slip by in 2OT? Regardless of how poorly the Tigers ended this season, I'm still looking forward to the 07-08 campaign, but if we start 17-0, I'm not gonna get my hopes up.

R. Bud Dwyer showing off his patented "Clemson Basketball" finishing move.

THURSDAY NEWS & RECOMMENDATIONS

News

- #6 Baseball beats #17 Coastal Carolina. The Tigers are now 8-3 after being jacked up by Sakerlina over the weekend. Still no definite word on Widmann's injuries. One plus is that P. J. Zocchi (2.70 ERA, 2 - 0) gave a stellar pitching performance, now if he can just do the same thing on the weekends. Chalk (an astounding .429 batting average on the season) and Smith (a respectable .333 on the season) both went 3 for 4. Taylor Harbin tacked on two doubles and an RBI. The Tigers had 11 hits total.

- Our basketball team is gearing up for the most wide-open ACC Tourney in years, Clemson plays Florida State today at noon in an important matchup for the Tigers' tournament hopes. According to most bracket pundits the Tigers need to beat FSU and show up against UNC to secure an at-large bid. The Sporting Gnomes have a good preview over on their site.

- ESPN has a spring football blurb about each team in the ACC. They mention this position... I think it's.. um... quarterback? I haven't heard of that position in a couple years, so I'm not real familiar with it.


Recommendations

Chili:

Oooh.... shiny....

Dynamism.com - This site, specializing in "next generation Japanese notebook and gadget technology," is the place to go if you want to be the first kid on the block with the latest cell phone or gadget. If you buy a cell phone from Verizon or Cingular, it usually comes crippled with some form of DRM, meaning if you want to put your own music or videos on there, you have to pay for them at whatever rate your provider charges. One of the advantages of buying a phone from Dynamism is that it comes with none of these restrictions. I got a pretty cool Samsung phone last year that was only available in Japan, Dynamism provided me with English language manuals and American plugs for the power charger as well as a solid warranty. I put whatever I want on my phone, and a bonus is that I don't have a RAZR like every ham and egger out there. Make sure you get a phone that is compatible with American networks so you can pop your Cingular or T-Moblie SIM card in and get going. The site isn't limited to phones, it has sushi shaped flash drives, silent-clicking mice, hand held PCs, and the obligatory Japanese Hello Kitty shit.




Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! - Someone described this show as "great, but I kinda wanna take a shower after I watch it." Pretty spot-on. It's a variety show featuring nonsensical skits and intentionally douche-chill inducing karaoke. Guest stars such as Weird Al, John C. Reilly, Bob Odenkirk, and more pepper this show from the creators of Tom Goes to the Mayor. Some people might not get it, it's kind of a love it or hate it thing. Check out some YouTube videos of Tim & Eric here, here, and here.

Willy Mac:

Black Donnellys - This show is great. It manages to mix the right amount of humor with drama. It really reminds me of an Irish version of the Sopranos. People said it had terrible Nielson ratings, but I don't know why. If you've missed the first two episodes, you can catch it either for free from NBC or not so free on iTunes.

iSquint (Mac) or Super © (PC) - I finally got the whole transferring non-iTunes purchased videos *Cough, Cough, porn, Cough* to my video iPod and to my iTunes. Both of these programs are free, so don't hold back. Also, if you missed the Rant argument about the subject, here it is. Not like I coulda gone to the Tigernet for help with this one. Last time I checked, those mid-life crisis pedos are still oogling Rendrick pictures and sweating over recruiting and spring football stuff. Also, big ups to PissedOffMofo for the help on this one.

EVA WANTS YOU...

...to join our Yahoo! Sports Tournament Pick'em league. Go here. Enter group ID # 44825, password: evamendes.

STEPHEN GARCIA... THE SECOND COMING OF STEVE TANNEYHILL?

It seems that our mulleted friend at USC can't seem to stay out of trouble (Big thanks to Fesser for the link). Although he is currently indefinitely suspended, I can only hope that this kid gets back on the team and continues to push the envelope. We all already know that Sakerlina is a window of life imitating art via The Program, so it's only a matter of weeks before he gets back on the team.

At around 5:20 yesterday evening, according to the report filed by Thomas Cooper Library circulation supervisor, Josh Smith, a “tall guy” was seen “keying” a car that was parked on Greene Street near the library fountain. Once campus police were called, the report states that they were “taken down to level 2 after the victim/witness identified the suspect as Stephen Garcia (football player).”

At first, no charges were filed, but then he was arrested and hit with a "mailicious injury to personal property under $1,000" charge, as can be explained in this article.

Stephen Garcia to star on FX's new reality show
"Pros vs. Joes... that never made it" this fall.

FOOTBALL FAN ART, V. 3

To the old hangers on of DFIG, of course you know about my fan art posts. For the newer readers, welcome to my recurring post. Chili has his DSOT, and I have my less funny, not as frequent or popular, Football Fan Art post. This is probably one of the few corners of the internet that someone actually dedicates a segmented amount of their website to critiquing art that has been painted by crazed, invalid football fans. These paintings are mostly bought by similar rabid crazies of a team's fan base and is either hung in the bonus room, or in Ohio State's case, above the air conditioning unit inside the trailer so the pesky, mulleted neighbors can't take it without it being obvious. Here is my first review of a UF glory days painting... that was before anyone had any idea that they were going to go to the Natty this year and skull-f*ck Ohio State right into the stratosphere. My second review is that of the WVU type... which means it was a painting filled with mostly escapees of the West Virginia Office of Behavioral Health Services and State Mental Health Agency.

This week we're taking an in depth look at two, yeah I said it, TWO WHOLE Ohio State works of art. If you know me, then you know I don't like Ohio State. If you know Tully, then you know that Tully likes the Buckeyes, just one factor that plays in the giant equation of Tully's suckitude. So let's take a scientific approach to this. First let's review what we already know about Ohio State. The university itself is a pretty good institution, being ranked 19th in public universities and 57th overall for colleges in America. But when it comes to it's fanbase, whoo boy... sit down for this. OSU has one of the widest and worst fan bases in the world. In the w-w-w-er-r-r-r-el-duh. With a current student enrollment of close to 52,000 people, it shouldn't be too hard for fans to be connected academically to Ohio State, but too many times it usually proves not to be the case. Also, OSU fans tend to have a penchant for trashiness, rioting, violence, being noted underground white rappers, accosting fans of visiting teams, $100 handshakes, just getting real damn drunk, and the other taglines that follow a college football powerhouse. I'm sorry if this is a bit overkill, but I just don't like Ohio State... sorry Tully. Their fans draw a striking resemblance to USC fans, except for that one little factor... OSU actually has something to brag about. Not only do they have something, they have a lot.

"If that was a Michigan coed, she'd be sipping from under the table." - Chili

Hmm, this picture screams traditional Ohio State fan to me. T-shirt, jeans, backwards hat, cheap haircut at all hours of the day. Hanging out with friends? At a club? Family reunion? Job interview? Sunday morning church? Family Funeral? Masturbating in a public library? Never fear, for in Ohio you're bound to find someone rocking out these digs inappropriately at formal events and functions. Speaking of sipping, there is a distinct probability that what they are drinking is not a milkshake... or what they call a "malt" up there. More than likely, these two love birds are on their seventh fully loaded long island. After they finish this one, he'll probably look lovingly (or aggressively with a hint of rape) into her eyes and say something akin to "Hey bitch, I really like ya f*ckin' eyes n' sh*t." More importantly, why is this picture news worthy? What could this picture possibly relate with anything so pertinent that The Buckeye Evening Post had to run a story on it? Lastly, I have drawn pictures in the snow with my piss that mean more than this worthless waste of paint.

You know what, people think that Jim Tressel is classy for wearing sweatervests at games. And you know what, if you're an Ohio State fan probably thinks that wearing a free Nike sweatervest at games with a cheap dress shirt (sleeves rolled up) is a great fashion statement. Oh, and the Dickies just top it off. I like the guy, and I think he has done wonders with the program over there, so much so that it inspires a terrible jealous rage down in my gullot. It's least a nice coat/tie/shirt combo. Come on, S & K got ya pinching your pennies? I know that's not the case there, moneybags. Also, why so angry in the top left. Try to smile a little, its good for the soul and the heart. Honestly, if you take a step back and forget that this is Jim Tressel, he kinda looks like he has a bit of downs... just a bit. Lastly, I never realized the little pudge Jimbo seems to be packin there. Time to hit the treadmill pal, you're in the national spotlight and you're around weights and work-out equipment all day long.

PAC-MAN JONES FINALLY APOLOGIZES

Courtesy of SomethingAwful.com, Pac-Man Jones finally puts all the talk of his run-ins with the law to rest with his heartfelt confession "I Am Very Regretful of All the Misunderstandings Regarding the Incidents." He makes a pretty good point when he states, "First let me ask you a question. If a white man in a suit walks into an establishment with a briefcase containing 81,000 dollars nobody thinks it's anything unusual, but when a black man walks into an establishment with 81,000 in a backpack and he throws it up in the air all of a sudden everybody think you can just put all that money in a trash bag and walk up out of the club like it's yours. Now my question is, isn't that pretty messed up?"

He later goes on to refute claims that he brutalized a stripper in the post-NBA All-Star Game incident: FALSE. I do admit to pulling on her hair but only as a means of friendly redirection. As for the crazy ho putting her face into the stage, do I look like a motherfucking buttress? I am not responsible for her stability. If a nigga pulls on her hair in a polite way and she falls over that's not a crime that's just clumsiness. That's not even a penalty.

THURSDAY NEWS & RECOMMENDATIONS

NEWS

- Basketball beats Miami,but just barely and much in the same sloppy, non-aggressive fashion that we have gotten used to. A few things were solidified here, however: Raymond Sykes is awesome at blocking shots. James "Usually reapplies to Clemson in" Mays finally got it together in the classroom and made it to the end of the year, good lookin' out big fella. Speaking of Sykes and Mays, they need to workout with the defensive line on the football team to get big and mean. Trevor Booker is a mean and aggressive dude who is going to leave a huge set of shoes to fill when he graduates. Lastly, watching K.C. Rivers shoot threes used to be fun and automatic, now I'd rather have staples removed from my skull.

- The Tiger Baseball team rallied to beat a good Winthrop team. I'm glad we actually pulled this one off. Yet again, our pitching is still suspect, but that's expected February and March. Also, our big sticks pulled us out of a jam yet again. Thank the stars and Danny Ford's influence on the cosmos that we convinced this guy to come to Clemson.

- The Spring Football game has been set for April 14th. I've been meaning to tell you since I see it every time I go in the ticket office, but I guess the CUAD website beat me to it. Oh well, now you know.

- Hamlin, Rendrick have surgery on there feetses and all goes well... old news unless you've been hiding under a rock. If you're too lazy to click the link, they both are in boots till next month and should miss part of spring practice but are still doing strength training with the team. Hamlin might miss more of spring, possibly the game. Both are scheduled to be healthy hosses for the opening day of practice in the fall.

- Travis Storrer finally gets some ink to paper on a minor league baseball contract and settles down in Chillicothe, Ohio. Here is the low-down a la the Chillicothe website. I'm happy for the guy cause he really worked his butt off for us and is one of the main reasons that we got to the big dance. I think he's gonna go places and make it out of the farm leagues.

- Bad news for Clemson fans, Jim Grobe just signed a ten year extension on his contract with Wake. This is kinda unbelievable that Wake has the chance to have a football legacy in the ACC. If you woulda told me that the Deacs would win the ACC championship three or four years ago, I would have laughed at you and probably would have tripped you up during a serious presentation of some sort just to spite you for having that opinion.

RECOMMENDATIONS

- David Burke's Flavor Sprays - Burke is a world renowned chef based out of New York who has come up with these sprays that help you cut out the stuff you can't have on a diet. He was recently on a Ron & Fez show (XM 202, Noon - 3pm) plugging these sprays and apparently, it's like tasting the real thing. I've heard personally from others that have tried it that it really does taste like the flavor on the bottle and not just some cheap knock-off that you'd find elsewhere. Also, these sprays are diet and diabetic friendly. Also check out his gourmet pops. I can tell you first hand that they are great.

- Peter Millar - Website - They have a great selection of shirts, pants, shorts, vests, and ties for their spring line. Nice uses of greens and blues. Give it a shot, if you don't like it or if it isn't bright enough for you, theres always TailorByrd to fall back on, however they are putting out some weird, darker colors for spring. I can half expect Chili to make some joke about how I like shirts with "perty colors" and he'll probably take a jab at my slow-wittedness. So there, I'll go ahead and get it out of the way.