05 March 2007


To the old hangers on of DFIG, of course you know about my fan art posts. For the newer readers, welcome to my recurring post. Chili has his DSOT, and I have my less funny, not as frequent or popular, Football Fan Art post. This is probably one of the few corners of the internet that someone actually dedicates a segmented amount of their website to critiquing art that has been painted by crazed, invalid football fans. These paintings are mostly bought by similar rabid crazies of a team's fan base and is either hung in the bonus room, or in Ohio State's case, above the air conditioning unit inside the trailer so the pesky, mulleted neighbors can't take it without it being obvious. Here is my first review of a UF glory days painting... that was before anyone had any idea that they were going to go to the Natty this year and skull-f*ck Ohio State right into the stratosphere. My second review is that of the WVU type... which means it was a painting filled with mostly escapees of the West Virginia Office of Behavioral Health Services and State Mental Health Agency.

This week we're taking an in depth look at two, yeah I said it, TWO WHOLE Ohio State works of art. If you know me, then you know I don't like Ohio State. If you know Tully, then you know that Tully likes the Buckeyes, just one factor that plays in the giant equation of Tully's suckitude. So let's take a scientific approach to this. First let's review what we already know about Ohio State. The university itself is a pretty good institution, being ranked 19th in public universities and 57th overall for colleges in America. But when it comes to it's fanbase, whoo boy... sit down for this. OSU has one of the widest and worst fan bases in the world. In the w-w-w-er-r-r-r-el-duh. With a current student enrollment of close to 52,000 people, it shouldn't be too hard for fans to be connected academically to Ohio State, but too many times it usually proves not to be the case. Also, OSU fans tend to have a penchant for trashiness, rioting, violence, being noted underground white rappers, accosting fans of visiting teams, $100 handshakes, just getting real damn drunk, and the other taglines that follow a college football powerhouse. I'm sorry if this is a bit overkill, but I just don't like Ohio State... sorry Tully. Their fans draw a striking resemblance to USC fans, except for that one little factor... OSU actually has something to brag about. Not only do they have something, they have a lot.

"If that was a Michigan coed, she'd be sipping from under the table." - Chili

Hmm, this picture screams traditional Ohio State fan to me. T-shirt, jeans, backwards hat, cheap haircut at all hours of the day. Hanging out with friends? At a club? Family reunion? Job interview? Sunday morning church? Family Funeral? Masturbating in a public library? Never fear, for in Ohio you're bound to find someone rocking out these digs inappropriately at formal events and functions. Speaking of sipping, there is a distinct probability that what they are drinking is not a milkshake... or what they call a "malt" up there. More than likely, these two love birds are on their seventh fully loaded long island. After they finish this one, he'll probably look lovingly (or aggressively with a hint of rape) into her eyes and say something akin to "Hey bitch, I really like ya f*ckin' eyes n' sh*t." More importantly, why is this picture news worthy? What could this picture possibly relate with anything so pertinent that The Buckeye Evening Post had to run a story on it? Lastly, I have drawn pictures in the snow with my piss that mean more than this worthless waste of paint.

You know what, people think that Jim Tressel is classy for wearing sweatervests at games. And you know what, if you're an Ohio State fan probably thinks that wearing a free Nike sweatervest at games with a cheap dress shirt (sleeves rolled up) is a great fashion statement. Oh, and the Dickies just top it off. I like the guy, and I think he has done wonders with the program over there, so much so that it inspires a terrible jealous rage down in my gullot. It's least a nice coat/tie/shirt combo. Come on, S & K got ya pinching your pennies? I know that's not the case there, moneybags. Also, why so angry in the top left. Try to smile a little, its good for the soul and the heart. Honestly, if you take a step back and forget that this is Jim Tressel, he kinda looks like he has a bit of downs... just a bit. Lastly, I never realized the little pudge Jimbo seems to be packin there. Time to hit the treadmill pal, you're in the national spotlight and you're around weights and work-out equipment all day long.