29 December 2007


#15 Clemson (9-3) @ #23 Auburn (8-4). Monday, December 31st, 7:30 PM, ESPN, at the Georgia Dome, Atlanta.

Line: Clemson -3

Edge Goes To:

Offense: Clemson - The Tigers with a lake have scored over 100 more points this season than Auburn. Auburn gets credit for a new offensive coordinator, but it remains to be seen if the team can install a new system in a few short weeks and be ready for Clemson.

Defense: Auburn - The other Tigers feature a stifling defense that's giving up less than 17 points per game.

Special Teams: Push, because we don't know shit about Auburn's special teams.

Intangibles: Clemson will be without two starting linebackers, Tremaine Billie and Nick Watkins and starting guard Christian Capote for academics, or lack thereof. Courtney Vincent, late of a DUI arrest, might make for a benched staring linebacker trifecta. Auburn has installed a new offense, and Clemson will have little time to prepare. Auburn's offense could best be described as anemic this season, so a new scheme may not do much to help a woeful squad. Clemson last played in the Peach Bowl in 2003 when they defeated the #6 ranked Tennessee Volunteers.

Our Take:

Chili: Windows Vista ate his computer.

Willy Mac: Whoo boy, missing two linebackers on a young defense and a tackle on a young offensive line is no good. Before the three suspensions I thought we had a great chance at blowing this game open early and shutting up the SEC chest pounders early in the first half. Even after the suspensions I had a little bit to gather myself back up and think positive but something about being here in Atlanta just doesn't seem right. I really am scared. Could the team that shit the bed against UGA turn around and woodshed us? This game has been a historically close game for us, even though we've lost a lot more than we've won here in the Peach. I know they have an embarrassing offense but their defense is scary good. Like, good enough to beat us like the Bears did to the Cardinals that one time via defensive touchdowns. We could be as fake as Tila Tequila, but lets hope not.

Auburn 24, Clemson 13

27 December 2007


I hope you guys had a good holiday. Mine didn't go so well when my grandpa showed up.

"I don't care whatchoo got now!"

19 December 2007


Just a friendly reminder that if you've entered our Big Fat Bowl Challenge on Yahoo! you need to get your picks in before the first bowl game tomorrow. Good luck.

18 December 2007


The major news outlets are reporting that things are a-jumble in Clemson's Peach Bowl picture. Chris Capote (OT), Nick Watkins (MLB), and Tramaine Billie (LB) are all three out due to being ruled academically ineligible to play. All three are fifth year seniors. All three are definitely out. Also, linebacker Courtney Vincent was pulled over for a DUI charge but is still practicing with the team and is still expected to play. Word on the street says that essentially he was pulled for a minor reason and it was suspected he had been drinking. He blew below the legal limit on a breathalyzer but the police were legally allowed to take him in to supervise him (an old cop trick to allow the rest of the alcohol to be fully absorbed by the bloodstream so his blood alcohol content would eventually go over the legal limit and they could formally charge him). The cops observed him and tried to give him another test and he waived the test, so they arrested him and charged him. His trial is scheduled for January, so till then he's still on the team.


Throughout this whole pre-bowl coach swap drama that's been going on in the college football world (not to mention our own brush with said drama) , I sat back and thought about how awesome it would be to go back in time through different eras with wanton disregard for the space/time continuum as well as the lines of reality with boatloads of cash to create my own hyper-masculine, bad-assed coaching staff for Clemson. I sought out coaches with certain characteristics and talents they might be able to teach to our team of youngsters. I have compiled some pretty pictures and flashy youtube clips for your enjoyment as a part of their respective resumes. This list can also be swapped for a super crime fighting force, but I'd rather have them coaching at Clemson myself.


Defensive line - Steve Lattimer
Nowadays he's busy being a chainsaw wielding psychopath, but back in the early 90s his business was hitting people so hard that they got snot bubbles. If you've ever seen the movie The Program then you know what I'm talking about. Sure he had a few run ins with the NCAA drug testing officials but I always say everyone deserves a second chance... or a third, whatever. Just don't get caught this time.

No resume need be submitted other than the following video clips:

That's commitment. Stick-to-it-iveness. Putting the teams needs before your own.

That's the type of energetic coach we need.

Linebackers and Defensive Coordinator - "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan

Jim Duggan: King of ass-kicking.

Going with the energetic theme, I think Duggan would be the perfect addition. Granted, you can't understand a word he says, but just think about how riled up he gets people. Defense is supposed to be chaotic anyways. Perhaps not this chaotic, but still... can you imagine 80+ thousand people chanting "U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!" and some Furman player going "But... we're from... America, too? These Clemson folks are some crazy fuckers."

I can only imagine a film session with him would be nothing short of entertaining. Nothing would get accomplished. "You shoulda been coverin' the flats and you blew your assignment! HOOOOOOOO!"

Defensive backs - Apollo Creed

We need the Apollo Creed from the original Rocky. The one that was a bad ass. The one that didn't like anyone if they weren't named Apollo Creed.

We're talking about speed, fast footwork, hitting people with your hands, and an arrogance/confidence hybrid. Who else would be perfect for the job? Let's just hope that there are no in conference opponents that have wide receivers that are seven feet tall, from Russia, and have inhuman strength. Also, Creed's entourage (to include a very drugged out James Brown constantly singing "Living in America" and that trainer that never really said anything till Rocky VI) would probably make things much more interesting and fun.


Offensive line - E. Honda

He could also maybe have some new ideas for eye black designs.

He is most known for his roles in the Street Fighter gaming series. I'll have to admit, he was not my first option for an offensive line coach. After contractual talks with the Juggernaut fell through, my administration was hard pressed to find a new candidate. Upon hearing that Mr. Honda was available and seeking a new job, we gave him a rang. Yes, he still has lighting fast hands and yes, he still uses his body as a projectile to take out opponents.

Quarterbacks - Tommy Frazier

"Simply untacklable" - The definition of Tommy Frazier found in the standard version of Merriam-Webster.

I was hard pressed as I had three candidates in mind. Jim McMahon would have been too drunk to stand, let alone coach ("I'm too drunk, you got me!"). Woody Dantzler was my next choice, but something told me to go with Tommy. There were a few reasons I chose Frazier. The first being that he did so well for life to turn around and take a dump on him. The second being my man needs a job and that's one less trip I'd have to take in my time machine (Duke Power's billing center thanks me for one less "Obscene Overuse Statement" that they would have had to file). Lastly and most importantly, aside from Bowden, he's the most experienced person when it comes to embarrassing a Steve Spurrier coached team in a nationally televised game.

Running backs -Tecmo Bo
Be honest, if you've ever played Tecmo Bowl back in the day, you knew that you were playing with the Bills because of Thurman Thomas, or the Raiders cause of Bo Jackson. Perhaps he could teach our running backs of his secrets. Tired of the Bowden approach of trying to win/tie games at the least second via kicking an awkwardly spotted, distant prayer of a field goal, why not just expire the remaining time you would use on the final drive in one single running play culminating with a touchdown? Somewhere Danny Ford is enjoying an ice cold PBR and nodding with approval.

Simply maddening. If you weren't on Bo's team, you lost. My cousin's gaming skills still haunt me to this day. This is also a great example of the most effective way to outrun eleven pink alligators.

Receivers - Charlie Tweeder
Tweeder was an all-state receiver out of West Canaan High in Texas that had a largely unknown yet stellar career at a small division 1-AA school. Although he is the equivalent to a loose cannon on a rolling deck, his recruitment skills would be perfect to pick up where the current staff would leave off.

Just a few quotes that might help break the ice for recruits on a visit talking with Tweeder:
"Hey you wanna see the new Tweeder end zone dance?... [Tweeder dances] You know what it's called?... The new Tweeder end zone dance."
"...Bitches are all just panty droppers. You understand? That's it... give 'em Percocet, two Vicoden and a couple of beers, and the panties drop. It's very nice... It's niiiiiice."
"[Insert recruit name here] you're under arrest for not being naked with some sophomore chick who wants to bathe you with her tongue, now take off your clothes and get in the police car."

A kind of guy that the kids could relate to. He'd be great on the recruiting trail.

Head coach and Offensive Coordinator - Danny Ford
This was a no brainer, huh? I would go back to January 19, 1990 and pick up that Danny as he'd be the best version we could get. I would have a few stipulations he'd probably be more than willing to agree with. One of those would be to just get rid of tight ends all together and to recruit more fullbacks and linemen. The next would be to get back to Clemson hard nosed football.

Rumors and lore state that after a ball game if coach Ford thought the officials did a good job and if his team won he sent a few cases of beer over to the officials locker room. Ah the glory days of college football before political correctness, NCAA investigators, and news media red tape got involved.

Special Teams - Ultimate Warrior
Special teams don't make any sense to me. Plus you don't really need a pep talk. You just need someone to sound like they're straining to shit out a twenty pound bowling ball while flexing their muscles and then say "Smear the fuckin' queer." Although, he might try to force some really conservative bat shit crazy Republican values on our guys, resulting in the same kinda problems we have now... no... wait... nothing is worse than what we have now. Go, Warrior go. Plus, who else is better than turning momentum around in a fight?

Yeah... what he said... Now go out there... and... uh... yeah.

10 December 2007


Just a reminder to register for the Big Fat Bowl Challenge: We'll be conducting this thing online via Yahoo! Fantasy Sports. Please register here and enter the following info to join our group:
Group ID #: 22759
Password: levigarrett

04 December 2007


Link to the article.

The Clemson Board of Trustees was called into an emergency personnel meeting this morning to approve a new contract for Bowden and possible extensions for him and his assistants.


If Danny came back to coach the Peach, we'd have to have a badass late 70's black and white montage with this as the theme music. A las, these thoughts will only live on as dreams and dreams only.

The master plan revealed!

Personally I hope our new coach is more devoutly Christian than Tommy was. I heard there was a guy named Yusef on the team once, and I am NOT comfortable with that. Old testament names from now on, please. Don't even get me started on that snitch who went to the ACLU.

I would assume it'll be confused, painfully unfunny, and generally dumb. Coaches can change but boards cannot.

He made me laugh and cry. A fun 9 year run. Tommy Bowden, ladies and gentlemen; a football coach or a broadway show?


If Danny came back to coach the Peach, we'd win it by so much they'd fly us to New Orleans to play the winner of the championship game. Bank on it.


This is the SEC, y'all. This is a big deal.

Oh yes, let's get the board's opinion.

Someone made a post saying "i am a hot girl please explain the coaching situation to me" and CHAOS ensues. Of course everyone saying they're a hot chick online is a hot chick, amirite?

In mere minutes, the board is flooded.

*jacking stops*


Coach Tommy Bowden is one of three candidates for the now vacant Arkansas head coaching job, along with Michigan DC Ron English former Arkansas assistant Gus Malzahn. Sources say Tommy is the top choice and Arkansas is ready to offer him over 2 million dollars a year. According to this article from the Hogs' Scout.com page, an offer has been made by Arkansas and Clemson has made a counter that a Clemson sources thinks probably won't be enough to keep Bowden. Conflicting reports continue to state that Bowden has no desire to leave Clemson. Coach Bowden has been quoted as saying he'd stay as long as Clemson wants him, though how much of Clemson actually wants him is up for debate. As is the norm, all of this stuff is highly speculative and subject to the old "an inside source says" gimmick, so take it with a grain of salt.

As reported earlier, Terry Don Phillips and Coach Bowden had been in contract extension talks, but word is that Tommy was only being offered a raise of "only" 400K, but more importantly his buyout would be lowered to 500K. It is highly likely that Tommy is only using the Arkansas interview and subsequent speculation to get a longer, fatter contract with the Tigers.

**Update - Judging from this article on the Charleston Post & Courier website, Bowden has revealed to sources close him that he is staying. Thanks for nothing, Arkansas. It's apparent that Tommy got one of his old buddies (Jeff Long, Arkansas AD) to help him reach deeper into Clemson's pockets. All I'm saying is that you'd better produce Tommy. - Willy Mac

03 December 2007


A Tigernetter pointed out this pathetic display of standard Gamecock fan behavior on display on the Auburn boards. Time and again, this year and in years previous, Gamecock fans flood Clemson opponents' messageboards to plead for that team to do what theirs cannot. Pathetic is the only way to aptly sum it up. Pathetic also describes the Sakerlina fan named "31-28Cocky." How sad is it that a Carolina victory over Clemson is so rare and special to them that one of them names their online handle after the score of the game? And is he going to change the handle now? As always they fall behind SEC chestthumping because the best thing going for them is the abusive company they keep. Gamecock fans: living vicariously through good teams since, well, forever.

02 December 2007


Guess who's not in a bowl? (stolen from Tigernet)

Time for the 2nd Annual Big Fat Bowl Challenge. Everyone is eligible to enter. Copy and paste this list into an email, leaving only your pick to win beside each respective bowl game. Mail your picks to feedback (at) dannyfordisgod.com by December 19 11:59 PM EST. Winner gets our respect and admiration and a big shout out.

December 20

San Diego Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl - Navy vs. Utah

December 21
R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl - Memphis vs. Fla. Atlantic

December 22
Papajohns.com Bowl - Southern Miss vs. Cincinatti
New Mexico Bowl - Nevada vs. New Mexico
Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl - UCLA vs. BYU

December 23
Sheraton Hawaii Bowl - Boise State vs. East Carolina

December 26
Motor City Bowl - Central Michigan vs. Purdue

December 27
Pacific Life Holiday Bowl - Arizona State vs. Texas

December 28
Texas Bowl - Houston vs. TCU
Champs Sports Bowl - Boston College vs. Michigan State
Emerald Bowl - Maryland vs. Oregon State

December 29
Meineke Car Care Bowl - UConn vs. Wake Forest
Autozone Liberty Bowl - UCF vs. Mississippi State
Valero Alamo Bowl - Penn State vs. Texas A&M

December 30
Petrosun Independence Bowl - Alabama vs. Colorado

December 31
Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl - California vs. Air Force
Roady's Humanitarian Bowl - Georgia Tech vs. Fresno State
Brut Sun Bowl - South Florida vs. Oregon
Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl - Kentucky vs. Florida State
Chick-fil-A Bowl - Clemson vs. Auburn
Insight Bowl - Indiana vs. Oklahoma State

January 1
Outback Bowl - Wisconsin vs. Tennessee
AT&T Cotton Bowl - Missouri vs. Arkansas
Gator Bowl -Texas Tech vs. Virginia
Capital One Bowl - Michigan vs. Florida
Rose Bowl Presented by Citi - Illinois vs. USC
Allstate Sugar Bowl - Hawaii vs. Georgia

January 2
Tostitos Fiesta Bowl - Oklahoma vs. West Virginia

January 3
FedEx Orange Bowl - Virginia Tech vs. Kansas

January 5
International Bowl - Rutgers vs. Ball State

January 6
GMAC Bowl - Bowling Green vs. Tulsa

January 7
Allstate BCS Championship Game - LSU vs. Ohio State


It's still Peach to me, dammit!
Word is out that Clemson will be heading to the Chick-fil-A Bowl to battle the Auburn Tigers on December 31. Clemson also met Auburn in the 1998 Peach Bowl, where they lost 21-17. Clemson Sports Travel has some travel and hotel packages if you're heading down for the game. This will be Clemson's 7th trip to the Peach (CFA) Bowl, they sport an all-time record of 2-4 in the game, the most recent trip being a 27-14 triumph over then no. 6 Tennessee in 2003.


Congratulations to Sam who took home the 2007 Macallan Cup. Sam led for pretty much the whole second half of the season. He takes home a nice big bottle of Macallan 18 or a similar fine adult beverage.

Final Standings

1. Sam - 132 pts
2. Tully - 130 pts
3. Chili - 127 pts
4. Lyrtch - 126 pts
5. Seigler - 125 pts
6. Willy Mac - 111 pts
7. NoleCC - 104 pts
8. Brad - 52 pts
9. Captain - 39 pts

Once bowl game assignments are finalized, we'll set up a new group for our 2nd Big Fat Bowl Challenge.

"Damnit, I wanted that booze."