DUMB SHIT ON TIGERNET VOL. 16

It's been a very long time since the last installment of Dumb Shit on Tigernet. The Mojave Desert of sports nothingness that is "downtime" was not only a desperate time for college football fans, but was a miserable time for fans of moronic messageboard posts. As the season crept closer, the posts got dumber, and I was there to cull the floaters. I have a bunch of gems for you today, and I finish off with a cheap joke that I'm not at all proud of. Enjoy.



4:15 pm. DFIG, The Internet.

It is official.

You are a dumbfuck.



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ATTN: DESPERATELY SEEKING HUGE COCK! T-MAIL ME!




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It amazes me that this person has the mental acuity to turn a computer on, much less master the intricacies of posting on a message board. Maybe he's a retard with a speak-n-type headset, who knows?




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Fulmer and good fit haven't belonged in the same sentence since Dockers stopped carrying husky-sized slacks with comfort-stretch waistbands.




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Oh man, that's fucking HYSTERICAL. You should put that in an email and send it to like 1000 people! Please note that this post is from today, not 3 weeks ago when this gem first made it's way into unwilling email inboxes everywhere.




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If you ever wondered if some overeager football fans really do creep around high schools to watch 16 year olds who have an off shot at maybe one day playing at their favorite college, wonder no more.




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FUCK ITPAY AND FCUK THEIR PONITS SYSETM! ANGER SHARKS ARE SWIMMING!




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Jesus, I don't even know where to begin with this one. Here, you take it.





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How DARE you post an article that does something other than shower praise and sunshine upon our affable Tigers! I banish you! You are now banned from the land of rainbow clouds and gumdrop hailstorms, where everyone is equipped with orange colored glasses.




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NERD! HA! Seriously, can I get slops on that magazine, I need to beat Sambo. In all seriousness, I missed our FF draft this year but the computer gave me some sick players.




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Why even make this fucking argument? It's all some sick, twisted shit. This is when pointless, Colin Cowherd-like sports-radio arguments that are tailor-made for people who just like to hear themselves scream.




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So I went to the Tech Support Forums and started posting questions about cover packages and nickel defenses and nobody responded.




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I'd love to say sloppy blowjobs, but the answer is more along the lines of cheering, occasional flips.




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I'll not question your "alliegence," sir, but your intelligence is in serious doubt.




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Sometimes I post things on DSOT that are not dumb at all, but just fucking true. This is one of them. Hey, Mac's, DON'T PUT MILKSHAKES ON THE MENU IF YOU ACT LIKE MAKING THEM IS AS PAINFUL AS A 10 PENNY NAIL BEING DRIVEN INTO YOUR FLACID DICKHOLE.




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Haha, you don't have any friends!




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Wow, we actually found the one person who enjoyed "Who's Now?"




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At least he's adamant and proud about ruining a Clemson tradition.




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Congratulations. The line of people who give a fuck starts over there. Yes, that's it, the empty room over there. That barren, gaping, empty void.




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HAHAHA OHHHH MAN!!! YOU DAMAN!!!! Too bad you weren't DaBorted! ROTFLMAO




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Everyone knows that voting in arbitrary, nonscientific fan polls increases the prestige of your university.




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So, my wife was giving me a Ted Roof and she started moving her finger closer to my Spurrier. I was like "meh" but she went ahead and gave me the ol two-knuckler. So I pulled it out and stuck my Nick Saban in her ol' Tommy Bowden. That'll teach her.




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The musings of an idiot. This kind of reminds of the ramblings of a Faulknerian manchild.




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This Clemson fan might be the only person more obsessed with Spurrier than S. Carolina fans.




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I have no idea what the hell you just said.




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I didn't post this for the observation in the post but for the dopey exchange below it with captain oblivious.




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If you begin (and end, in this case) your post with "DT talk... nothing more, nothing less" then you KNOW, you just KNOW, you're posting something fucking dumb. So just stop. Click cancel. Walk away. Don't do it. Otherwise, you fine yourself prognosticating over ball distribution to our backfield. Props to this guy for his statistical prowess, but save your effort, man.



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Uh... only if his last name was Vin.



That's all for now. Before you post that next angry diatribe on Tigernet, remember, I'm watching.