29 November 2007

EXTREME KORN REPORT: MT KORNMORE #1

PRESENTING THE FIRST ANNUAL MT. KORNMORE, IT'S LIKE THE HALL OF FAME OF HALLS OF FAME... OF AWESOMENESS.

CHUCK D (PUBLIC ENEMY, POINDEXTER) ONCE AKSED "BASS. HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?" WELL, I DON'T KNOW, BRO. I'VE BEEN PRETTY LOW WHAT WITH THE MOST RADICAL PLAYER TO PUT ON FOOTBALL PADS STUCK ON THE SIDELINES. CHUCK D ALSO SAID "SOUL ON A ROLL BUT YOU TREAT IT LIKE SOAP ON A ROPE." I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS BUT ITS POETIC. IN A TOTALLY STRAIGHT WAY, UNLIKE MOST POETRY I READ INSIDE OF BATHROOM STALLS. SO WHILE I COULDN'T WATCH KORN ON THE FIELD I PUT MY EFFORTS INTO FINDING EXAMPLES OF KORNNESS (NOT KORNINESS DAMNIT, THAT'S HACK) IN POP CULTURE.

IN THE SPIRIT OF WILLIAM KORN, I HAVE ASSEMBLED THE FIRST "MT KORNMORE" OF BADASSES. FROM LEFT TO RIGHT WE HAVE:

TOM BERENGER FROM PLATOON: DON'T SLEEP ON YOUR PATROL DUTY OR HE'LL MURDER YOUR DREAMS. HE OUT-GRIZZLED WILLEM DAFOE, AND THAT'S A HELL OF A TASK. SOMETIMES I CONFUSE HIM WITH TOM BERGERON. MY B (BAD). THIS WAS A TOSSUP BETWEEN BERENGER IN SNIPER OR BERENGER IN PLATOON AND IT CAME DOWN TO GOOGLE IMAGES, BASICALLY.

BILL MURRAY FROM KINGPIN: HE HAD FULL SEX WITH WOMEN, HAD RAGING AWESOME HAIR, AND HAD A FIERY COMPETITIVE SPIRIT.

BILL DANCE FROM EVERY FISHING SHOW EVER: YOU CAN GIVE A MAN A FISH OR YOU CAN TEACH HIM TO FISH AND GIVE HIM A FISHING SHOW THAT PLAYS IN PERPETUITY ON CHANNEL 554 ON YOUR SATELLITE. NOT ONLY HAS HE BEEN ROCKING THE BUG EYE GLASSES SINCE BEFORE KANYE AND THE TRUCKER HAT BEFORE ASHTON (KUTCHER, SILLY) HE COULD PROBABLY STILL CATCH FISH LIKE A MUG IF HE WERE PARALYZED FROM THE NECK DOWN.

MICKEY ROURKE FROM THE POPE OF GREENWICH VILLAGE: IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS MOVIE, GO, NOW. JUST PRETEND THAT WILLY KORN IS MICKEY ROURKE AND WILL PROCTOR IS ERIC ROBERTS. SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.

NOW, ON TO OUR MAN KORN.

I GET LITERALLY SEVERAL EMAILS A MONTH ASKING ME, NO BEGGING THE EKR TO THE CLEMSON RESEARCH DEPARTMENT BETTER GET ON SOME STEM CELL RESEARCH OR SOME SHIT TO FIX KORN'S SHOULDER. WELL I'M JUST A MAN, AND I CAN'T DO THAT. I COULDN'T EVEN GO TO THE CAMPUS TO ASK. OUTSIDE OF THE RESTRAINING ORDER PLACED ON ME BY CLEMSON (THEY DON'T LIKE YOU DRUNKENLY STALKING YOUR FAVORITE PLAYERS, WHO KNEW?), I HAD A RUN IN WITH JOHNNY LAW AND NOW CAN ONLY TRAVEL BY MOPED. NOT EXTREME!!! WELL THAT'S LIFE. AS FOR WHAT EKR'S FAVORITE PLAYER HAS BEEN UP TO SINCE ASPLODING HIS SHOULDER BONE, I'VE HEARD SOME RUMORS. SOME SAY HE HAS BEEN HITCHHIKING TOWARDS THE ALASKAN WILDERNESS TO GO LIVE IN A BUS. I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S TRUE BUT I KNOW WILLY KORN IS THE BIG MAN ON CAMPUS AND ALSO WOULD'VE IMPREGNATED LIKE 3 WHOLE SORORITIES BY NOW, BUT WILLY KORN IS A GENTLEMAN, AND WILLY KORN PULLS OUT. WILLY KORN TEMPORARILY TRANSFERRED TO FLORIDA AND HAS BEEN PLAYING UNDER THE ALIAS "TIM TEBOW." HE PLAYED IN THE CAROLINA GAME UNDER THE "AKA" "NELSON FAERBER." HE LED A SLAVE REBELLION IN THE ITALIAN PENINSULA UNDER HIS SLAVE NAME: SPARTACUS.

EKR, UNEXPECTED OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!

THIS LIL DUDE JUST SAW WILLY KORN IN THE FLESH.

DUMB SHIT ON TIGERNET 18: DUMB HARDER

For the 18th installment of DSOT, the hot issue is Tommy Bowden's contract extension. Enjoy.


Posts like this are the reason I'm sick of Tigernet. It's not so much that there's a big, dumb herd mentality, it's more that it's a big, dumb herd mentality that refuses to pay any mind to any opinions that differ from theirs.



I'M SO ANGRY AT YOU FOR NOT LIKING TOMMY BOWDEN THAT I WANT TO WET YOU DOWN AND ANALLY PENETRATE YOU... wait... what?



This guy is one of the dopes who thinks you have to be a Bowden uber-fan or you're not a Clemson fan. This guy is probably just some sidewalk alum who has only been around for the Tommy West/Tommy Bowden era and only sets foot on campus on Saturdays. I've said it before, I'm a graduate of Clemson University, not Bowden University. Doesn't mean I hate the guy, but it means I put the greater good of the school and its team ahead of one man.



Some of my favorite posts are when some of the Tigernetters try to sound slick and clever. Why aren't people outraged just as much at basketball's collapse as they were at football's collapse? Because one is Clemson basketball... and the other is Clemson football. One coach has been there 9 years, the other 4. One program has multiple postseason victories and All-Americans, the other has a WNBA coach as their most famous alum.




Yeah, because you have to be a high level athletics administrator to say anything negative about our team or coach! Prior to stating that I might have reservations about playcalling or coaching in general I better have the right credentials, because surely being a fan or alumni only allows you the right to go to games, clap, or shut the fuck up. If I'm criticizing I must be an enraged, fanatic moron! I must be a genius to criticize coaching. Yeah, well I guess technically it would take a genius to comprehend why we throw three yards behind the first down marker on third down consistently and refuse to run the ball with our top-tier backfield in goal line situations when it counts most. It would definitely take a fucking mental giant to comprehend that.

You know who else slammed all dissenting voices?

That's right... NAZIS.



Another type of post that never fails to amuse me are these desperate missives meant to appeal to the nonexistent football recruits who are "constantly" cruising Tigernet. I'm friends with a lot of current and past Clemson players, and I can assure you, while they sometimes check out Rivals or Scout, the fringe messageboards are virtually nonexistent to them. Hell I can barely stand to wade through the shit on Tigernet to cull these gems, you think a recruit wants to slop through the intellectual wasteland to maybe see his name mentioned?



Thank God there are still some posters like this on Tigernet to not make it a complete and utter embarrassment of sunshine pumping loonies. Most, if not all, of his sentiments have been echoed by us here at DFIG.



Of course the minute someone posts a thoughtful and well conceived post that goes against the grain they are immediately blasted. I swear to God some of these people are actually proud of being "top Tigernet posters." That's like being the tallest midget at the circus, people. Wakka wakka.



Although I did laugh at this a little bit.



Maybe one of the greatest posts I've ever seen on Tigernet.

COACHING CHANGE CHALLENGE

Okay, readers. Here's a chance to show your prognostication skills. Here's a list (correct as of 11/29) of most vacant coaching positions in D-1. Submit ASAP your list of who you think gets the job. The winner will be announced... whenever the positions are full. Refer to this ESPN page for updates on hirings.

**Update: Sources are saying Tuberville to Arkansas as of 11PM Thursday night.

Arkansas
Auburn
Colorado State
Duke
Georgia Tech
Michigan
Nebraska
Washington State

If you want you can double speculate and tell us what coach will fill the position vacated by a coach you figure will go to one of these schools, for example Jimbo Fisher to LSU to replace Les Miles to Michigan. Easy.

BRIEF CLEMSON INJURY UPDATE AND NEWS

The above billboard is located on I-26 near Harbison, beside the Jamil Shrine Temple in Columbia. Chili and I feel that it's completely hilarious, but also completely obnoxious and classless at the same time. If something like this had been put up outside Clemson after last year's game you bet we'd climb up and spray paint the bitch. I think Clemson fans have finally had enough of all the talking from the USC victory last year and we're starting to show our teeth.

Injuries

- It turns out that James Mays's injury isn't as bad as first thought. Originally, James was thought as to have had a hip fracture that would have put him out until the beginning of ACC play. Secondary scans done of his hip showed that there was no fracture at all and that it's actually just a bad sprain. New estimates have him coming back for the tail end of the San Juan Shootout.

- Sam Perry had knee surgery and is also expected to make a comeback for the San Juan Shootout. I think we did pretty well against Purdue seeing as we had two major players out for that game.

- Jarvis Jenkins had minor wrist surgery. Chris McDuffie had his elbow scoped and cleaned up. Finally, Cullen Harper had arthroscopic surgery on his throwing shoulder. Also removed from Cullen were three .45 slugs, a blowgun dart, a few tiger shark teeth, a metal cleat spike, the tip of a bayonet, a three inch nail, and what amounted to be two handfuls of buckshot. All three will be back for the bowl game.

News

- As per the heavily Gamecock based The State newspaper, a chance to go to the Chik-Fil-A bowl for Clemson has become a bit better. For Clemson fans the article should read: "If Virginia Tech beats BC, Clemson goes to the Chik-Fil-A bowl." Since it was probably written by a USC fan/alum, it actually reads: "Oh yeah, Clemson is a shoe in for the Peach... or are they? Yeah they are. Or are they?"

- Thomas Austin gets the ACC Linemen of the Week award as he graded out at 87 percent for the South Carolina game. That performance included eight pancake blocks.

27 November 2007

MY SEASON END SECOND LOOK AT BOWDEN (AKA WILLY MAC'S BOWDEN APOLOGIST LETTER, v 2.2)

Are we still in good hands? Should we stay the course, as always?

In early June of this year I wrote an article entitled "The Pros (And Cons) of Ditching Tommy Bowden." Well now that the regular season has ended and not only are we once again not even playing for the ACC title, Mr. Bowden is licking his chops and getting ready to restructure his contract again. Following my pros and cons from the first article, let's take a look at what Bowden has in each category. The last article was the pros and cons of getting rid of Bowden. These would be the pros and cons of keeping him. Please feel free to leave your opinion in the comments section.

Pros

- Sub Rob Spence, Bowden has a baller set of assistant coaches that are loyal to Clemson University and our goals. In actuality, I think Spence has a great play book (minus the screens) for this offense but he either chooses the wrong plays at the wrong times or he gets a comfy lead and then starts coaching not to lose.

- He is a great coach all around. He doesn't meddle too much in his assistant coaches doings. He doesn't really call anyone out in the press. He's respectful to players, coaches, officials, etc. Tommy tries to portray Clemson as best he can under incredible scrutiny and pressure. He works hard. He also makes sure his players get degrees that they can take into the post college world.

- He doesn't talk too much trash. Tommy stays classy. He looks presentable whenever he's on TV and he's not a scum bag. We don't have to worry about him going off on a month long drinking tangent culminating in a vaseline covered Bowden blowing up a bank vault or something of the like. We also don't have to worry about major NCAA violations ever. The guy and his program are so squeaky clean that it's almost too good to be true.

- Hate to bite the bullet here and seem like a Tommy Bowden Kool-Aid drinker, but he is the best thing we've had since Danny. He's improved facilities as well as brought back our recruiting presence. Season ticket sales are at an all time high as are IPTAY donations. Most importantly, we're consistently ranked in the top 25, even top 15. What's more is we've been finishing ranked lately as well. I sat through those 1992 (5-6), 1994 (5-6), and 1998 (3-8) seasons. I grew up with that. I can't go back to that and with Tommy around, we're almost guaranteed not to go back to that.

- He still has a smokin' daughter. In fact, I'm putting out an APB for her. Someone figure out what she's doing nowadays, so I can, uh... just find out where she is. You don't need to know what I do with the information afterwards.

I do enjoy the fact that Tommy really gives it to the referees when they make a bad call. Most of the times though he's so lost in his own tirade that he doesn't call a timeout for the booth to review.

Cons

- As many fans like me, I want my hard nose, up the gut Clemson football back. I want to go back to the days where the center and guards were bigger than the tackles. Where the running back shouted at the linebackers "I'm coming through the A gap, try and stop us" before the snap. He allows Spence to coach way too east and west and not enough north and south.

- He just can't seem to string together an entire season. Either we endure a scenario where we come out of the gate laying in our own shit, have a mid season pity party, or an end of the season crash and burn. I can't take the Clemson Football Rollercoaster. I constantly feel like the kid that's a little too drunk to be on the ride at the amusement park and my brain is constantly telling me, "Oh god. Dude our mouth is watering really bad. The stomach says everything is on the way out. GET OFF THIS THING." I feel as if his team's positions go in cycles that Bowden can't manage to sync together. One year we have a stellar offense except the O Line, etc, etc.

- The Bowden's used to be known for their trick plays and most of the time those risks panned out for us. So why did we stop taking them? I feel that sometimes Tommy needs to take the reins and call a few plays of his own, but doesn't. I feel as if he's never actually put together a playbook of his own and called his own plays. He just hires people to do it for him and stands there, shrugging his shoulders when things don't work out. At least Spurrier has the nuts to say "Yeah, I called that play. I made that decision. That's my fault, I fucked up."

- He schedules out of conference cupcake teams. If we are going to consistently go 8-4 or 9-3 in the regular season, let's play some real teams. Stop fluffing your schedule and let's get dirty.

- It's been nine to ten years since he signed up for the job and he hasn't brought us any hardware that actually counts for something. He's brought us a few memorable wins, but how about a few memorable championships, is that too much to ask in a decade?

- For big games, we deep dick the opposing team and put them in a hole Then we play conservatively and hope that we can hang on and that we don't lose. Now, this is Spence's fault but Tommy needs to know when to say, "Hey, put the foot on the gas and not the brakes, pal." Let's just do what we did to Wake Forest and keep pounding it out.

What Bowden needs to work on

- The offensive play book is good, it just needs a few tweaks (Getting rid of screens, stop running plays that haven't worked all season). As of now, it is still a little too home run centered and not enough pound it out. Perhaps this could be discussed in the contract meeting.

- Maybe we should start focusing more on defensive and offensive linemen and the talent players will follow. We need to stop getting small linemen with good technique out of high school and trying to build them up size wise once they get here. Let's just find some hosses and work on their techniques.

- When he restructures his contract, perhaps he should offer to take a pay cut as a trade off for more years. That money lost should be filtered into the incentives of his contract. He should also lessen his buy out because sometimes it feels as if he is holding us hostage. He hasn't won anything yet, so he is still unproven. The honorable thing to do would to stop digging in our pockets when he hasn't earned it yet. He feels like that buddy that always borrows money, but probably won't get you back. "C'mon man, you know I'm good for it."

Now again, I'm not attacking Bowden or defending him. I'm just throwing this out there and it's how I feel. If you don't agree, let me know in the comments. If you're just disagreeing to disagree, there's a bunch of neanderthals in a jerk circle over at the Tigernet forums waiting for you.

26 November 2007

2007 ALL-ACC TEAMS

The 2007 All-ACC Football teams were announced today and Clemson places 4 Tigers on first team offense and an puzzling 0 on first team defense. James Davis, Aaron Kelly, Barry Richardson, and Chris McDuffie all receive first team nods. Cullen Harper was tapped as second team quarterback. Clemson's defense is 10th nationally in points per game allowed, second in the league only to Virginia Tech, 5th nationally in yards per game allowed, again second in the league only to VT, yet they place nobody on the first team defense and only Michael Hamlin on the second team. Don't worry though, North Carolina placed 3 of their defensive wonders on the second team. Announcers referred to our D at times as the "no-name defense" and apparently the ACC sportswriters agreed. I hope you don't have to ask if the Tigers placed anybody on special teams All-ACC teams. Congrats to all the Tigers who made the team, and to Phillip Merling, you were robbed, man. Robbed.

MONDAY NEWS ROUNDUP

Ted Roof has been fired at Duke after racking up a 6-45 record in three and a half seasons.

Chan Gailey has been fired at Georgia Tech. It's been said that he neither improved nor worsened the team during his tenure. That, coupled with an 0 for career record against Georgia, got him the boot. He was 44-32 at Tech and 28-20 in the ACC. There are some amusing takes on the firing on this Atlanta-Journal Constitution page. Look for GT AD Dan Radakovich to go after Jimbo Fisher of FSU. Radakovich was the Associate AD at LSU while Fisher was there. Paul Johnson's name will also be in play, I'm sure.

The Nebraska Cornhuskers are looking at LSU's Bo Pellini and Buffalo's (and former Husker) Turner Gill to fill the gaping hole left from the burnination of Callahan.

Former Packers coach Mike Sherman has been hired at Texas A&M. That was quick.

In non-sports news (unless you count rocking the fuck out as a sport, and you should) Kevin DuBrow of Quiet Riot died today at age 52.


Shhh.....Silence... for 365 days, please.

24 November 2007

OH THANK GOD

I'VE GOT FAERBER FEVER.


Clemson 23, Sakerlina 21

Mark Buccholz boots in the game winner as time expires, saving Clemson from a virtually self-inflicted loss. The playcalling down the stretch, as it's been most of the year, was questionable at best. Clemson lead the game 17-7 at the half and hung on for dear life. Congrats to the Tigers, and our hats are off to the Gamecocks, who played extremely tough.

I don't like to take a victory like this and rub it in to the opposing fanbase, and I'm not doing that now. I am, however, listening to the Carolina 5th Quarter call-in show. The DJ clearly has been screaming his lungs off the entire game and sounds like his diaphragm is roast beef about now. Listening to this is icing on the cake. The talk is about Stephen Garcia as the savior of the program, about whether or not Spurrier is the man for the job, and all sorts of what have you. The fans are really going after Spurrier hard. Maybe the best call so far is questioning whether or not Shane Beamer is really Frank's son because he doesn't have the same special teams prowess and he "doesn't have that big growth on his neck, and I thought that thing was hereditary." Check it out if you're up.

23 November 2007

SAKERLINA PREVIEW

#22 Clemson (8-3, 5-3) @ South Carolina (6-5, 3-5). Saturday, November 24, 7:00 PM, ESPN2, XM Radio 191.

Line: Clemson -2.5

Edge Goes To:

Offense: Clemson

Defense: Push

Special Teams: Carolina, Succup can actually make field goals. Buccholz has a field goal percentage of 63%.

Intangibles: Sakerlina - They've had a bye week to prepare and have their pride on the line after losing 4 straight. One could say this is a push, being a rivalry game and Clemson also reeling after losing an important game, but when team preparation is the issue Spurrier gets the nod hands down.

About the Game: Clemson and Carolina have been playing each other since 1896. Clemson leads the series 63-37-4. Sakerlina beat Clemson at home last year 31-28. If Carolina beats Clemson this year, it would mark the first time since 1970 that they've won 2 straight in the series.

Here's what we think:

Seigler: tba

Chili: Prior to the BC game I had a bad feeling about this game. I felt that Carolina's bye-week to heal and gameplan, added to the indignity of losing 4 straight would shift a close game in their favor. Losing to BC changed my opinion very little. Call me whatever names you want, but I see us losing Saturday. Carolina's 4 losses were against good teams (well... maybe not Vandy, but they're above-average). The defense that lost its way towards the end of the season will use this game to regain their respect. The Boston College game solidified my opinion that Clemson has poor gameday coaches. Playcalling was timid and we again failed to properly utilize Spiller and Davis. Clemson's defense is stout, but was picked apart by Ryan in the 2nd half. I see Carolina reviewing that effort and while Jar-Jar is no Matt Ryan, he's looked good at times and could exploit our pass D. The tandem of Davis and Boyd has been successful at times and adds a second dimension to Sakerlina's offense. I think both teams will put points on the board and, as I usually state (and mean), I could see this game going either way. I have very little faith in Clemson anymore, and that proves the difference in my preview.

Sakerlina 34, Clemson 33 :(

Willy Mac: Honestly, I've had little or no time to think about this game because I know whats going to happen. I've been in Detroit all week pretending (as Chili says) to be a Green Bay fan (I jumped on the band wagon in 1996 for the Super Bowl win, so yes, I'm a t-shirt fan with no actual ties to the team itself but more on that later). I'm not going to lie to you or make you feel better about the game or nurse you. Let's be realistic, Chili is right. They've had two weeks to prepare. What momentum we had is completely gone. South Carolina wants this game badly and I just don't see us being able to pick up the pieces. I'm not saying I'm rooting for us to lose, but I'm fully expecting it. I hate hearing Carolina fans talk crap too and I don't know if I'll be able to stomach it for another year, especially if we lose to a six win Gamecock team. I wish I could make you happy and cheer you up about this game, but no. Sorry. I wish I had Peter Frampton to help me out like that fugly chick in the Geico commercials... that would make things infinitely better. In totally unrelated news, I just got an email to my student webmail account that states that the police have spotted a GODDAMNED WILD PANTHER ON CAMPUS. Just thought I should let you know. Oh, they also said "not to approach the wild animal" and to "let the police handle the situation." Stupid country cops.

Clemson 17, South Carolina 31

22 November 2007

CLARIFICATIONS AND OBSERVATIONS... AND RHYMING

First of all, I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving. I'll spare you the Tigernettish jokes about saving the chicken for Saturday.

Recently we've been getting more pageviews and inquiries from Clemson fans and other bloggers. One of the questions we are often asked is "What are you guys all about? Are you guys pulling for Danny to come back and coach at Clemson?" I thought I'd take a minute and clarify our position on this matter. The name of our blog, Danny Ford Is God, is meant as tongue-in-cheek. We wanted something that would immediately provoke a reaction from Clemson fans and detractors alike. It is, in part, playing off of the deification of Danny Ford displayed by so many old timers when talking about Clemson football. It's a condemnation and celebration of the Danny mythos. We love Danny Ford and have the utmost appreciation for what he did for Clemson (the good, that is, we like to forget about the probation). We also recognize his time has past. In no way do we want him to come back and coach Clemson. Another blog formed this year, Tommy Bowden Is God, which seems to be a response to this site from a pro-Tommy perspective. The thing is, we're not anti-Tommy. The name of our site isn't serious, we don't laud Danny each week as they play up Bowden's efforts. We're just a Clemson sports blog that tries (and sometimes fails) to add a little humor to the equation, not to take anything away from TBIG, they do a good job. As for Coach Ford, we wouldn't mind him being individually recognized in the Ring of Honor, but likely that'll never happen since a compromise was made and his name was added below the 1981 team in the ROH.

Next, there's been a lot of talk on Tigernet about how "true fans" (no such thing) don't criticize their head coach. Bullshit. While many people consider it the duty of a fan to support his or her coach, are we not ultimately fans of Clemson? Clemson is bigger than Tommy Bowden. I am a Clemson alumnus, my allegiance is to the University, not to any one man be he president or head coach. My allegiance to Tommy is tenuous and reliant upon his success at the university. I am not obligated to support him win or lose, just as I would not be expected to continue to support morally or financially a president or professor who fails to do perform to an expected level. I am not calling for him to be fired, that's not up to me and we're not going to get into that. Personally, no ACC championship in 9 years is pitiful, but we'll see how the rest of the season goes and what our administration decides to do, which is likely nothing. Winning the 2003 Peach Bowl is Bowden's crowning achievement in 9 years. Is this acceptable to you? Take it to the comments section.

Lastly, we got this photo from Jessica, one of our readers, of her rivalry week decorations.

Awesome.

20 November 2007

THE CURSE OF DANNY FORD, BY SAMBO

The Curse of Danny Ford



We’ve all heard of the Curse of the Billy Goat, the Curse of the Bambino (now, twice broken), and even the Chicken Curse (a curse created to hide the fact that their school is just terrible at, well, everything), which brings me to my theory. Why can Clemson not get over the proverbial “hump?" Simple, the Curse of Danny Ford! To better understand the hex that has fallen upon our school, here is a brief glimpse into history (cue the fog machine and strobe light):


  • After the 1978 regular season, the young Clemson Assistant Coach Danny Ford took over as Clemson head coach after Charlie Pell left for Florida, with his first game and win being in the famous Woody Hayes upper-cut game in the 1978 Gator Bowl.


  • From 1979-1989, Danny compiled a 92-29-4 (.760) record, a 6-2 bowl record, five ACC Titles, one National Championship, and several wins over Hall of Fame coaches including Joe Paterno, Bobby Bowden, Tom Osborne, Barry Switzer, Woody Hayes, and Vince Dooley.


  • In 1989, Clemson Athletic Director Bobby Robinson freaked out over the NCAA questioning Danny’s program about possible violations for the second time in his tenure and a feud with the coach over wanting to build an athletic dorm for just football players. So, Robinson hastily pushed the coach out the door. Thus putting an end to the Danny Ford Era at Clemson, despite having won a National Championship in the previous decade, despite having won five ACC titles in ten years, and despite making Clemson a national football presence.


  • Angered and confused, Danny didn’t coach for a couple years until he accepted the coaching position at Arkansas in 1993 and was fired in 1997, finishing with a 26-30-1 record. Despite the poor record, he did leave his successor, current head coach Houston Nutt, with plenty of talented players which lead to 9-3 and 8-4 records in his first two seasons.


  • As for Bobby Robinson, shortly after firing Danny, the Athletic Director was canned by university president Max Lennon due to pressure from boosters because of his letting go of arguable, the best coach in Clemson football history. As a side note, when Robinson was approached in a Clemson parking lot by local newscaster, Stan Olinick, a scuffle erupted between the two, on-air, when Olinick demanded Robinson explain himself about Danny’s termination. That explanation has still not been given to this day.

  • Clemson then hired Arkansas head coach Ken Hatfield, who coached for Clemson for the next four years finishing with a respectable 32-13-1 record and an ACC title.

  • In 1992, the Curse of Danny Ford befell on Clemson University.

How does all of this gibberish constitute that Clemson is cursed? Well, Clemson’s most successful coach in history was fired over a dispute with the athletic director. This was a situation that was far from worthy of Danny getting fired over, and a situation that could have easily been solved, however, that was not the case. Getting rid Danny Ford for Clemson is the equivalent of the Boston Red Sox trading Babe Ruth to the Yankees. Therefore, The Curse of Danny Ford was born.


Now, you may ask, “Sam, Ken Hatfield won an ACC title after Danny Ford left, doesn’t that negate your Curse theory?” You would think that, you na├»ve fan you. Hatfield won an ACC title with Danny’s players and if the man was going to curse our school, he didn’t want to punish his own players still at that school. So, the curse did not set in until 1992 season when Clemson missed going to a bowl game for the first time since 1977 (if you don’t count the years Clemson was on probation in the 80’s).


To further prove my point, here is a look at Clemson’s mediocrity of a program since Danny’s departure in an easy-to-read chart:



Year

Final

ACC

Bowl

Record

Finish

Ken Hatfield Era/Error

1990

10-2

5- 2 (2nd)

W - Hall of Fame Bowl v. Illinois

1991

9-2-1

6-0-1 (1st)

L - Citrus Bowl v. California

1992

5-6


Toilet Bowl

1993

8-3


W - Peach Bowl v. Kentucky

Tommy West Era

1994

5-6


Mediocre Bowl

1995

8-4


L - Gator Bowl v. Syracuse

1996

7-5


L - Peach Bowl v. LSU

1997

7-5


L - Peach Bowl v. Auburn

1998

3-8

1-7 (T-8th or last)

Does Last in ACC go to a Bowl?

Tommy Bowden Era

1999

6-6

5-3 (2nd)

L - Peach Bowl v. Miss St

2000

9-3

6-2 (2nd)

L - Gator Bowl v. Virginia Tech

2001

7-5

4-4 (T-4th)

W - Humiliation Bowl v. La Tech

2002

7-6

4-4 (T-5th)

L - Tangerine Bowl v. Texas Tech

2003

9-4

5-3 (3rd)

W - Peach Bowl v. Tennessee

2004

6-5

4-4 (T-6th)

Declined Bowl Invitation

2005

8-4

4-4 (3rd*)

W - Chump Sports Bowl v. Colorado

2006

8-5

5-3 (T-2nd*)

L - Music City Bowl v. Kentucky

2007

8-3*

5-3 (N/A)

Yet to be determined

*Atlantic Division Standing




As you can see, The Curse of Danny Ford has plagued Clemson football and explains a possible deeper meaning to their non-success in the past decade and a half. Since the curse, Clemson has done nothing worth of note on the national scene and their best bowl appearance was in the 2001 Gator Bowl when they got destroyed by the dog killer, Michael Vick and his Hokies. Also, in the past three years, Clemson has been a total of five points away from playing in the ACC Championship, but for some reason, were unable to get there. It’s as if a higher being or force won’t allow Clemson to make that one extra play or make one more field goal to win the one game that they would need to be considered something other than chokers and possibly even lovable losers. When other fans watch Clemson in big games, they all watch just to see when Clemson will blow it, when they will fold and create another chapter of Clemson football losing in dramatic fashion. Inevitable dramatic fashion.


Spinach is to Popeye as Chaw is to Danny Ford.


The Curse of Danny Ford is the only possible explanation for Clemson football not being able to be contenders, not being able to win, and being able to stop this rollercoaster of emotion, we fans call a season, in the station for good.

A LOSS GREATER THAN ANY 1 GAME...MAYBE 2

Goodnight, sweet prince. You died as you lived: drunk and confused. He will forever serve as a cautionary tale to warn us never to go bobbing for fried turkey.

18 November 2007

MACALLAN CUP UPDATE: HEARTBREAK EDITION

Well what can I really say, getting the most picks this week is little solace for the defeat suffered last night. One more week left in the season now though, and thus one more week for the Mac Cup. Unless a miracle happens, these standings probably aren't going to change much. Who knows though, you could be just tasting that scotch and BAM!, it's gone. Wow does that sound familiar. Here's what things looked like this week:


1) Sam +120 (8)
T2) Chili +115 (9)
T2) Lyrtch +115 (10)
T4) Tully +114 (8)
T4) Seigler +114(12)
6) Willy Mac +109(8)
7) NoleCC +94 (0)

THE BOSTON COLLEGE GAME

[Scene.]

Life: Hi there, Clemson fan, I've got something for you, something you've wanted for a loooong time!

Clemson fan: ZOMG! What is it??

Life: It's a brand new puppy! *holds up puppy* Your favorite kind of puppy, the breed you haven't had in years!

Clemson fan: *dancing* Oh man this is the greatest thing ever! I miss having a pet! This is going to be awesome! I will love him and hug him and pet him!

Life: That's sweet.

Life extends its arms, cradling the happy lil puppy, towards Clemson fan.

Life: Here you go.

As Clemson fan reaches towards the puppy, Life draws back, and in one swift motion snaps the puppy's neck. Puppy arfs, dies.

Clemson fan: WHAT THE HELL, MAN!?

Life then stabs Clemson fan in the balls.

Life: GOTCHA BITCH! HAHA! OH MAN YOU TOTALLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GETTING A PUPPY BUT I JUST STABBED YOU IN THE YAMBAG INSTEAD! PWNED!!!1!

[End Scene]


16 November 2007

BOSTON COLLEGE PREVIEW

#18 Boston College (8-2, 5-2) @ #15 Clemson (8-2, 5-2). Saturday, Nov. 17th, 7:45 EST, ESPN2, XM Radio 191. WCCP FM 104.9 - Live feed.

Line: Clemson -8, over/under 52.5

Edge Goes To:

Offense: Push (Clemson and BC are neck and neck atop the standings of ACC total offense)

Defense: Clemson

Special Teams: Push

Intangibles: Pushhhhhh. Both teams are playing for the division title. BC desperately needs to salvage their nosediving season before they end up back in Boise. Clemson has gone nowhere but up since being mugged by VT and could bring the school its first ACC title since 1991 with a win here and in Jacksonville.



Our panel of 16oz Jimmy Dean Sausage fans say:


Chili: Clemson faces one of the tougher run defenses they've seen all year in Boston College. Boston College faces one of the stoutest pass defenses they've run into. Tastes great! Less filling! You got cocaine in my heroin! You got heroin in my cocaine! I have been pretty preoccupied thinking about this game in terms of the ramifications of a Clemson loss or win. A win gives Clemson the Atlantic Division title and sends them to Jacksonville to play the winner of the Hokie-Hoo game. A loss would squash the Tigers' momentum and send them reeling into next week's matchup with Sakerlina. I think Harper takes over the Matt Ryan role and exploits BC's injured defense. If BC switches up their D to stop the pass, we go to the run. Conversely I think Ryan finds his receivers as he's done in the past. This game should be epic, and go down to the wire. I have to pick Clemson in this one.

Clemson 31, BC 24


Seigler: This is probably the defining game of Tommy Bowden's time at Clemson. This could also be the game that makes or break his season. Really, even if we manage to beat the Gamecocks next week, 9 wins will mean nothing without a spot in the title game. I expect Clemson to be well prepared, Cullen Harper hasn't felt Willy Korn breathing down his neck this year as much as some of us predicted, but he knows that the pressure is on if he wants to stay on top of the depth chart. Harper will continue his superb play this weekend, and lead the Tigers to a victory, however small the margin may be. I expect this to be a hard fought, close game, much like the last two meetings between these teams. Of course there is always a chance for the Tigers to stink things up in style but I just can't see a meltdown happening this week. True, BC needs to win to stop their slide and prove they weren't completely overrated all year, but I just can't see their awesome offense overcoming our awesome defense. They will rely on the pass and Clemson seems to be one of the best in the nation at defending against the pass. I think Matt Ryan might get very close to Phil Merling and others this weekend and he probably won't like the time they spend together. I look for Davis and Spiller to continue their good play. I'd really like to see Davis hit the 1,000 yard mark this game, but BC has a decent run defense. We won't be able to really rely on one facet of our game this week and I'm hoping Rob Spence knows that. BC's special teams will have to work hard to stop CJ Spiller this week and I'm hoping he'll continue his resurgence and run all over them. If things go according to plan this game will be all Clemson, despite what the scoreboard might say. I'm looking for Clemson to cover:

Clemson 35 BC 21


Willy Mac: I'm really not trying to be a homer. I've looked at games on my Tivo for both teams. I've been thinking about this game since the open date. I've gone back and done my homework. I've been thinking about it a lot. My worries have come less and less the past few weeks as Boston College has looked shaky since their encounter with Virginia Tech. I really think that their run defense is stout but key injuries will help us running the ball against them. I think our passing attack will cut their terrible pass defense apart seeing as they've been making terrible QBs look like stunners all year. Defensively, if we can put as much pressure on them as we did Wake, and jumble Matt Ryan up, he's done. I think we get this thing wrapped up quick. Before you know it, you'll be throwing oranges at Hokies/Cavaliers in no time.

Clemson 38, Boston College 24

CLEMSON CLUB FOOTBALL TO FACE UNC

The Clemson Club Football president contacted me and asked me to relay the following info:

"We are a full pad, full contact team that plays in a local league consisting of many ACC schools. This Sunday at 2pm, we play UNC for the SCCFA (Southern Collegiate Club Football Association) championship. If you are sticking around Clemson for any reason Sunday afternoon, or can make it out, please come out and support the club team. The game will be held at the Varsity practice football fields near the baseball stadium. If you do come, please bring a chair if you wish to sit. Thanks for your time, and GO TIGERS!"

Not saying I'm involved, not saying I'm not, but if you're in town, please try to drop in and check it out. Check out their website here.

Believe it or not, he actually caught that pass in a game where our club team routed UNC, 39-15. (Photo: Max Thomason)

15 November 2007

KNOH YA FRIGGIN EEYGALS, BABY!

Due to my searing hatred for Boston College fans, I let Chili carry the workload for the "Know Your" segment with Eagle in Atlanta. For the record, I don't hate Bostonians, I just hate the residents of Chestnut Hill. I went up to the game last year expecting a friendly environment akin to ours. Not at all. We had to walk through the on campus dorm section to get the the stadium and were heckled and had things thrown at us. Imagine a UGA/Miami hybrid. Yeah, that bad. Here's our responses on his site.

A rough depiction of how Boston College's season is turning out.


1. How do we take BC's recent 2 game slide? Is this a minor setback or a Bowdenesque collapse? BC was probably overrated at #2 and surely underrated at #18, what ranking do you give them?

In my opinion it is too early to tell. Jagodzinski is in his first year and this is his first setback of any kind as a head coach. If he rights the ship and wins the division, then it is minor. If BC loses out...then it is a different story.
As for the ranking -- in my blogpoll ballot I slotted BC at 16 this week. Given the team's accomplishments, I think that's about right.

2. How do you think BC will attempt to exploit Clemson's defense? What's their gameplan versus our offense?

BC will throw because at this point in the season the offense is pretty one-dimensional. What has worked best, and what I expect to see more of, is a lot of delay routes over the middle to Tight Ends and RBs. BC was running the screen very well early in the season but as struggled lately. Teams have done a great job sniffing it out. It will be interesting to see if Steve Logan keeps going back to it.
On the defensive side, I think you'll see the same approach BC has used the past two years against Clemson -- try to shut down the run and prevent the big plays. It worked well in 2005, not so much in 2006 (Spiller's 80-yarder scant in Chestnut Hill was one of the best I've seen). Our pass rush has been pathetic, so expect Harper to have plenty of time to throw.

3. Your current head coach is a student of O-line guru Alex Gibbs, how much has his tutelage trickled down to your offensive schemes? Do you think the loss of O'Brien has adversely affected BC?

Jags did put in the Gibbs zone blocking scheme. The unit has had some growing pains getting used to it. In part because it is new and also due to injuries and some guys who were recruited for another system. It has trickled down to the offense. Unfortunately the results are the same -- BC didn't run the ball effectively last year and isn't running very well this year.
I don't think O'Brien's departure has adversely affected BC. It was time for him to go. After ten years, I think he wanted something new, the AD wanted something new and many fans wanted something new. It is still very early in the Jags' era and I have no idea how it will end (I think it will be a good time to be a BC fan) but I can say this with confidence -- BC would not have started 8-0 under O'Brien.

4. Is Ryan your Heisman pick? If not, then to whom should it go?

Who knows? Having a player in the Heisman talk is very eye opening. You realize how silly and subjective this whole thing is. I guess it is Dixon, but what if Oregon loses again? All I know is that Ryan has carried BC for two and a half years and will be a first round pick. I am not losing sleep over who gets the trophy.

5. What's your prediction for the game?

I always pick BC to win. I don't feel that great this week but still won't go against the Eagles. I think it is close and the BC defense finally gets back on track. BC 28, Clemson 20.


12 November 2007

MACALLAN CUP UPDATE

Another good week for all involved, but the time is running out for someone to overtake Sam. He's back to his normal form this week with 10 correct picks,which was good enough for third place. Tully continues his resurgence, winning this week with 12 correct picks ( but seriously, who in their right mind picks Maryland to beat the spread against BC). At least their were no pushes this week, let's hope that nonsense doesn't happen again. Here's how things shook out this week


1) Sam +112 (10)
T2) Chili +106 (10)
T2) Tully +106 (12)
4) Lyrtch +105 (11)
5) Seigler +102(11)
6) Willy Mac +101(8)
7) NoleCC +94 (6)

11 November 2007

WAKE FOREST : DOORMAT

The Tigers have finally put themselves where I've longed to see them, back in the race for the ACC title. This time I can really taste it too. Through the last three victories I've maintained my skepticism, but I think this Tommy led team is making a believer out of me. Every season it seems I get my hopes up only for them to be smashed over and over again, with this season seemingly being no different. Now, when this team sets foot on the field, they do so in a way that none other that I have watched has since I began closely following football. Let's hope this continues.

Now before everyone starts jumping on my case about flip-flopping on the whole Tommy Bowden issue, hear me out. If you have really watched this team in the past few weeks, they look like an entirely different team than the ones that showed up against the Techs, causing the vast majority of us to give up hope. I can taste a title after this weekend's showing, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. Let's take a close look at the game and the team now.

AP Photo- Patrick Collard
LIGHTNING- Back and Better than ever

Clemson did something this week they failed to do in the past 3 games, score first. Scoring often has not been a problem, but scoring first and scoring often is what I like to see. This was a dominant offensive game, without having to rely too much on our rushing attack, which admittedly, is not as much of a threat this year as it was last. I can only credit that to Cullen Harper, who has been so much better than advertised and taken a lot of the pressure off of Davis and Spiller in the backfield. Speaking of taking the pressure off of Spiller, it is great to see him finally hitting his stride. With Ford out for the season, the need for Spiller to be a big time play maker has been magnified. I don't know if he started taking vitamins, or got counseling or whatever, but he has certainly worked out of the funk that seemed to slow him down earlier this year and he is back, rejuvenated and ready to lead us to a championship. He also is helping me forget our special teams woes, which haven't been all that apparent in the last few weeks. Let's hope he runs another one back for a TD this coming week. Apparently that open date did more for him than we give it credit for.

His counterpart in the backfield, the always reliable James Davis, is really stepping up his team leadership this year and we really need to make sure he is given proper credit. We know Davis was the reason that Spiller did not transfer prior to this season, and now he's at it again, trying to keep players out of the draft so we can make a run at the BCS again next year. Rumor has it that Philip Merling and Michael Hamlin, among others, are thinking about trying to make the jump to the next level after this season. Davis himself is staying, and he wants his teammates around to give them all the best chance at another conference title and possibly, a BCS championship.

We can't stop talking about offense before mentioning Cullen Harper, who as I said before, has been amazing. It still pisses me off every time I think about him riding the bench while we suffered through a year of Will Proctor, I mean, what were they thinking? Harper now holds a few more records, and has shown us that he is mobile when he needs to be, scoring another running TD this week. The offensive line is doing much better at keeping the defense out of his face too, giving Harper more time to work his magic. It seems that the offensive woes that plagued us against Georgia Tech are long gone, though Wake's defense, by the numbers is pretty horrible. Aaron Kelly has been lights out for us too, and if he and Tyler Grisham continue to be such good targets, I don't think our offense will be slowing down. Kelly passed Derrick Hamilton this weekend to claim Clemson's record for receiving TD's in a single season with 11.

AP Photo-Patrick Collard

OUCH

I can't say enough good things about the defense. I think Riley Skinner will be seeing those guys in his dreams (make that nightmares) for the next week or so. I know he had to have felt like a tackling dummy after getting sacked that many times. Clemson is sporting one of the top defenses in the country right now, ranked 5th in all of division one. This puts us just behind big names like LSU, OSU, West Virginia and the "real" USC. The defense really has never been an issue with this team, and we need them to continue their dominating performances. Once again though, Wake's offense is admittedly, pretty horrible in comparison to other teams in this conference.

One last thing to bring up is a sticky subject lately. This doesn't mean that I think TB is a great coach, or that we should renew his contract or any of that other stuff, it just means that I'm slightly impressed with how he is handling this team this year. The two losses we suffered were pathetic, I know, but this team has turned things around in style. I know we give most of the credit to the players, but this whole "finish the job" idea was Tommy's. He knows that Clemson fans want championships and that's why he was brought in to coach our football team, to win championships. I was impressed with Tommy's spirit on the sidelines this game as well. Spiller is rejuvenated and has the spirit of a winner, and I think he's influencing the old coach a little bit too. Tommy argued some calls with alot of passion I don't often see from him. One of my main criticisms of him was his lack of activity when it came to getting calls overturned. He was really in the ref's ears a lot this week, and that helps his players out, knowing that he's going to fight for them. When the coach has a winning attitude, the team can't help but have a winning attitude. I've often said that Tommy plays not to win, but rather not to lose. In the past few weeks I haven't seen that. Tommy is letting the offense run up the score and it seems he wants to dominate other teams as badly as we want him too. Let's hope this is a new and improved Tommy Bowden. I still don't think he deserves an extension, but he can stick around through the bowl this year at least, we'll re-evaluate at the end.

All in all this was a classic performance. This was Clemson using the proper attitude and the emotions in Death Valley, to their advantage. Dominating Wake Forest, while not necessarily that impressive when it comes to numbers, was definitely a morale booster and a victory won on principle. We've got a lot of momentum built up, and BC seems to have lost theirs. Let's hope the Tigers perform like they have been and take the Eagles down next weekend.

08 November 2007

WAKE FOREST PREVIEW

Wake Forest (6-3 ,4-2) at #20 Clemson (7-2, 4-2) Saturday, November 10th, 12:00 EST. ESPN2, XM 191.

The Line: Clemson -9

Edge goes to:

Offense: Clemson

Defense: Clemson

Special Teams: Wake Forest

Intangibles: Push, because of Jim Grobe's relative success against Bowden matching up with a Tiger team focused on making it to the ACC Championship Game.

Our panel of pigskin prognosticators predict:

Seigler:
I don't really have much to say this week. It seems every week I come out and give two versions of the game, and neither is really correct. I think Clemson will take care of business again this weekend and move into the BC game with a lot to potentially lose. I think we've learned our lesson about looking past Wake. This finish the job campaign seems to be doing the trick, let's hope our recent successes are matched again tomorrow.

Clemson 21 Wake 17

Willy Mac: I'll give you what you want to hear. The basics are that we have a great run game and they have a great run defense. I expect us to have some trouble starting out, but we figure things outs. They have a terrible pass defense. If Wake did their homework and watched the VT game, they could capitalize on the special teams game and take over. If not, which is more than likely, we take control quick and keep it. Shades of the Maryland game.

Clemson 38, Wake 16

Chili: The normal on-air pundits have already weighed in on their opinion of the game, based on their media-standard short and fuzzy memory of the Tigers' football prior football seasons. I turned it to CSS the other day and a cadre of chuckling morons talked about the Tigers perennial tumble at the end of the year before moving on to more pressing SEC matters. Yes, if you've only watched the past year and a half of Tiger football maybe this is true, but Bowden has been known to rally the troops down the stretch and save his ass in years prior. I don't think Clemson is going to let us down this week. They know what's at stake here. Our offense is clicking really well and should continue to do so against Wake's subpar D. Our defense will do a good job containing Riley Skinner. I see this game as a battle with the Tigers pulling it out in the end.

Clamson 29, Wake 22

KNOW YOUR DEMON DEACONS

This week we bring you a "Know Your..." segment straight from the research triangle via our well versed friend over at the Wake Forest blog Old Gold & Blog, a clever play on Wake's color scheme "Old Gold & Black." Enjoy. Check out our answers on their site here.

Yoink.

Does Riley Skinner have enough talent to pull his team through if they falter on him? Differently phrased, how much of a bad ass is Skinner? He's a bit undersized, but he's shown sparks.

The thing that impresses me most about Skinner is the way he leads the team. If you look at his numbers, the only impressive one is his completion percentage (73.2%); his yards (1412) aren’t that impressive, he’s thrown more interceptions (10) than touchdowns (7), and in most categories isn’t particularly dominant. The thing that makes him a “bad ass” is the way he always maintains control of the offense. He makes good reads, shows poise at all times, throws mostly smart passes, and just finds a way to get the job done. Although we missed the field goal to beat UVa last week, it was Skinner’s two fourth down conversions that put us in position to win the game.

Is the Wake Forest defense as bad as advertised? They are ninth in total defense in the ACC, what’s the deal?

I hadn’t realized our defense was ranked that low, and frankly I’m surprised to hear it. Our run stopping has been very impressive this year, keeping 6 of our 9 opponents to less than 100 yards rushing. Our secondary has played very inconsistently this season, and not just from game to game, but even from play to play. Last week they allowed an unguarded UVa receiver to catch a pass and score a 39 yard touchdown without being touched 10 seconds from the end of the first half. Lapses like that are what kill our defense. The combination of a solid passing attack and a tendency to put points on the board makes Clemson’s offense very scary this week.

Do you have any key injuries? Who will you be missing if anyone?

No injuries of note this week. Fullback Rich Belton will likely still be out this week, however we haven’t seemed to miss him much. Although he will play, defensive end Matt Robinson has a history of injuries and has already been hurt a couple of times this year. If he gets hurt again, our lack of depth at DE becomes a factor.


How good is Josh Adams? Does he tend to be more of a North/South runner or more of a sideline-to-sideline back?

For a redshirt-freshman, Josh Adams is one heck of a running back. He didn’t start getting the large majority of the carries until our fourth game against Maryland, and still has 651 yards and 6 touchdowns. He also averages an impressive 4.8ypc.

Although Adams has the ability to run both north/south and east/west, I find him most impressive when he finds a hole between the tackles and takes off. His 83 yard touchdown run against Florida State was one of the most explosive runs I’ve ever seen out of a Wake running back. He’s going to be a special player for the next several years.

Now that Wake Forest has discovered football, what are some other sudden discoveries shocking the Winston Salem world?

Winston-Salem tends to lack in the excitement department. Nonetheless, it’s always entertaining to see how long it takes the incoming freshman to recognize the phallic nature of our largest building (seriously).

Yeah, I'd say that's a bit dickish.

05 November 2007

THE PROBLEMS I HAVE WITH YOUR MASCOT: WAKE FOREST

Most mascots are gross representations of the actual image that a school embodies. you could also say that mascots are just extreme caricatures of the animal/person/thing they are supposed to represent. Never the less, they're supposed to be over the top, zany, silly geese who's sole purpose is to entertain those who aren't enjoying the event at hand. I was thinking on the subject matter (probably when I was supposed to be either: a) Doing something important; b) Listening to my chick say something that I'm supposed to remember in the future.) and came to the conclusion that most schools tend to get a little carried away with what their mascots and it gets worse each and every year.

This is what I bring to you. A Peter Jennings-esque in depth report on the terror known as "Gross Caricaturization" that is sweeping our nation. Whether you are a Bull Dawg , a War Hawk, a Bronco, or a... a... Hurricane... or... uh... Wolfpack. Whatever you are, I'm gunning for you, son.

Not a bad depiction of a tiger/human fused genetic disaster.

It's not that hard to just have a normal looking mascot. We here at Clemson have a normal mascot. A tiger, granted it's generic mascot we don't get out of control. It doesn't have a crazy name, or terribly misshapen mongoloid head. It has the colors and designs that a normal tiger in the wild would have. He doesn't have a crazy tail or over sized appendages and/or digits. He's just a normal, functioning tiger that's not too much and not too little. Unfortunately, he does have a counterpart but thankfully it's not a "Mrs. Tiger" and on a positive note I've heard the Tiger Cub is in the process of being phased out. We'll conquer that hill another day.

Given the fact that we play them this week, I thought I'd take a stab at the Wake Forest Demon Deacon. Let's take a brief look at the damage we have to assess here:

Crank dat, uh... Deacon?

Demon Deacon... Christopher Lloyd... separated at birth?

Simply fucking frightening. Look at those eyes.

Let's cover the basics:

- Mongoloid head that we mentioned earlier - Check
- Grotesque features - Check
- Over the top costume - Check
- Crazy name - Check

Now, I'm assuming the university made up this mascot sometime in the 30's, 40's, or 50's... sometime back in the hey day. Granted, back then the thought of an ornery chaplain in the service of the devil must have been a terrifying thought. Now, mascots are supposed to be kid friendly... what's more opposite of kid friendly than a old man with crazy hair and a mean streak.

On to the appearance. That head is CRAZY big. Dude's sideburns are almost into his mouth. When's the last time you saw an old man and he was all scraggly bearded etc? This guy just looks like an old Stones roadie with a funky funeral parlor suit and a meth addiction. This guy has to have roots in Poland, I mean the chin? That big ugly nose? The bald head? Sorry to all our Pollack readers out there, but this guy is a bird of the same feather.

All around a great mascot that is timelessly frightening. I guess the biggest let down is you can't really do the trampoline basketball dunk with this costume because of the humongous head. Of course, I guess if it were just a normal old man it wouldn't really be that good of a mascot. It'd just be like the West Virginia Mountaineer. Except older. And he wouldn't wield an axe. And he wouldn't be drunk.

04 November 2007

MACALLAN CUP UPDATE

Well after a establishing a commanding lead, Sam is appearing more mortal every week. Tully took everyone this week though with 13 correct picks. The real story is the fact that there were three ( yes 3) pushes this week. Teams winning by exactly the spread is not cool, especially when you've got 7 guys trying to win a very fine bottle of scotch. Let's hope those shenanigans don't happen again. Keep getting those picks in guys, there are only 3 weeks left until a winner is declared. But even if you don't win this one, you might have the privilege of participating in some sort of bowl challenge, we'll see though. Enough about that, here's how things went this week:


1) Sam +102 (8)
2) Chili +96 (10)
T3) Lyrtch +94 (9)
T3) Tully +94 (13)
5)Willy Mac +93(10)
6) Seigler +91 (10)
7) NoleCC +88 (8)

DUKE RECAP

Hey there Rendrick, where ya been buddy? (AP Photo/Gerry Broome)

Clemson 47, Duke 10

Saturday, 12:18 pm, and my stomach is doing barrel rolls. That little lump was growing in my throat. Duke goes up by seven and I'm thinking "Here we go again." Three hours and a few beers later, well, you know what happened. The most interesting thing about us finally being able to take care of business in Durham is that now we might have an outside shot at the ACC Championship Game.

UVA was able to inch out Wake Forest by a score of 17 - 16. That dropped Wake to 4-2 in the conference, tied with us for the Atlantic Division right behind Boston College. I'd say that this weeks game against Wake Forest might be the most important game of the entire year. Keeping with our "Finish the Job" mantra or slogan for this year, this will be the first crucial step in doing just that. We need to beat Wake to take sole control over second place and put them out of the ACCCG hunt.

Of course, FSU decides to get good when it matters and beats Boston College in Chestnut Hill. If we beat Wake, there is a good chance we maintain that momentum and beat Boston College the following week for the following reasons:

- BC hasn't played anyone that good besides VT up until last night (and they got lucky against VT).

- We would have momentum as well as home field advantage.

- We have an excellent defense and if we can just figure out a good blitzing scheme we'll be able to get into and stay in Matt Ryan's head.

- They have a mediocre at best defense with a terrible pass defense.

Beating Boston College would make us first in the ACC (granted BC wins at Maryland this week, which they will more than likely do). Even though we would both have two losses, we would have the head to head match up win against BC and that would put us in the championship game against probably the winner of the UVA/VT game.

There, that's my half-cracked out, caffeine fueled, fingers crossed, little coin of hope that I'm throwing in the ACC wishing well.