06 October 2007


In honor of playing Virginia Tech today, we're reposting the legendary Neck Bubble post. Again, we're not proud of it, but we damned sure aren't sorry for posting it.

Before we get around to previewing the VT game tomorrow, we've got to get something off our chests and just destroy a joke before it grows. Frank Beamer has a neckbubble, and this is a post about it. Brainstorming out loud, beginning.... now.
EDSBS calls it Jenkins, and says it’s similar to Krang of TMNT fame.
- I think it’s Kuato from Total Recall.

- It’s an alien.
- It’s a sac of baby spiders.
- I bet when he gets angry it kinda swells up and pulsates, but you have to be really close to him to see it undulating, like when he met with Marcus Vick to tell him he was being bounced from the team it just pulsated like there was a second heart inside of it and you could kinda see veins directly underneath the skin. And before it rains it kind of gets harder and is more tumor-like in feel.
- It jiggles like Michael J. Fox in a paint shaker in an earthquake whenever a snowstorm is about to hit Blacksburg.
- Before VT players run onto the field they rub Frank's Neckbubble.
- He got it after he slept with Holly Rowe.
- It always points to magnetic north.
- It’s a piece of uneaten turkey that he never wiped off after succumbing to its tryptophan and dozing off for a couple days.
- It’s a tiny island nation and renowned tax haven.
- It graduated summa cum laude from VT.
- He got it after Marcus Vick stomped on him during a recruiting trip (Thanks, Eddie Venter for that one).
- In Liberia it is revered as having medicinal powers and he is constantly dodging African witchdoctors trying to slice a lil giblet off of it.
- If you put your ear near it, it emanates a very high pitched humming sound.
- It's a venom sac.
- It was recently downgraded from a moon to a neckbubble, having once been known as Pluto.
- It is Beamer Ball.
- Every once in a while it will cry "Feed me!" and he must prick his finger and drop blood onto it.
- It’s his swollen medulla oblongata and it’s why he’s so ornery.
- It lactates and its milk is sold at the local Whole Foods.
- When he was young he once tried to go all Bruce Banner and doused himself with gamma rays. All he got was the neckbubble and bloody stool.
- There used to be a lot more neckbubble, but he cut part of it shaving. That chunk became known as Kevin Federline.
- When he’s not using the neckbubble, he keeps it in the VT lunchpale.
- Virginia Tech students paint his neckbubble with a fresh coat of paint with real gold in it prior to every game.
- It's all a part of us and we're all a part of the neckbubble.
- It filled in for Jay Leno twice on The Tonight Show.
- His neckbubble is a level 32 night elf in World of Warcraft.
- Frank Beamer is a Christian, but his neckbubble is Jewish.
- It received 3.5 out of 5 stars on Star Search but was beaten by a young Ray Romano.
- It has a sneaker deal with Converse.
- It's actually an alien well versed on special teams that burrowed itself into Beamer's neck when he was asleep.
- Frank Beamer is actually an interstellar cockroach, his skin is just on wrong.
- It's where he saves his "good chaws" of Redman for later.
- The neckbubble is actually the Offensive Coordinator... Bryan Stinespring is a paid actor.
- Frank actually ate his twin brother Peter in the womb, but to this day, Peter refuses to be swallowed.
- The neckbubble is actually one of Frank Beamer's ass cheeks grafted onto his face because he was horribly scarred from a fire, that's actually true.
- It calls to me in my dreams.
- It's fluent in Japanese, Korean, and Cantonese. It's studying German and it's getting pretty good.
- It's actually prosthetic. Frank Beamer just wears it for intimidation and to create awkward situations to laugh about later.
- It posts as "anonymous" on DFIG.

Yeah, we just did this, and we're not sorry, and we're not better than that.