30 January 2007


Dumb Shit on Tigernet: Volume 14


Let me delve into the mindset of Clemson fans when it comes to basketball. Well, I should say a certain sect of bandwagon fans. A lot of non-affiliated Clemson fans enjoyed rooting for our football team when they’re good, but generally there wasn’t a solid basketball squad to pull for. In this case, a lot of the fans would venture off and pull for another local team. South Carolina was out, UGa and GT were never powerhouses (minus Cremins, the 1990 Final Four, etc), so fans looked north for a team. Duke and North Carolina were both teams with tons of bandwagon fans. Clemson is rooted in agriculture, and a lot of diehard bandwagon fans tend to be good country folk. While both Duke and UNC are relatively snobbish, Duke was viewed as more elite, more “yankee-infested” and therefore a less desirable team to pull for. What I’ve seen are tons of supposed Clemson fans that wear orange during the fall and switch to baby blue in the spring. Now that Clemson’s cagers are making waves in the ACC, they’ve swayed many South Carolinians to root for the Tigers year-round. It is no stretch for me to say that Clemson fans are generally regarded as largely ignorant to the rules of basketball and the sport in general. I’ve found that this stereotype is a bit exaggerated and I think most of us know Clemson fans who know every bit as much as Tar Heel or Blue Devil faithful do on the sport, but by and large there is some bit of truth to it. This ignorance on some fans' part is the only explanation for believing Oliver Purnell worthy of being mentioned in the same sentence as Coach K and Roy Williams. In my opinion, Roy isn’t quite worthy of being compared to Krzyzewski. Notice how this guy immediately picks Roy over K. Last time I looked, the guy who choked for years at Kansas only to be “Guthridged” at his alma-mater by being given an insanely talented squad and going on to win the title (finally), needs about 2 more championship banners and 7 or 8 more ACC titles and Final Four appearances to be shoulder to shoulder with K. Purnell has a lifetime ahead of him to get close to these two’s achievements. Rodgod, you’re a basketball retard.

Another reason Clemson fans tend to be laughed at by much of the ACC is their belief that the entire league is conspiring against them. The evil refs, paid by the dark lord John Swofford have sworn a blood oath to job the Tigers out of a win whenever possible. The honest and blockheaded clock mistake at the end of the Duke game has only made this belief stronger, unfortunately.

This guy was even worried about a conspiracy before the game started.

Again, Rodgod proves that even though you have a dusty fart of an idea in your head, you don’t necessarily need to share it with the world.


I’m not calling this post out as dumb shit, because I think the Tigers have a great chance to win in Littlejohn, but I will say just to keep this post in mind. You’ll see it again in our postgame after the February 22nd game.

To counter my ramblings above as to the loyalty and “basketball IQ” of Tiger fans, some level-headed individuals actually realized that while blaming everything on the league and the refs is fun and easy, it doesn’t always solve a team’s problems.

Some Tiger fans decided to let the loss roll off like water on a duck’s back by approaching the situation with hilarious and timely jokes clumsily ripped from last summer’s now debunked headlines!!!!!!!! ROTFL!!!!!! LOLZ!! (also, no funny joke has ever been followed by the phrase "just having fun :-D")

These next two posts are from the people who reserved FIRECOACHPURNELL.COM the day he was hired. Seriously, we’re Clemson, and you’re complaining about 4 losses in a season? We used to roll that in a fortnight. Antebellum chronological terminology 4 life.

Caps lock: It’s cruise control for cool.

This post is a fantastic argument for IQ-based mandatory sterilization. Let’s not let these people reproduce, please.

And I’ll leave you with this comedy gold. Maybe the single most indecipherable and moronic post I’ve ever seen, and I’ve waded through more awful posts than I really care to think about.

29 January 2007


Look, I'm not judging, but I just saw Willy Mac's list of downloaded/shared music from OiNK (thank's Brad from 12th Manchild for hooking us up), and it looks pretty gay. Other than Loggins, Huey Lewis, and Hall & Oates, of course. I'm not saying it's gay, I'm just saying his downloads should come with AIDS. They're not homo, but you should listen to them while you sip an AZT cocktail. I'm not saying they're effeminate, but they should be listened to on a pink iPod Nano carried in a purse. I'm not saying his music selection is queer, but even Freddie Mercury thinks it's faggoty. I'm not insinuating that Willy Mac has the musical taste of a woman or a homosexual, but someone suggested he download Elton John's greatest hits and he claimed that was, as he said, "overly macho." Again, I'm not judging, but James Blunt says you're a pussy. James Blunt.

Two, count 'em,
two Fiona Apple albums? Dave Matthews? What the hell is this techno shit we can't even pronounce? Michael McDonald not in Doobie Brothers form? Look, I'm not judging, but what the fuck?

26 January 2007


Why, Danny Ford?!?!? WHY?!?!?

Willy Mac: Well, unfortunately, I called it: "Winner: Duke by 3 or less." I'm not happy about it either. Yeah, I feel we got shafted on the seconds right there at the end, but it wasn't a large enough margin to be arguable in reality. This just shows your have to play until the clock says "0:00:00" and just till "0:00:01" and expect to get away with it. Face it, we blew it right there at the end. The moons aligned. Fate decided that Clemson needed to go to overtime. But Duke did to us what they'd been doing all night long. Slashing through our defense and driving to the hole, uncontested. Time and time again, when games get rough and the refs let the teams play, Clemson just folds. Recipe to beat the Tigers on the court? And few elbows here, a couple of shoves there, two or three scratches, and one good nut check. the Tigers faired well on my checklist and played good.

From yesterday:

1) Clemson must have a good free throw day. If it is once again a sh*t day from the freebie line, count it as a loss.
Clemson actually had a stellar game, free throw-wise. And not just for Clemson, I'd say they had a top ten team type of free throw day yesterday. They went 10-11.

2) Clemson's wanting and willingness to rebound the ball. We desperately need to pick it up in this department. The Tigers have seemed kind of iffy and indifferent about going up and getting the ball. The entire team needs to show wanton disregard for human life and lay it all on the line at every opportunity to get a rebound.
Clemson just got out rebounded. ESPECIALLY on the offensive side of the ball. I hope you took note of that. I

3) Clemson can apply the full court pressure, they just can't let Duke run right through it and past it like GT, Maryland, and UNC did. They also need to concentrate on positioning and hustling back.
Yet again, something the Tigers couldn't do that ultimately led to their demise in the final seconds.

For those of you wanting to sulk, here's the ESPN box score/recap.

I grew up a Duke fan, and I still am. I will always be. My parents went there and I’ve always followed the Blue Devils in all sports. But I grew up in South Carolina and am a Clemson graduate, so I’m first and foremost a Tiger fan. There's some weird part of my brain that wants Clemson fans to get along with Duke fans, so this week was especially annoying to troll around on Tigernet. Really base, ignorant jokes about Coach K and his wife, were not really a surprise, nor were the comments about having to not only beat Duke, but the refs as well. Nobody thought to single out the clock operator. More on that in a minute.
In terms of the game itself, the officiating was solid, allowing both teams to be physical without fouling players out. The fouls were 10 to Duke and 15 to Clemson. A lot of Clemson fans complain about James Mays being fouled hard by McRoberts. It's absurd to take that one foul out of context -- you have to consider it as a larger part of the way the game was called. Clemson got away with just as many hacks as did Duke. Clemson is a more athletic team now and they were able to rough up the opposition. On the reciprocal side of the foul situation, they buried 10 of 11 free throws, almost unheard of by the Tigers. Everything that could've gone Clemson's way did, except of course for the clock at the end.
I really felt that Clemson could've passed the ball a lot better and should have relied on more cuts to the basket. With the exception of McRoberts and Nelson, Duke isn't very athletic. Clemson shot better from the field and from the line than Duke, but it wasn't quite enough. The clock issue will be remembered for years to come. Jay Bilas sums it up best in his writeup on the ESPN.com link above. The clock operator was right to put more time on the clock, however they put too much. We don't know if Duke still would've won in regulation and certainly don't know if Clemson would've been victorious in OT. In my mind the OT would've belonged to the Tigers, momentum seemed to be on their side as the game wrapped up.
Clemson fans are understandably bitter. However this is no grand conspiracy by Swofford of the ACC as a whole. .6 seconds is certainly enough time to get a shot off, though I'm not sure Hamilton pulled the trigger that fast. Tiger faithful should be proud of their team for taking a surging Duke team to the wire. What they are actually taking from the game, however, is increased bitterness for Duke, for ACC officiating, and for the world in general.


Throughout the next 219 days, we will not only be counting down till the first kick off of the 2007 Clemson football season, but we here at DFIG will be periodically posting a segment called... well... it's in the title you ass. Along with our blogger cousins from Tallahassee known as Chant Rant, we will preview the game as the off season progresses. The basic outline will be that we ask them questions, they answer, we post it here. It'll be vice versa on their site, so if you want to see our responses to their questions, go check out their site.

Let's hit the ground running:

DFIG: So, who's gonna be chucking the ball for the Noles next year?

Chant Rant: TBD. Bobby is on record as saying it's Jimbo's offense, implying he's not going to meddle. Jimbo has said everybody will get a fair shot in the spring. If it's truly a clean slate, many Noles think Xavier Lee will replace Drew Weatherford as the starter. Weatherford is less mobile and can't throw 70 yards downfield like the 6'4" Lee, but Bobby stubbornly stayed with Drew through most of the season. Why? Probably because of Weatherford's experience (he's started since the first game of '05). Lee has amazing talent, but he's inconsistent. X was probably caught in that vicious circle of not starting (unless Drew was injured) because of lack of experience — which only solidified Drew's tenure under center.

A dark horse candidate at QB is redshirt freshman D'Vontrey Richardson. This kid looked like another Charlie Ward at Lee Co. high school in Georgia. And if he impresses in spring practice, who knows? He could figure into the 2007 season. Maybe even in the opening game at Clemson — though not at QB. Fisher will make better use of playmakers than his predecessor. Richardson might show up as a wild card on certain plays — either as a QB, receiver or running back.

DFIG: What on earth is going on with your coaching situation??? How big of an effect do you think Amato and Jimbo will have on your team?

CR: The new coaches have made an immediate impact, both with current players and in recruiting. The well-documented problem from 2001 - 2006 was not only that Bobby couldn't fire his son Jeff who was under-achieving as O.C., but that the older Bowden had unfortunately replaced key assistants like Amato and Mark Richt with guys who, as it turns out, just weren't as good.

Mediocrity ensued. Finally, Jeff Bowden and our A.D. teamed-up behind Bobby's back to make a deal that would guarantee Jeff a secure job outside the athletic department. Bobby seemed devastated. But once he got over it, he re-dedicated himself to putting the best team possible on the field, as well as retaining his lead over Paterno as the winningest college coach of all time. With advice (and probably behind the scenes help) from people like his son Terry, Bobby put together what may be the best coaching staff in FSU's history, including:

Jimbo Fisher - Recognized as one of the very best O.C.'s in the country and possible successor to Bowden. Word is that LSU's offense would have been even more effective if Les Miles hadn't meddled in Jimbo's game planning and play-calling (apparently one of the reasons he left).

Rick Trickett - Molder of great OL at West Virginia. This guy is an old-school former Marine. Just what we need to whip our under-performing OL into shape, D.I. style. At Morgantown, Trickett consistently took two and three-star recruits and turned them into All-Americans.

Lawrence Dawsey - One of the all-time great Seminole receivers. Played several years in the NFL. Coached at LSU and USF. Great character guy who should get all the potential out of a talented WR corps that apparently wasn't well-coached in recent years.

Chuck Amato - Maybe a bust as a head coach, but a helluva defensive specialist that players loved. Also one of the best recruiters of that motherload of talent, South Florida. Chuck replaces Kevin Steele who went to Bama as Saban's D.C. Many Noles thought Steele would be the hardest guy to replace — as a coach, a recruiter, and as a guy the kids looked up to. Amato is one guy who can fill those shoes and we don't miss a beat. Besides, he coached at FSU for almost 20 years, so it's almost like he never left.

Bottom line on the coaches: Big upgrade in three out of four, and a wash with Amato replacing Steele.

DFIG: Offensively, are things looking up or are things looking dismal?? Who's the offense centered around this year?

CR: The offense should be more productive than last year... and more dangerous. The knock on FSU during Jeff Bowden's tenure was that the offense was too predictable. Fisher will fix that. He'll also do a far better job of developing our QBs than the former QB Coach. Meanwhile, Trickett will coach the OL to give QBs more time to throw, AND consistently open holes to improve the running attack. Dawsey will drill more disciplined routes and technique into receivers.

Who will the offense be centered around? Hard to say, since Fisher likes to have a balanced attack. But the RB who could get 1000 yards in '07 is Antone Smith, a great combination of speed and power. He reminds me of your guy, James Davis. I personally look for Xavier Lee to be Fisher's new Jarmacus Russell: a big guy who can throw it a mile, mobile enough to avoid sacks, and — while not Michael Vick — can pick up a quick ten yards or more if he has to run.

DFIG: If Bobby has another 7 - 6 year, what happens? Do you think FSU's crazy schedule (Bama in Jacksonville, @ Clemson on a Monday, @ Wake on a Thursday) will have a big effect??

CR: Another 7 - 6 year? I'm looking for at least 8 - 4, although we do have a tough schedule with 12 games and nasty non-conference showdowns with Florida, Miami and Bama. But if it's 7-6, I believe that will just fuel an even more intense desire for Bobby to win. Even at 7 - 6 it should be a much better team in '07, with a higher-scoring offense and a stingy defense (barring all the injuries to starters like we had in '06).

DFIG: Do you really think 2007 is a good turn around year?? Which players play the biggest factor in this turn around if it happens?

CR: 2007 should see a pretty dramatic turnaround. The new offensive staff will get much more out of the excellent talent that Bowden has recruited (Bobby may have become more of a CEO than a hands-on coach, but he's still as sharp as ever as a recruiter — and nobody closes better in a kid's living room). We'll be more balanced, able to run more effectively and throw to more disciplined receivers running a greater variety of routes.

Leading the way on offense should be: Xavier Lee at QB, Antone Smith running the ball, and 6'6" Greg Carr out jumping DBs for touchdowns. Another great talent that showed flashes of brilliance as a freshman is Brandon Warren. He is one of the top TEs in the nation coming out of high school, Warren has WR speed and moves.

On defense, just too many guys to name. But to spotlight a few: Andre Fluellen, who returns to DT from NG since Paul Griffin will be back from a season-ending injury. LB Marcus Ball (brother of former Ga. Tech QB Reggie Ball) would probably have been the ACC Freshman of the Year if he hadn't been lost to injury at mid-season. Look for Freshman All-American safety Myron Rolle to become a feared downfield headhunter after starting the last half of the year.

Just updated:
Ooops. Been a Nole so long I still associate the words "Miami" and "non-conference showdown". So sub the word "Colorado" as at least a tough non-conf. game. Why? The Buffs came within a whisker of upsetting UGA last year in Athens. And since our game is in Boulder, the thin air will give them as much of an edge as the heat 'n humidity gave us when they played in Tallahassee a few years ago.

BTW, to the poster who caught the error: your name calling was a classy touch. Especially when you signed off as anonymous.

Just for fun, here's a random picture of William "The Fridge" Perry decked out in camo.

25 January 2007


#17 Clemson (18-2, 4-2 ACC) @ #10 Duke (16-3, 3-2 ACC), Thursday, January 25th, 7 PM, ESPN, ESPNHD, XM Satellite Radio ch 191.

The Line: Duke -7

Edge goes to:

Offense: Clemson

Defense: Duke (Hard to argue cause Duke is 2nd in the nation on D)

Special Teams: Cle... wait, sorry, forgot this isn't a football preview.

Intangibles: Duke - They've beat 3 teams in a row by 20 or more points and they're playing at home in front of 9,314 screaming fans.

Chili: I think it's fair to say that most Clemson fans feel very confident about Thursday's game versus Duke. Many are predicting a hard-fought victory in Durham, and claiming an easy victory in their next match up with Duke in Littlejohn. The last time Clemson beat Duke anywhere was 19 games ago, over 10 years ago, and it was in Littlejohn. I was there that fateful day and watched as Duke, up by 2 with seconds left, lobbed a pass down the court to the wide open Greg Newton under the basket. The ball went through his legs, out of bounds, Clemson tied it up and won in overtime, 86-82. Though Duke was down that year it still was a sweet moment for Clemson fans everywhere.

Clemson is hoping to bring back some of that joy and toss it into the bubbling basketball bouillabaisse that is the 2006-2007 Clemson Tigers basketball squad. Clemson is having its best season since the Rick Barnes era, a time period and coach greatly overrated by most Clemson loyalists, in my opinion. Coach Oliver Purnell has finally installed the right caliber of players into his system to operate his furious defensive style.

Winner: Duke by 4

Willy Mac:
I'll keep it short and sweet. The game comes down to three things.

1) Clemson must have a good free throw day. If it is once again a sh*t day from the freebie line, count it as a loss.

2) Clemson's wanting and wilingness to rebound the ball. We desperately need to pick it up in this department. The Tigers have seemed kind of iffy and indifferent about going up and getting the ball. The entire team needs to show wanton disregard for human life and lay it all on the line at every opportunity to get a rebound.

3) Clemson can apply the full court pressure, they just can't let Duke run right through it and past it like GT, Maryland, and UNC did. They also need to concentrate on positioning and hustling back.

All around, Clemson needs to have their "A" game for sure. They need to keep it out of overtime and demoralize Duke immediately. Get the fans out of it and keep a good 5+ point lead throughout. I just don't know if they can though after having seen them flop in person vs. UNC.

Winner: Duke by 3 or less.


Willy Mac:
- American Psycho (Bret Easton Ellis, Vintage Contemporaries, 1991) – If you’ve seen the movie, and haven’t read the book then you need to pick this up. It follows most of the main points the movie, but the story flows better and it has much more to it. By much more, I mean much more gore and insanity. Not saying that Christian Bale did a bad job… he did an excellent job. What I’m getting at is that some of the stuff in the book, you just can’t put in a movie and hope to at least get an R rating. Plus, I don’t think any actor alive could do justice to some parts of the book. I saw the movie about three years ago. I picked up the book two months ago and still found it enjoyable and I also found it a very hard book to put down.
Chili: I brought this book along with me to the Furman O-Line Camp in 2000. Needless to say, I was the only one with such reading material. A great book, great commentary on the "Me Generation" and materialistic solipsism.

- The Nintendo Wii – If you can find one (good luck and countless hours of searching and calling stores), you’ll love it. It’s well worth the search and definitely worth the money. It’s one of the cheapest and funnest game systems on the market coming in at $250. Unlike most systems that are starting to charge $60 a game, Wii holds it down and stays with the previous par of $50. With games like Wii Sports, Zelda, and Rayman Raving Rabbids, it’s hard to put down the wireless controllers that you actually use as a sword/tennis racket/golf club/what have you (don’t forget to use the lanyard, unless you like hurling your controllers across the room, shattering them into pieces). Internet, weather forecaster, and old school game formats are available for download. One down side is the only way to connect to their store/internet stuff is wirelessly, there is no physical internet cable port on the system.
Chili: I was lucky enough to grab one of these things on their release date, and they've only gotten more popular since. Wii Sports and Wario Ware: Smooth Moves are awesome group games, while Zelda: TP offers a great single-player experience.Willy Mac and I will take on anyone in doubles Wii Tennis. Bring it.

- Indy IV - On Jan. 2, 2007, George Lucas and Steven Spielberg announced that they will bring back the Indiana Jones series in a yet unnamed movie due to shoot this June. The movie is set to be released in May of 2008. If they get Sean Connery to reprise his role in this new film, I might just shit a brick. TheRaider.net reported that Connery told a Scottish news publication that he is in fact considering coming out of retirement to do this film. Not really a recommendation, but hey.

- BC Powder - Look, it tastes awful, but it just freaking works. Whether it's a hangover or a non-alcohol related headache, a good powder will get you going. These packets of powerful powder are the main reason I was able to make it to Materials & Methods of Construction at 8 AM half the time.

Update: Also, added to the sidebar is an NC State basketball centered website entitled Section Six. Enjoy.

24 January 2007


Date - Opponent
Sept. 3 - Florida State
Sept. 8 - Louisiana-Monroe
Sept. 15 - Furman
Sept. 22 - at NC State
Sept. 29 - at Georgia Tech
Oct. 6 - Virginia Tech
Oct. 13 - Open Date
Oct. 20 - Central Michigan
Oct. 27 - at Maryland
Nov. 3 - at Duke
Nov. 10 - Wake Forest
Nov. 17 - Boston College
Nov. 24 - at South Carolina

Woof, next season is going to be painful to watch. A young and unproven O-Line, a possible quarterback battle, wide receivers that need to step up, and a weakened cornerback division... I'm going to start stockpiling my booze right now because there's a good chance I'll be wanting to wash away some painful memories next season.

23 January 2007


Dumb Shit on Tigernet, Volume 13

For close followers of the day-to-day drama of Clemson football, the first week of January was a Maalox masher as the Tigers’ most dynamic player, CJ Spiller, pondered transferring to the University of Flawda. Conflicting reports had him either enrolled in classes at UF or heading up to Clemson to join his teammates. I’ll spare you the intimates of the ordeal, but his 9 month old daughter in Florida had a lot to do with his dilemma. Spiller has since confirmed he wishes to stay at Clemson, but I’ll believe it when I see him in a Tiger uniform in the fall.

Now that I’ve set the stage, here’s what our ever-enlightened Tigernetters had to say on the subject.

Every once in a while I highlight a post that isn’t actually dumb shit; it actually stands out from other posts by being coherent and maybe even prescient. Here’s one:

A lot of people like to be clever on Tigernet by making daring or outrageous statements in the header of their message only to recant or put a humorous spin on said statement in the body of their message. These things are like Hallmark cards from Satan, only without Beelzebub’s trademark dry wit.

Always remember: football comes before family, and football is just like war. You’re a fucking soldier, son. The only school where football is like war is Tha U, only because you have a slightly higher risk of shooting death playing for the ‘Canes than fighting in Iraq. So, really, Winslow Jr. was right.

Again, not dumb shit, but a great response to someone suggesting that CJ read Tigernet, got mad at the dumb shit on there, and wanted to transfer. (Again a case of Tigernet grossly overestimating their impact on, well, anything at all)

While the CJ situation turned out in Clemson’s favor, we weren’t so lucky when it came to the fate of a certain 4-star TE recruit. Another site that charges rubes for free recruiting information and messageboards had apparently received an email from Gronkowski, the recruit in question, saying he would be a Tiger. This information seeped to the teeming masses of Tigernet and there was much rejoicing. Catchphrases had already been invented, as seen below. Like Get Crunk? Really? I’m glad you cleared that one up for me.

This is all part of the whole mindset of Tigernet. The brainwashed denizens actually believe that recruits, recruiters, players, and coaches are all reading every word that is typed on T-net and that maybe, just maybe, it’s their message of encouragement that is the one that pushes that recruit to the side of the Tigers. It leads guys like this to sound more than a little gay showering praise on an 18 year old.

Long story short: Gronk went to Zona.

This one is just a damned gem:

Attempting to separate yourself from other mouthbreathing internet prognosticators – check. Calling out the media – check. Dictating fandom to virtually nonexistent Clemson Basketball bandwagon fans – check. Insult to Duke/Coach K – check. If this guy possesses little to no knowledge about the rules of basketball or the mechanics of a good team, and if this guy hates/idolizes Rick Barnes then he has all the criteria for Clemson basketball fandom. Also I love how he capitalizes Internet People and Media Clowns like these are real terms, and then calls out ‘internet losers’ later in the rant, neglecting to capitalize that. Is one an official term and the other just a nickname? Also, what makes this guy not an internet loser? I think you know the answer to that.

Now, c’mon. Clemson basketball couldn’t beat Florida basketball, Clemson football probably couldn’t even beat Florida basketball. I’m sure we beat them at something, but I haven’t figured that out yet.

There are days that go by where I don’t think I’ll ever accrue enough quality material to make a decent DSOT, guys like this come along and brighten my day. I’m honestly hesitant to knock this guy because I shudder to think that there are people this dumb out there, but then again I guess Gamecock recruits and fans have to come from somewhere. This guy could be a Clemson fan posting as a Gamecock fan on a Clemson board trying to make Gamecock fans look bad. Trippy. I’ll just take it as it is, and keep this post as a perfect example of Cock Logic: IF your team sucks THEN brag about your conference. IF there is a next year THEN your team will surely be conference and national champions in that next year. IF it IS next year, REPEAT. IF your team beats Clemson THEN pretend you haven’t lost 8 out of 10 (or whatever the hell it is) AND pretend you’ll never lose again.

Finally, GOONIETIGER sums it all up for us.

That's all for now, but you know there's more around the corner.

22 January 2007


- Do not get Sprint/Nextel. I was on Nextel, and I didn’t like it for these reasons: Bad… Bad.. TERRIBLE service; You could constantly be reached on the two way and it was the most annoying thing every invented for a phone; and it just didn’t let you do as much as you can do with a lot of phones i.e. put songs and pictures on your phone. Nextel definitely caters to companies that do a lot of construction/engineering type of work. Then I switched over to Sprint once my Nextel plan was up. Yet again, bad idea. I don’t like Sprint for the following reasons: You can put like four songs on it but it’s a huge hassle and you can’t use the song as your ring tones; same deal with pictures, whereas you can’t use them as your background or phone ID tags; the ring tones that you have to buy through Sprint are $2.50 a pop and expire after 90 days, trust me, I tried to get around it and I refuse to pay for ring tones that expire; lastly, everything (texting, web, SMS, etc) costs money. They nickel and dime you to death. I do like Sprint, I’d just rather have fun with my phone. Also, called up to switch my account and encounter a little rudeness. I called back, complained, and they shipped me out one of those Bluetooth thingies for free (I’m pretty sure that “thingy” is the appropriate and technical term for the device, although I’m not 100% on that.)

- Chili here. If you want to bypass all that bullshit about paying for ringtones, just get a foreign phone that has quad-band capabilities. The US cellphone market is built on squeezing every last dime from you and making you pay for every stupid like ringer and wallpaper, for the most part. There are a few phones out there that allow you to easily transfer things but I've had more success purchasing quad-band phones from an importer called Dynamism and popping my Cingular SIM card in it. Not only do you not have the same phone (RAZR) as everybody and their mother, there are less DRM restrictions to keep you from customizing your phone. Also, hasn't having "cool" ringtones gotten old yet? Nobody gives a fuck that you have the newest Chamillionaire track as your ringer or that you have maybe some old funk tune for when your grandma Esther calls. A year or so the trend was to have an old fashioned sounding ringer as your ringtone. Maybe the new hotness should be a ringer that just yells at you to pick up the phone.

Well... Well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damned customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?

- We’d like to welcome some new sites to our blogroll and links on the sidebar to the right. Among them are the University of Texas rooted Burnt Orange Nation. Next up is Sports Blog Nation who courted Chili and myself recently to join their ranks. Although we felt flattered, we feel that we’d like to remain independent for the time being. Also, a well put together Maryland Terp blog known as Turtle Waxin’ joins us from above the Mason Dixon. Lastly, we've added some more Seminoles in the form of Chant Rant.

- Chili here again, I don't know if maybe we weren't officially part of the ballot or whatever, but the BlogPoll Awards absolutely shat on us this year. We had a ton of votes and weren't even mentioned in the nominees. Not even for best new ACC blog. I mean, what other new ACC blogs are there out there? Exactly. Maybe next year we'll have our correct papers and the BlogPoll won't Indiana Jones "no ticket" us out of the goddamned blimp that is the college sports blogosphere.

- This has got to be said again: we need Clemson fans over at The Rant messageboard. It's nothing but dawgs over there and we need some (Bowden buzzword warning) parity.

- Brad at The 12th Manchild is reporting that UT lawyers are suing a College Station t-shirt store for desecrating the Longhorn logo. Said logo, a silhouette of the famous Bevo, has its horns sawed off and pointed downwards. This is usually accompanied by the phrase “Saw em’ Off!” My take on this is this thing has gotten way out of hand. The lawsuit was filed about a week after the Horns lost to the Ags in November, but as pointed out on The 12th Manchild, the lawsuit has probably been in the works since before the game was even played. It’d be like if USC tried to sue Tiger Town for having shirts that say “Beat the Cocks” or showing caricatures of a Tiger choking a chicken. I know that’s hard to grasp, but it’s in the same ballpark. As a neutral in this fight, I can honestly say that the t-shirts are a neat idea and I don’t see why UT waited so long to sue and pursue a cease-and-desist because the shirts have been around for a few years now.

19 January 2007


Yacht Rock. Oh yeah.


The following e-mail was forwarded out to the Clemson University staff and student body:

Dear Clemson:

Later today, we will announce that the Clemson/Florida State football game, our 2007 season opener, will be moved to Labor Day evening for national broadcast by ESPN. We made the decision to move the game at the request of the ACC after carefully considering all of the advantages of the national visibility and excitement that accompanies this Monday night game, along with the disadvantages of managing a high-profile event on a regular class and work day.

One significant advantage is that this move will eliminate any Thursday night games, either at home or away, for the remainder of our 2007 schedule. By coming near the beginning of the semester, it will not interfere with scheduled mid-terms or other events. A third advantage is that we have eight months to plan for the game. I will appoint a task force to develop a game-day management plan that addresses class and lab schedules, office hours, parking and other matters that don't typically arise on a Saturday.

We have a campus full of smart and creative people, and I am certain that you can help us make this opportunity a positive Clemson experience.

James F. Barker, FAIA

Hmm, Monday night game to open the season??? Meh, doesn't matter what day of the week, just so long as we get the W.


Well, Clemson just got finished being pulverized by UNC, and they looked pretty bad. If your team is not making any three’s, stop shooting more! But, what did we expect, Clemson to beat an extremely talented Heels’ team? I just hoped that they would hang and make it a fun game to watch, but I lost all interest at halftime. The good news is that Boston College’s best defensive player (possibly the country’s best defensive player) was kicked off the team for doing something stupid, so we at least have some hope of winning that one this weekend. Otherwise, here are my random thoughts, enjoy:
  • Big 10 Football was discovered to be overrated, both of their big-time teams got blown out in their BCS bowl games, Ohio State got bitchslapped by Florida and Michigan did not get a happy ending against the real USC. But why? Underpants Gnomes.
  • How has the fat guy on Lost gotten larger since living on a deserted island?
  • So, I was looking into what movies are going to be coming out next summer and the summer will be full of sequels. With the expected ones like SpiderMan 3, Pirates 3, and Die Hard 4, but who in the hell thought it was a great idea to fund a sequel to Alien v. Predator? If they are going to make a garbage film like that, then there is still hope of Zoolander 2.
  • BCS Championship Game? Playoff System? Or Caged Death Match?
  • I read an article on how smoking cigarettes can help prevent Alzheimer’s disease. Well, duh, if you are dead from smoking, of course you cannot get Alzheimer’s. It’s like saying that juggling chainsaws will help prevent erectile problems, but then again, if you can juggle chainsaws, you should be getting laid constantly and should have no problems getting it up.
  • When was the last time anyone actually watched an NBA game? I can’t.
  • When will the Atlanta Falcons learn that Michael Vick is the most worthless starting QB in the NFL? They claim he needs more time to learn the system, because apparently three years was not enough. And then he got stopped (but not arrested) in the Miami airport for having a secret compartment in his water bottle which reeked of pot. Apparently when asked about the bottle, he folded under pressure and couldn’t throw it away. Ba-da-ching. Also, I thought you had an entourage to take the fall for that sort of thing, especially since he is highest paid player in the league.
  • What ever happened to the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers? That pink one was hot.
  • The Adam LaRoche (the greatest baseball player in the Universe) Update: Adam or Rochy, depends on how well you know him, was traded by the Atlanta Braves this week to the Pirates for a worthless closer and minor league shortstop. I feel, since I am unbiased about the situation, that the Braves got screwed on this deal. Rochy is worth the entire Pirate’s Major League team and AA team only, not to mention some of their all-time greats, even if they are old as hell. They should have held out for more, but then again, they did break their 14 consecutive Division Championship streak last year, which proves they are run by a bunch of monkeys (so imagine that Careerbuilder commercial except the monkeys are wearing baseball caps and you’ve got the Braves).
  • I always thought that Justin Timberlake was a shmuck until I saw this:

17 January 2007


I'm in Charleston this week, expensing lobster bisque and filet mignon dinners, so my posting is down to a minimum this week. I will leave you with these words of wisdom, and when I return, I'll have a new DSOT for everyone. Until then; the wisdom of Tracy Morgan.

16 January 2007

Clemson Baseball: Where we’ve been… Where we’re headed…

When I hear the word “baseball” come to mind, I’m reminded of smells, tastes, sounds, and good memories. Smells like sweat and dry, freshly raked dirt. Tastes like sunflower seeds and Gatorade on a hot afternoon. Sounds like the distinct “ping” of a metal baseball bat coming in contact with a baseball. Memories like watching Matt LeCroy, Kris Benson (pre-crazy wife era), and Dexter McLeon win the ACC Tournament at the old Greenville Braves stadium after having played a baseball game of my own just a few miles down the road in Mauldin. Some of those great memories come from my own experiences of playing the game in my back yard with my brother and dad, some of those memories come from my own experience as a little leaguer, but the best memories come from days spent at Doug Kingsmore Stadium. Obviously, the game of baseball has been around longer than any of us have, but it’s something that is important to us Americans as our basic everyday freedoms in life. It represents the every day pleasures in life that Americans have the privilege of partaking in.

Successful baseball programs have usually had a history of success that they build upon to continually win championships. Prime examples are the New York Yankees, the Atlanta Braves, and the Chicago White Sox. Clemson has seen it’s history built upon success since 1958, the year the Tigers won their first ACC Regular Season Championship. It was also the first year that they played in their first College World Series.

The Clemson baseball program is fortunate enough to have seen two great coaches in Bill Wilhelm and his protégé, Jack Leggett, build the Clemson legacy. Wilhelm coached for 36 years and built a dynasty by leading the Tigers to sixteen Regular Season ACC Championships, seven ACC Tournament Championships, and five College World Series appearances. Coach Wilhelm practically built a respected college baseball dynasty from the ground up.

Jack Leggett: Triple G... Triple OG

In 1994, Coach Wilhelm passed the reins on to assistant coach Jack Leggett. Coach Leggett had been the recruiting coordinator and assistant coach during the 1992 and 1993 seasons. Leggett has continued to build upon the Clemson baseball dynasty by tacking on three ACC Regular Season Championships, two ACC Tournament Championships, and five more College World Series appearances during his twelve year tenure. Coach Leggett even achieved all three feats last year. Leggett’s crown jewel is leading the Tigers to the semifinals of the CWS, just barely being edged out by rival South Carolina (who went on to get shellacked by Texas… sorry, I just had to add that in there). If not that, in April of 1994 and 2006, Clemson ascended to the #1 ranking in the nation according to Collegiate Baseball. The rankings were just the second and third #1 rankings in Tiger baseball history. Seven times in 1994, Clemson defeated a team ranked in the top three in the nation under the helm of Jack Leggett. He also led Clemson to the number one spot in many baseball ranking polls last season, and achievement which they held for a few weeks.

Will the Tigers be celebrating another trip to the CWS come June? I think so.

The Tigers have already been ranked #2 and #3 in the Collegiate Baseball and the Baseball America preseason polls, respectively. Clemson looks to be one of the stronger teams in terms of returning starters. “We must replace some of the good players from last year’s team, but the nucleus is back,” said Leggett. “We have a strong group of infielders returning, as all four starting infielders from last year’s team are back. I don’t think that has ever happened since I’ve been coaching.” The Tigers must concentrate on replacing Catcher Adrian Casanova and outfielders Tyler Colvin and Travis Storrer.

This past off season, Leggett signed fourteen highly touted recruits to build to the Clemson baseball dynasty. I think that I can say for sure that if Jack Leggett hangs around, my kids will be able to see Clemson turn into an unstoppable baseball program. That is... if we can actually WIN a World Series... but I feel pretty confident that this year is special. Of all the teams in the ACC, we are by far the strongest.

12 January 2007


An anonymous commenter had this to say about our namesake Danny Lee Ford and I thought I would post it and get y'all's opinion on it. Does Danny deserve a shot at the CFB HoF?


Danny Ford is a coach worthy of hall of fame consideration given his overall won-loss record of 76% at Clemson including his impressive record of winning well over 60% of his games against either hall of fame coaches or hall of fame coaching candidates. His winning a national title in 1981 puts him in an elite class of coaches which makes him worthy of at least consideration to the hall of fame. Many Clemson alumni feel this way; however, it is important we get out the message across the country.

10 January 2007


Clemson improved to 28-0 with Mays in the lineup with this past Tuesday's win over N.C. State. He led the Tigers to an 11-0 start last season before he was declared academically ineligible, and the team went on to lose 10 of 13 games. Hamilton's speed and leadership has been an obvious and very visible factor in all of Clemson's wins this year. K.C. Rivers was referred to as the "Best Bench Player in the ACC" by the announcer's during the N.C. State game.

"Free Throws were a key to the win against Georgia Tech. We have been working hard at free throws all season, and our work is beginning to pay off. Over the Christmas break, we held numerous free throw only practices during the morning. This has really helped our players’ fine tune their routines and step to the line with confidence. We are going to continue to shoot a lot of free throws as a team and individually, as many ACC games this season will come down to the line and we want to be prepared." - Purnell on Clemson's biggest concern. Freebies turned out to be the downfall of the Clemson Basketball season last year.

The Tigers, ranked 17th by the Associated Press and 14th in the USA Today poll, will face #25 Maryland on Saturday at 2:00 p.m. The game will be televised on ESPNU.

K.C. Rivers continues to punish teams with his clutch three-point shooting.

08 January 2007


Please heed the fact that these are, once again, rumors.

It's reported that Rich Rodriguez, former Clemson Offensive Coordinator and current West Virginia head coach has been making phone calls to Clemson Assistant coach Ron West. Apparently Rich Rod needs help with linebackers?

Also, NC State and head coach Tom O'Brien are snatchin up some coaches like a muhfugga. They've gone pillagin across the land and they're pitch forks and torches have come to Clemson, SC. They've got their eye's set on David Blackwell. If we lose him and Dabo Swinney, we're going to be in trouble in the recruiting department. Looks like the entire coaching staff is putting on their swimming trunks and wanting to jump ship if Bowden gets the boot. Or... is it all part of Bowden's plan to keep his job? The old "If I go, they go" deal.

DFIG still searching for some credibility: "Man, we ain't found SHIT!"

07 January 2007


Two days after yanking their offer, FSU has decided they still heart Jimbo and hire him as OC. Great pickup for the 'Noles.

Calvin Johnson is leaving GT for the NFL.

Sidney Rice is leaving USC for the NFL.

The ACC will name a new Director of Football Officials next week, as current Director Tommy Hunt is retiring. Doug Rhodes, a retiring backjudge from Virginia will take the spot.

Bobby Petrino of Louisville is headed to Atlanta to coach the Falcons and have his career killed by Michael Vick and the ever-nosy Artie Blank. Louisville has already found a replacement in Tulsa's Steve Kragthorpe.

05 January 2007


The halls of the IPTAY office are clamoring with rumors of the Clemson football program being turned upside down. Many of our coaches are being courted by other programs and a lot of money is in the talks.

First and foremost, The University of Georgia has offered Clemson Offensive Line coach Brad Scott a juicy contract for his services to be rendered in Athens. This is official and not just a rumor. Word is that they have been talking to him since early 2006 about jumping ship.

Secondly, all I'm gonna say is that Alabama has been doing a mating dance for Dabo Swinney practically since Clemson hired him. I wouldn't blame them since he's a ridiculous recruiter for Clemson. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't pick him up now that Saban is packing his bags for Tuscaloosa.

Finally, it seems that Danny Ford has been answering prayers after all. Word is that some guys with a lot of money that swing big sticks and donate bundles of money to IPTAY and Clemson have been visiting the offices and with the higher ups about getting rid of Bowden and finding a new head coach. I don't know what it is that Bowden does to keep his job usually, but he'd better really turn up the effort.

Please, this is all rumors and watercooler talk, so don't take it as cold hard facts.

03 January 2007


As a reminder, the guys over at MGoBlog are having a blog awards for the college football spectrum.

Please click this link to go to the ballot. You can only vote every 24 hours, but please, vote as much as you can. Simply paste in www.DannyFordIsGod.com into the categories you think we should win.

Obviously since a lot of other blogs out there have cornered the market on other categories and we can't be the best Big Ten blog, we're wanting you to stress us in the following categories: Dr. Z Award, Best New Blog, Chris Berman Antimatter Award, The Old Faithful Award, and Best ACC Blog. The rest of the categories are up to your descretion.

The Chris Berman Antimatter Award is for a popular catch phrase invented over the year and we'd like for you to submit "Frank Beamer's Neck Bubble" by simply typing that in and copypasta the following link as well:


The Old Faithful Award is for a recurring post that has hilarity. We are submitting DSOT. Simply follow the same previous guidelines and don't forget to write "Dumb Shit On Tigernet" and not just DSOT. Copypasta:


For other categories, we would like for you to support our bloggers-in-arms on our sidebar and vote respectively for them

Our votes are as follows:
Best Big Twelve: http://the12thmanchild.blogspot.com/
Best Big Ten: http://runupthescore.blogspot.com/
Best SEC: www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com

Lastly, we gotta holler out to ol' Bill Kristoph from Scalp Em for the The Sports Fans that Don't Cry Award. It's for the blog that had a vomit inducing season, yet managed to put on their smiles and trudge to their seats in the bleachers every Saturday. Copypasta:


Also, if you want to check out the ads on the side of the page, feel free, it helps us out a lot.

Thanks again and don't forget, stay in vegetables and eat your school.


You know, usually we give things two days to cool off after a loss... then one of us will write the wrap up. Well, I got to Monday afternoon and turned on my DVR and started to watch the game. Then I had to stop. It made me physically ill. A wave of terrible memories of the sights, smells (mostly of the drunk and ugly KU fans), and etc etc [insert hack material and terrible, corny jokes here] of last Friday's clusterfuck of a bowl game came rushing back to me.

Let me start by saying this much. If you like Myrtle Beach, and I mean, genuinely like the tourist trap aspect of it, then you'd love the Gaylord Hotel. The rooms and the hotel itself is nice. There's a problem though, its like five HUGE hotels connected by two giant malls and a huge courtyard. Every convention you could imagine was in Nashville staying at the Gaylord Hotel. We get to the hotel at 8 PM only to be informed that our rooms are not ready. Check out is at 11 AM. Check in is at 3 PM. We get to the hotel at 8 PM only to be informed that our rooms are not ready. On top of all this, of course we have some disgusting woman who takes no pride in personal appearance (she was more of a pear shape rather than a coke bottle... I'd never seen a fat girl without big boobs until I met her.) Then we finally get a desk manager of the age of 26 who informs us that he graduated from Hampden Sydney and that the Gaylord Hotel is HIS hotel and he will have us escorted out if we continue to act displeased, even though it is completely justified and even though we were treated poorly and we get to the hotel at 8 PM only to be informed that our rooms are not ready. Have I mentioned that? I calmly explain to him that he is a closet homosexual and his degree is worth shyte. Then we finally get the on shift manager who explains to us that the hotel is very sorry and that they have overbooked. We were finally given some decent rooms and some compensation... by the way, the hotel manager that helped us out graduated from South Carolina of all places. Long story short, the average fuse on a member of the Mac family is very short.

When we arrived at the shithole that was the Tennessee Titans stadium, it was flooded with blue and white with nary a bit of orange to be seen. We were totally outnumbered. It would have been neat if UK fans were as cool as TAMU fans, but not so much. Imagine USC fans dressed in blue and white that are far more desperate. To accompany the UK fanbase's already growing annoyingness... was their cheer. C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! I got into an argument with a UK fan after I had simply chanted "J-E-T-S JETS! JETS! JETS!" He asked me, "Jyust whut are ewe trayan tuh imply there sitty boy." Floored for many reasons, I stated that Clemson was far more of a country school than UK, we've just been to a few bowl games and know how to act/dress/talk/handle ourselves at them. Then I stated that any team in sports with three to six letters in it's name does the SAME stupid cheer. He quipped, "Well ya'll do it to!" I informed him that unfortunately for his argument, our cheer was steeped in rich military tradition because it is an actual cadence count that cadets would sound off with while marching... while their's was just made up *cough, stolen, cough* some drunk Saturday. Yes folks, I got into a shouting match with a UK fan over which teams cheer was better. And yes, my ego was stroked after I won. I know, I'm an idiot and an asshole. Deal with it. Well, his closing argument was "Well, yeah? Fuck you." Me. "Ok. good." UK fan. "Yeah, I said it." Me. "I heard you... congratulations on your bowl invitations the past seven years... wait... that didn't happen." The guy was plastered so I pulled anchor before fists started flying and just made my way to my seat in time for the game. The Nashville jail did not sound pleasing to me.

Finally, the game. Here is my assessment after finally making it through the replay.

- Proctor, Stuckey, the team, overall played well, but only one stat counts. I pretty much expected Proctor to blow the game but he gave a genuinely good effort and didn't screw anything up... for the most part. There were some bad decisions, but he's a first year QB so that's expected. The team played hard and for that I am proud.

- Overall coached poorly. We abandoned the running game that was killing UK. I don't understand why you would do that. Davis and Spiller had 13 carries for a combined 77 yards. Thats an average of 5.9 yards per carry. IF UK HAS TROUBLE STOPPING THE RUN, THEN RUN THE BALL. Tommy Bowden is still timid in the redzone and is now officially hopeless. Give it a few more losses like this and Tommy Bowden should find a real estate agent.

- Stupid penalties. After the second missed field goal in the first half, one of our players had their helmet ripped off. Flags flew everywhere. That's the point you pick up your helmet and walk off the field. First and goal, Clemson. But no, we've got to be the rap superstars of the college football world. A guy ran his mouth and more flags flew... offsetting penalties, loss of downs, first and ten, Kentucky.

- No Reggie... that's a shitty way to send him out Tommy, I'll never forgive you for that one. Reggie has won you games Tommy, and you don't even have the custard in you to give him ONE SINGLE CARRY.

- We got hosed ref wise. I hate to be one of those fans that blames it on that, but hey, it's true. A good referee once told me, "You know the refs did a good job if you didn't notice them during the game." Let's just say, those referees stuck out like a turd in a punch bowl. Two calls really could have changed the game. The Proctor fumble which was clearly NOT a fumble. Guess who doesn't have the nuts to throw the red flag??? Bowden. Same thing in the USC game. TOMMY, THAT RED FLAG IS THERE FOR A REASON. LIFE IS FULL OF CHANCES, TAKE ONE PLEASE. The other bad call was when the Kentucky DB clearly pushed down Chansi Stuckey in the endzone and was left wide open to make the interception. I guess that's the football gods (Danny Ford & Co.) shitting on our chests for Gardner in 2000. But Gardner didn't push off, he just positioned himself well.

- Nashville sucked overall. I never want to go back to the Music City Bowl and Tommy Bowden better not take us back there anytime soon.

Look, all I want is a championship. A real meaningful championship. It could be an ACC or natty... I don't care. Then I'll give Bowden a break if we have more mediocre seasons. I JUST WANT ONE. IS ONE OUT OF SEVEN YEARS TOO MUCH TO ASK? I guess every one trained Rocky style while Bowden was busy on his ranch for this game.

Willy Mac: Representin' the struggles of the Clemson fans that went to Nashville.

Meanwhile, suddenly stumbling on DFIG...

"Wait... is that Kunta? Oh hell no that ain't right."