23 January 2007


Dumb Shit on Tigernet, Volume 13

For close followers of the day-to-day drama of Clemson football, the first week of January was a Maalox masher as the Tigers’ most dynamic player, CJ Spiller, pondered transferring to the University of Flawda. Conflicting reports had him either enrolled in classes at UF or heading up to Clemson to join his teammates. I’ll spare you the intimates of the ordeal, but his 9 month old daughter in Florida had a lot to do with his dilemma. Spiller has since confirmed he wishes to stay at Clemson, but I’ll believe it when I see him in a Tiger uniform in the fall.

Now that I’ve set the stage, here’s what our ever-enlightened Tigernetters had to say on the subject.

Every once in a while I highlight a post that isn’t actually dumb shit; it actually stands out from other posts by being coherent and maybe even prescient. Here’s one:

A lot of people like to be clever on Tigernet by making daring or outrageous statements in the header of their message only to recant or put a humorous spin on said statement in the body of their message. These things are like Hallmark cards from Satan, only without Beelzebub’s trademark dry wit.

Always remember: football comes before family, and football is just like war. You’re a fucking soldier, son. The only school where football is like war is Tha U, only because you have a slightly higher risk of shooting death playing for the ‘Canes than fighting in Iraq. So, really, Winslow Jr. was right.

Again, not dumb shit, but a great response to someone suggesting that CJ read Tigernet, got mad at the dumb shit on there, and wanted to transfer. (Again a case of Tigernet grossly overestimating their impact on, well, anything at all)

While the CJ situation turned out in Clemson’s favor, we weren’t so lucky when it came to the fate of a certain 4-star TE recruit. Another site that charges rubes for free recruiting information and messageboards had apparently received an email from Gronkowski, the recruit in question, saying he would be a Tiger. This information seeped to the teeming masses of Tigernet and there was much rejoicing. Catchphrases had already been invented, as seen below. Like Get Crunk? Really? I’m glad you cleared that one up for me.

This is all part of the whole mindset of Tigernet. The brainwashed denizens actually believe that recruits, recruiters, players, and coaches are all reading every word that is typed on T-net and that maybe, just maybe, it’s their message of encouragement that is the one that pushes that recruit to the side of the Tigers. It leads guys like this to sound more than a little gay showering praise on an 18 year old.

Long story short: Gronk went to Zona.

This one is just a damned gem:

Attempting to separate yourself from other mouthbreathing internet prognosticators – check. Calling out the media – check. Dictating fandom to virtually nonexistent Clemson Basketball bandwagon fans – check. Insult to Duke/Coach K – check. If this guy possesses little to no knowledge about the rules of basketball or the mechanics of a good team, and if this guy hates/idolizes Rick Barnes then he has all the criteria for Clemson basketball fandom. Also I love how he capitalizes Internet People and Media Clowns like these are real terms, and then calls out ‘internet losers’ later in the rant, neglecting to capitalize that. Is one an official term and the other just a nickname? Also, what makes this guy not an internet loser? I think you know the answer to that.

Now, c’mon. Clemson basketball couldn’t beat Florida basketball, Clemson football probably couldn’t even beat Florida basketball. I’m sure we beat them at something, but I haven’t figured that out yet.

There are days that go by where I don’t think I’ll ever accrue enough quality material to make a decent DSOT, guys like this come along and brighten my day. I’m honestly hesitant to knock this guy because I shudder to think that there are people this dumb out there, but then again I guess Gamecock recruits and fans have to come from somewhere. This guy could be a Clemson fan posting as a Gamecock fan on a Clemson board trying to make Gamecock fans look bad. Trippy. I’ll just take it as it is, and keep this post as a perfect example of Cock Logic: IF your team sucks THEN brag about your conference. IF there is a next year THEN your team will surely be conference and national champions in that next year. IF it IS next year, REPEAT. IF your team beats Clemson THEN pretend you haven’t lost 8 out of 10 (or whatever the hell it is) AND pretend you’ll never lose again.

Finally, GOONIETIGER sums it all up for us.

That's all for now, but you know there's more around the corner.